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A Healing December Full Moon Ritual

The last full moon of the year, and a supermoon ta boot!  Yup the moon is closest to the earth, intensifying it’s effects on our emotional bodies.  …yeehaw and oh boy! I don’t know about you but I have been may moon2spewing emotion out of nowhere…tears fall out suddenly and surprisingly as a pour a cup of tea or as I drive down the snowy road, they just abruptly float down my cheeks.  I feel raw and vulnerable, stripped down to my bones.  The Universe at large is asking us to surrender our defenses, no more fearful living and just to trust at the door of lingering change ahead.  I don’t know what is around the road but there’s something and all we can do is walk the path of the unknown one step, or pearl strand at a time until we can see it and know what it is.

This is a big moon…a real big cleansing, a pull from the moon for you to release all the armor that blocks you from receiving love and abundance. All the fear padding you wear will be played with, toyed with, shaken loose for you to look.  And you feel naked, raw, emotional, and down right scared.  I feel a duty to tell you that you must feel what is there if you’d like it to transform.  Just sit with it in the moment it arises and see it through, so you can release it.  This is no easy feat, we are usually used to squirming our way out the emotions or distract ourselves into numbness.

FULL MOON RITUAL:

Now is time to allow what the moon is calling out of us to emote and simply see it through.  Do so on this Full Moon…emote with me, with the Sacred Feminine and Grandmother Moon and feel the divinity and healing in this sacred act.  What are you afraid of? What is coming up?  Are you angry? Annoyed? Sad? Why? Write it out…literally list it all on a page.  I’m mad at….I’m annoyed that…I’m scared of….

Get that stuff out and have a pity party on the page.  Allow yourself to open to what is there so you can release it.  Release it by burning it.  How can you let go and surrender into love and what is?  Now list the the qualities you need at this time…and imagine those qualities as symbols.  Go on…stretch your imagination and just allow what comes.  For me I need trust and faith and I when I think or an image or symbol that represents that I imagine Grandmother Moon beaming her loving hands down to my heart and inserting crystals all over my body.  They radiate peace and trust, they make me feel secure and calm.  I breathe in the feeling of that feeling and keep imaging the crystal powers spreading throughout my entire being.  Imagine your symbols entering your body and spreading out so that all the cells of you can feel what its’ like to have what you need to carry onward down the road of life.

All the old wounds have been summoned, even when you thought you have worked it out, the last seeping fluid of it floating around in your body will be called out so you can start 2017 a new, cleared, focused…ready for what lies ahead.  And here’s the kicker, it still isn’t clear what is around the bend of 2017.  It is new, it is different, it is a change but we still can’t put our finger on what the heck that is how it will translate for us in our lives.

For me I just found out my husband will be working out of town for chunks at a time starting in January and oh boy has this stirred up some deep emotion in me.  When I had my first baby, my first husband bailed and I was left to my defenses and a baby.  I lost everything, the house, the dogs, my job, my peace, my security, my trust in others.  I fought and fought and I survived. I survived by padding up, by not needing anybody, living totally on my own, independent, and stopped reaching for help…I stopped trusting in people for fear of getting hurt.  I didn’t lean on anybody but myself, that felt safest.  I closed my heart.

Seven years later (and my second baby with my amazing new husband), I’ve opened my heart again.  I can trust again because of the good man in my life, who is consistent, who shows up, who honors his word time and time again.  I have felt safe and secure enough over and over to allow myself to be more dependent on him…or at least more interdependent.  I still struggle to ask for help but I’m getting there and I express my needs more (sometimes lol) rather than struggle along “independently” doing everything myself.  And now he’s leaving (but he’s not, he’s just going on periodic work trips) but my body is registering his leaving as abandonment.  My fear has skyrocketed out of my bones and the memories of being a single mom, alone, nobody to depend on, nobody to protect me, a loss of safety and security are erupting out of my cellular memory.  Maybe I haven’t fully processed it all (even though a few years of counselling you think I would) but there’s a pocket I missed or didn’t find until now…or maybe, just maybe I’m going at the unknown heart not padded and full of feeling.

My mind is swirling with anxious, fearful worries…”What if I find myself in that position again, what if life falls apart again?  What if life throws a giant curve ball and I’m left to my own devices again…now with two kids?  What if I die, what if he dies…blah blah blah.”  My head spins in irrational fears and my blood pumps what feels like firecrackers throughout my anxious body.

