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March New Moon Energy

Happy new Moon!! This cycle we are moving into awareness and evaluation of our relationships. Fun, fun, fun! This includes romantic relationships, friendships, work partnerships and family relationships .

It feels heavy and mucky and there’s a lot of unknown elements. For myself, my hubby and I have hit a rough patch. A boulder has crossed our path and we are a bit stuck at it. We’ve been going to counselling to sort out the layers of rubble that created the boulder and it’s not easy or fun. But it’s necessary for our union and mostly for our own individual growth.

He’s mirroring to me some dark spots and unhealed pockets I need to explore…own and heal. And I am doing the same for him. If we do not let ourselves stand in the flames of vulnerability, it’s easy to get defensive and deny or even blame the other. It’s raw and naked and scary as bleep!

But this is big big healing we (all of us ) are being asked to do and release. It is clearing away of the armour and guards of love that we have used as protection since the eons of time … but now the universe in Her glory asks us to surrender it down and move more fully into the radiant realms of love and trust.

It will not be an easy path but keep vision on the course. Ask yourself over and over…

What would love say ???

What would love do???

What would love think????

Truth be told, some relationships will disintegrate and dissolve into dust because the healing that is being asked of us is soul deep and some won’t be ready. And as hard as it will be, it will be ok. Just be in each moment of unknown on step at a time.

Maybe we’ve carried these fears for lifetimes or since childhood or since our last betrayal… but it is heavy and deep and the work is immense but I guarantee you, it will be life changing. It will change every aspect of how you experience your life. You will move into a deep trust and peace. This will shift so much into the world.

Try and trust and stay in the belief that healing will happen it whatever forms our binds take. Pray, envision, believe, speak, imagine and feel the universe caressing your heart as you walk the path of a healing soldier. Imagine what the healing will be and feel like and see it occur. Who’s there? What are you doing? How are things different ? How have things changed ?

On this new moon, take some time and honour this deep and humble healing time.

I honour you and your journey . And so it is ❤️.

Crystal

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A Healing Ritual For the April Full Moon

moon lodgeHappy Full Moon Women’s Tribe 🙂  Here we are all the full moon and in the bingo bango bongo of four retrograde planets!  Eekers. It is a time evaluation, of reflection, of looking back at what needs to be healed in the past so we can carry forward with more ease and gentleness in the now and in our futures.  That is the gift of retrogrades.   It’s not always easy as our old stuff emerges and comes to the for front but heck, let’s let it.  Allow it.  Make room for it at the kitchen table as though it were your long lost aunt.  We must honor its’ existence and take a look.  Feel it.  Set it on its’ way…out of body, out of our bones, released from our tissue.

For me, I’ve been lingering in trauma memories.  I thought I had done my healing around this but life and emotional breakdowns, says the healing is not done.When I had my first baby my first husband just didn’t deal with the transition into fatherhood well and basically bailed.  He did it in a manner that was hurtful, in a way he knew best…to cheat and chose another woman.  My highest conscious Self knows that he wasn’t conscious or aware enough to talk and tell me that he was struggling or lost or unsure if he could handle being both a husband and father simultaneously.  And so he left and chose her.  He didn’t know how to say that he could not be who I needed or was asking of him so he acted it out to express it to me.  I get that on a soul level, but it was still emotionally and mentally devastating and one of the most painful experiences of my life.  (As well as the best thing that could have happened in the long run).  I associate having a baby with pain and struggle and loss.

I ended up on my own with baby, in a new apartment (he got the house), lost my job (found another), he got our dogs as he was in the house and me in an apartment.  And there I was in the threshold of new motherhood trying to keep my head above water, wondering if I could support myself and baby, manage motherhood and a full-time job, etc..etc..  It was devastating, so much change all at one time.  It was shocking actually.  I felt really abandoned and alone.  Navigating custody battles when you were wronged and nobody gave a poop was crazy making.  I struggled most with the fact that I could not be with my baby all the time cause of the choice he made, I had to lose time with my son.  I had to share custody.  There was little to no consequence for him or his actions…he got to keep the house (he did have to buy me out), he had his regular job, and he got what he wanted…to be a part-time dad all by betraying our vows, lying, and being with another woman.  I on the other hand got my world shattered and was continually told in court that I had to keep the emotional stuff separate from the custody, like I was not supposed to have feelings for what I went through.   I was treated like the problem, not him.  CRAZY. MAKING!