The truth is I need my husband and I’ve never let myself trust to this capacity before.  I’ve never let my shield down this much because I’ve never experienced this kind of love and trust.  And sometimes I don’t know what to do with that, I don’t know how to live with that vulnerability.  The slightest risk to my well-being or security and I immediately want to put the armor back on and back way up from the closeness I feel for this wonderful man.  I get terrorized, aka – traumatized by the memories and emotions from the most painful period of my life and I want to only count on myself.  That means I shrivel up and retreat…sawing off my connections.  Not good, not good.

This is what this moon is pulling from our veins,this yuck, this old painful icky goo…  But we must feel the shit, the pus, the bruises, the memories of the sharp cuts and let it seep out, so we can go in the New Year with love, with trust.

decembermoonWe are being called into our vulnerability on this last Full Moon of 2016 because it has been one heck of a ride of healing this year so why not end it with a full moon bang! 😉

Here are some beautiful words that found their way to me that really rang the bell of my soul for this full moon. (From writer Beth Berry). I invite you sit with your vulnerability and see what happens.  What does it feel when you welcome it’s presence?  What would it feel like to allow it to embodies within you?

“I now see that by holding so tightly to a more masculine understanding of strength, I was actually repressing and resisting a new strength trying to be born in me: the more feminine strength of vulnerability.

It is vulnerable to ask for help. It is vulnerable to admit that you don’t know what to do. It is vulnerable to depend on others physically, financially, and emotionally. It is vulnerable to gaze into the eyes of your newborn baby and realize that she is completely dependent on you for her wellbeing. It is vulnerable to imagine evolving into something unknown (and culturally dishonored). It is vulnerable to lose yourself to love. It is vulnerable to trust your instincts. It is vulnerable to claim strength and beauty in ways that aren’t culturally condoned.”  (source:  http://revolutionfromhome.com/2016/08/we-arent-meant-to-bounce-back-after-babies/)

Vulnerability is the opposite of what we learned.  Vulnerability is a brand new bathing suit that requires giant pools of trust and love and faith…like bad-ass faith— in the Divine, and in the good and heart of another.  For me putting my heart on the chopping block again, risking it…and trusting that I will be loved, that men don’t leave or choose themselves over their families all the time.  It’s trusting in a foundation of connection that has never been experienced before and believing that the wires of union as so intertwined you are safe.  Vulnerability is like putting on an ugly sweater but knowing only certain few can see it’s beauty and wearing anyway because that’s how you are choosing to role…heart open, ready to be present and feeling, and trusting and risking in the face of uncertainty or possible rejection.  It’s stepping forward into the unknown knees shaking but trusting and knowing you will be lead to where you need to go one step at a time, that you’ll be safe, you have strength, even if it’s a windy path.  Vulnerability is choosing to throw the worry out the window and allow what comes to come when it does and enjoy the moment of what is in the now.  Embrace the unknown like it were a special place to be.

 

I pulled a card for this Full Moon knowing I’d get the Hanged Man card, and sure enough…he showed.  I just knew it.  So I leave with the wisdom of the Hanged Man or the Sacrifice card in the Psychic Tarot deck.

“…This card represents self-sacrifice and a time when you should look around your life to see what needs to be released.  By surrendering and letting go, there will be more room to receive…the rewards for this are transformation, wisdom, gratitude, and enlightenment.  This card signifies that there is a situation happening (or about to occur) in your life, and you can’t control the outcome.  This would be a good time to pause, rest, have patience, reflect and meditate…The Sacrifice Card (or Hanged Man) can also symbolize a period of transition and change.  The solutions you seek may be slow in coming , for it could be necessary to live the answers.  Accept the things that you can’t control, heal and leave the past behind, move toward your future, and watch for new doors opening and paths that are being shown to you.”

I’d would so love it you FOLLOWED MY BLOG 🙂  by checking out my home page.  

 

Thanks so much friends and Happy, Healthy Full Moon 🙂

Crystal

astrology, ceremony, creativity, Full Moon, healing, Spirituality, Uncategorized, womens health, womens issues

How to embrace the Ch…Ch…Change on this Full Moon.

goddess of change2We are upon a full moon tomorrow….

Can you feel the call for change? Is it time to make an important choice and jump off that cliff into something new?  Can you dare and trust yourself and the Universe to give you wings and support you?  Can you trust it shall always work out…there are no wrong roads, just longer ones 🙂

It’s hard to let go of the safe and familiar isn’t it? We feel like we are in a safe cocoon, albeit, an entrapment of sameness and eventually stuckness. We like the security, the consistency, the know what to expect kinda of life.

But deep down our wild, magic souls calls to us for more, tugs us towards a golden unveiling of something new, something more expansive, something more invigorating on the soul level.  The soul craves change, craves expansion, excitement and aliveness.  This is the “joie de vivre ” in soul life.

My sister recently had to make a decision to make a change or stay in the same place she was in.  She wasn’t happy in the same but making the change required that she cut the safety net off the old, to really say good-bye to it.  She was torn as to what to do because her fear got a hold of her and zoomed her focus on what would happen if it didn’t work out.  She went right to the worse case scenario.  We’ve learned that pattern her and I but I encouraged her to approach with trust and faith in the Divine.  She would not have been gifted this opportunity if it wasn’t meant for her.  She would learn something brand new either way and this was about a positive change that yes, could be challenging but far more fulfilling. I encouraged her to take the road that had rainbows and golden sparkles on it.

I mean, what is the purpose of life really…to live on the safe, accomplished, titled, road or to take chances, follow your heart, have soul lifting experiences?  For me its’ the latter, for me it’s a life well lived, sucked dry of everything juicy it had to offer, not just checking off the “success boxes”.  We can all be “accomplished” or have the picture perfect life and job and still feel empty.  Is that the goal- external success?  That is fine and dandy but it need to be coupled with some magical experiences and feelings, and internal aliveness.   Life is not meant to be safe and mundane…we need to live, explore, expand, and stretch ourselves into new territories and see what is there.  What the heck excites your bones?  What puts sparkles in your eyes?  What song does your heart sing?

My sister,  she boldy, confidently, excitedly jumped off the cliff into the new. She’s one courageous, smart goddess.

The cosmos support this change or actually create and initiate this time of change in all our lives.  It calls us into our authenticity, into our depths where we feel alive, sparkly, magic dusted and aroused.  Make the choice that excites all of your senses.  Make the choice that scares the shit out of you but simultaneously makes your heart want to bust with excitement and giddiness.

So on this lovely Full Moon, why not do some reflective writing to deepen your trust in yourself, cause you’re fricken awesome and amazing and have all this wonderous stuff about your already and you trust that the universe is calling your greatness into life, into the world.  Why not dip your pen into the elements of trust and faith and let the universe create a matrix of wonder and excitement.  Let your pen guide you home to the place of remembering.

Full Moon Ritual change2

You know the drill, setup a lovely, little soothing space do dive inward and dance around into your soul tethers.

Creative Warm-up to help move you into your colorful depths…

  • List all the magical things in your life and around you.

Question 1:  What would stay the same if you made the change that is calling to you? (Set your timers for five minutes and just free flow, do not lift that pen off the page ;))

Question 2:  What would change if you jumped into the horse and carriage of change?  (Repeat the 5 minute free flow)

Happy Full Moon & Changes 🙂

And so it is friends, and so it is…

If you feel called, do feel free to FOLLOW THE BLOG and receive soul invoking, magic inducing, self-reflecting experiences. 🙂

Photo 1 Source- http://enchantingbabble.blogspot.ca/2014/10/goddess-oracle-guide-rhiannon-sorceress.html

Photo 2 – http://stickygooeycreamychewy.com/2012/03/23/food-blog-forum-orlando-magic-moments-and-an-inedible-recipe/

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What If I Punched Fear in the Face and Let my Magic Leak Out? What if you did too??

magicWhat if I dared to jump off the cliff and punched fear in the face? What if I took the last piece of  chest armor off and trusted that the universe shall hold me in her arms and wrap me with loving protection,safety and security simply by believing in her?

Can it be done?  My mind is trying to wrestle me into “reality” and the old cautionary tale.

What if I trusted that being in the unknown, the portal between the worlds of change was okay?

I’ve always had on my defensive suite, ready for heartbreak, ready for fear, ready to run and escape and attack whatever was around the corner..

What if i changed this whole paradigm, this whole way of existing on edge, on the defense, on guard and surrendered into the pocket of the universal forces calling me to rest in her palm?

What if i didn’t set-up my life with one foot on the safety net, as though I believed life would fall apart, something would destruct and my survival were at risk?  What if I practiced faith and trust fully, for real..in life, in myself, in all good things.  My heart is expanding, softening and opening just at the thoughts in this possibility.

I feel a connection, an aliveness, a vast explosion of wild colors in myself at the thoughts of the Divine fully integrated in my life.  In this moment I feel connected to all life, I see the tapestry of it all like it were a video game made by Creation.

What if I approached every obstacle with radical trust that the universe was brewing something wildly different for me and all I had to do was float along on the sailboat into the change ahead rather than fight to the death the change that lie ahead? What if change or loss, or endings were not life-threatening and simply re-birthing into something more grand than I could ever imagine?

Is this full blown faith?  Is this divine trust?  This feels magical.  My mind wants to squash it and tell me to be realistic, to grip into the smartest, safest choice, but my soul wants magic and deep faithful aliveness.  I want to exist by flying in the sparkling dust of this Faith.  Tears stream with the remembering of this deep connection of the Divine in my life, we have drifted from each other the last while.

I’m shocked looking at this powerful mirror of my existence.  I have always existed on the defense.  I have built my life as a safety net, as a way to exist in the face of crisis or emergency, always having a back-up plan for my back-up plan. I have anticipated life falling apart (again and again) and have not fully moved in my depths, my heart.  I have stood rigid, on guard and protective for myself just in case.  I have remained the professional, responsible, logical, planned, realistic woman, having the reigns of control in my hands.  Protecting myself from anticipated pain or loss and I have wrapped a piece of my heart, my own divinity in protective metal.

I have done an injustice to myself.  I have allowed fear to envelop me and I have not lived fully from my center.  I have moments in my center, in trust, in my core, but I have always worn protection against the anticipation of doom.  I have had doom before, my whole life fell apart and I was brought closest to my pure existence, to my soul.  I lost all ego constructs, my house, my job, my marriage, my dogs (in the divorce) and was left with the bare minimum.  In my bare minimum I was closest to Spirit, to the Universal Forces, to my own soul.

Don’t get me wrong, in my life now I move into my depths, and my heart, I dive in explore the ocean of existence within myself but I have not created my life to express the full blown magical waters it is.  I have only made pockets of it.  I have created my life to mirror my inner protector…safe, linear, logical, well planned, a “just in-case” kind of life.  I have built it in preparation for it to fall apart, I have safety nets all over.

invokationThis means, I have lived a life with a Core of FEAR and believe things won’t work out!  I have assumed the worst, waited for the shoe to drop. I assume heartache and pain, curve balls and road turns are just around the corner and I pad myself up with protective part living so when life crashes it won’t hurt so bad.  I won’t feel the sting.  I keep my foot in a job that can sustain me “in case” things fail rather than jump into the ocean of trust and faith and creative juices as an artist or life art practitioner or whatever the hell that may be.

What if I lived with sweet surrender, Divine Faith and Trust in the Universe herself like she always has my back, because this I know to be true but I act differently in my life than this knowing.  Every time life has knocked me around, the Universe always had my back, every.single.time.

What if I flew arms wide open into the winds of change trusting that Universe is calling this from me and supporting me and opened myself to the Grace of what the universe shall bring?

Will there be difficulty, challenges, uncertainties, hell yeah but I don’t have to surrender my authentic, core, trusting, loving, faithful center and get into my defensive, fearful, life will fall apart believing self, ready to fight against pain.  Instead I can approach life with a gentleness, a sweet, soft knowing that all is occurring as She was ever meant to.

The Universe is calling me back home into a life of trust and surrender in her sweet arms.  She is calling me to believe in the good of the world, that physical life is spiritual life, they are not separate entities, just different energetic expressions of Existence and Creation herself.

She is asking me to shed the veils, remove the safety nets and full blown fucking live…alive…juicy…emotional.  This is a 180 change in my life, a softening, a surrender, a trust in the Divine Herself.  Perhaps then my immune system shall soften 😉

I feel an openness in my heart, an awakening in my breath, an aliveness in my bones as think about cutting the safety nets off of my life.

“Although we have been made to believe that if we let go we will end up with nothing, life itself reveals again and again the opposite: that letting go is the path to real freedom.”  (From Om Element page)

And so it is…

xo

Crystal

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Today’s Challenge – Stretch Your Happy!

happy“Happiness is not ready made.  It comes from your own actions.”  The Dalai Lama.

Don’t you wish happiness would just find itself in your life, like a magical spell from the butt end of a magic stick and boom…happiness and bliss.   Awe well, we know that’s not how she works!

You gotta make yourself happy, you have to approach life how She is and hug it out. Embrace it.  Love it.  Own it like you are trusting the Divine Plan for you and your soul.

I know, I know, you are not in the best job, maybe not in the best relationship or making the best amount of money.  I say, own it! Love it! Indulge and roll around in what is like it was the best, most perfect scenario for you at this moment.  Love it like it were a special letter sent from the Divine directly to you.  Would you receive it lovingly or demand more?

Now this doesn’t mean we can’t want more or be on a path towards our ultimate.  Yes, let’s do that…definitely!!  All I’m saying is don’t hate the stepping stone you are on at this time.  In fact, I’m saying love it with all your might.

Happiness is a choice, an action, a decision to see with ultimate trust in the Divine plan for you, or you can put on the ugly, fugly, grumpy glasses and choose another sight.  Are you a bowl of cherries or a well of negativity?

When I first go divorced I had to take some jobs that I didn’t love just so I could support myself and my new baby out on my own.  I could have been bitter, and truthfully there may have been days I was, but I chose to appreciate what those jobs offered me at the time knowing they would not be my forever jobs.  I didn’t always feel great doing them or at the end of the day felt depleted but instead of feeding into that negativity, that pitty party, I would did deep and journal (well at least on most days).  Sometimes I’d have to journal mid tears, in my car at lunch hour to remind myself that this is not permanent and there are gifts among the challenge.  My tear drops would hit the pages as I’d refocus my soul on the good in the less than great scenario.  I tell ya, those challenging experiences fed my confidence and trust in myself like nothing else could.  I am far more secure and confident in life and the universe as a whole as well as in my instincts than I ever was because of those less than ideal situations.

Amidst the painful and even dreadful days at times, I’d journal on what the jobs did provide me such as a solid income to pay my rent, bills, food, car, diapers, etc.  It provided me stability while I worked on building a new foundation with life out on my own, now with a child.  It gave me freedom to leave my unhealthy, hurtful marriage.

There is happiness everywhere if we can choose to clean the dirt off the gem we are holding in our hands.

Even now, I struggle in relationships, I’m an airy, fairy who loves her freedom.  I need it.  I hate being tied down, I’ve actually grown to be too independent, that I’ve at times closed my heart.  I’ve used independence as a shield, as a defense, as a protection for not needing anybody.  Relationships are my portals to soften my heart, ask for help, soften my protection and ultimately heal my wound in trusting men to be loving, consistent, caring, solid creatures that will love and protect.

So that means, my relationship isn’t perfect because it’s a container of my healing, it’s mirroring to me my sore spots and areas I need more work.  I shall repeat, it ain’t perfect. Haha!  I get in my airy, fairy mode and at times crave being on my own, not because I don’t love my new husband, but because it is my defense.  It’s my comfort zone, I like full blown wing expanding freedom to soar out in the world my way, on my terms and on my own clock.  It’s easier, more self indulgent, more me, me, me.  So when I get all crotchedy in my relationship I journal the gift of it.  What great things does it bring?  What am I learning and healing in this moment?  Maybe it’s how to properly express myself, or voice my needs or learning to be less selfish. Is it always easy…hell no! As I’m sure many of you can relate. It takes work, commitment, sacrifice, attention, presence, choice, action, responsibility.  All those things that are not always a walk in the park.

However, this marriage, this relationship, this man, has provided me with the most amount of love, of healing, of consistency or trust than I have ever had in my lifetime.  The gifts of this marriage far out weigh life on my own with my airy, fairy wings never fully committing to anything.  Isn’t that what it’s all about?  I’ll learning to balance my gypsy soul while being a wife and mother.  It’s redefining womanhood for me.  And you know what, it’s what sparks my soul!  It is my art…learning to live as a wild, tribal, vibrant soul in this modern day world.  It’s redefining traditional roles into new realms, new expansions, new expressions.  It`s discovering how to walk with Aliveness even in the mundane. It’s redefining Feminine and everything that goes with it.  It’s powerful and intense and blissful and dreadful and everything in between.  Now that’s happiness!

So happiness is perhaps a choice, an embracing of the gifts and lessons we are learning in this precious moment with people, circumstances, scenarios that can help our souls heal and expand out into the world.  It’s about squeezing the good, happy juices out of whatever circumstance that is less than perfect in our minds. The Divine offers us these moments and realities as gateways to the next stone.  When you learn the lessons and gifts and find the joy on the leap pad you are on, you get to move on forward, it’s simply universal law.

Journal Prompts of the Day for Your Wild, Luscious, Soulful Self: 

So stretch your happy muscles and find the good, no the great in the challenging circumstances. Where are you struggling and what are the gifts of the struggles or the imperfections in your work, love life, financial situation or boring old routine? Do share!! 🙂

Join us on the Women’s Tribe Facebook Page or Feed Your Feminine Soul Group Page. and share your entries, experiences, learning.

That is today’s Day 16 of the 30 Day Wild, Luscious, Soulful Living Challenge.  (Had some technical difficulties yesterday, sorry folks)

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