Anywho…years have passed.  I’m happily remarried with a new baby who’s almost 9months old.  Well my husband has been working out of town for the last few months and I have been on my own with the kids for weeks at a time.  It has totally triggered all those memories.  The emotions, the forgotten dark times, the memories I blocked out…all coming back with a vengeance….to the point I cry and cry and cry.  I’ve done trauma therapy, emotional release work, journalling, creative expression, you name it…I’ve released so much and yet the memories of being on my own with a baby linger in my gut, in my blood, in my immune system.  There is more to be released.

This full moon is asking us to revisit past sore spots and evaluate how they impact the now.  What’s been coming up?  An old relationship?  An old patter of self-sabotage or job loss or endings, break-ups, loss in general?  Allow it my friends. Pull out the chair and have it sit down with you.

FULL MOON HEALING RITUALsacred body 2

Find a cozy space, light a candle and some incents.  Have a cup of tea or a glass of wine and grab and pen and paper.  We are going to write a letter to ourselves in the past that was struggling (And still has some to release).  We are going to offer this part of ourselves what she needs.

Allow what comes…..but here’s some points to remember to include.

-Honor and recognized and validate your younger self’s feelings and experiences.

-Ask that part of you what she needs.

-Allow her to answer.

-Imagine bringing this part of you to a time in your past where you experienced and received what she is needing.  So if you are needing to feel love or trust, remember a time when you did.  Who’s with you.  What are you doing?  What season is it?   What time of day?  What are you doing together?  What are the smells in the air.  What colors and temperature is it?  Breathe in the sensation of experiencing what she/you needs.  Where do you feel it?  See it as a ball of energy and let it spread throughout your body, allow the feeling to expand and really experience it sensationally for a few minutes.

Write about it…and bring her back now with the memories.

 

Here’s mine.

To my 28 year old self,

First off, I see you. I hear you. I honor you.  I know how much pain you endured and you still carry.  I see it, I feel it, I honor that it’s there.  I think you are so strong for making it, for carrying on, for doing what you need to do to survive and care for your son.  I’m so proud of you.

I know you are struggling, I see you, I feel you, I hear you with all the emotions that you are arising within me….what do you need my love?

I need to feel not so alone…not so abandonned, not so isolated like I have to everything myself.  I feel trapped and caged and scared.  It’s so heavy and painful to carry it all myself.  I can’t believe I have to do this myself.

As I reflect on when I have felt the most supported and loved and held is when I was in Lynn Andrews School.  My classmates were my sisterhood.  And so I bring her to one of our circles and fires where they all gave me healing and love.   They drummed and rattled and held me in loving energy like I never felt before.  I was one of them, and they were part of me.  They held me, they supported me, they were always there for me, even though we lived all over the world.  I let them offer to her what they offered me then.  I imagine her feeling the drum beat and the sound of the rattles….we are in a dark space with candles and fairy lights and the smell of sage burning lingers in the air.  I tell her to let the drum fill her body up with strength and support and to feel the love.  I tell her to look into the fire and hear it crackle and to see how a web of women in the spirit world also connected to her and holding her, the Sisterhood of the Shields, the Grandmothers, her guides, her power animals, her ancestors, the fairies…they are all surrounding her and with her at all times giving her strength and power.   They all have a hand on her shoulder, she is the farthest thing from alone. I ask her to imagine that strength and love and power is like gold dust being sent from everyone in the room and in the energy world to her.  I ask her to imagine it going in her and with each inhale in her body and with each second that passes she is being beamed with the light of strength and sisterhood.

I close my eyes and feel the sensations with her.  I feel the web of women weaving love around me and her supporting us and holding us.    Each drum beat strengthens us with inner power and confidence.   I tell her to see it filling her body, to feel the confidence and love and support.  She does and so do I.  I can see she feels stronger and supported…a shift has happened I feel it in my heart chakra.  I thank everyone at the circle with us for such a powerful experience and I grab her hand and go through a door that lingers in a giant boulder into the now… bringing with us the felt experience and gifts of support and love and strength into the now.  I imagine putting a shawl on her to remind her of the hands that hugged her and literally have and touched her back offering their support.  I allow that image of her feeling stronger with her shawl in my heart to expand and fill my body.

And so it is….

 

Happy FULL HEALING MOON.

xo Crystal

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Fall Equinox – Letting the Old Burn & Die

equinoxAhhh….the Fall Equinox.  Feels refreshing and yet a bit torturous hehe.  Perhaps it’s a karmic joke, a funny, poke in the belly to wake us up.

I have been moving down the spiral path into the depths of my wounds, into the dark, heavy, slick, sludge and down into the root.  It is bashing me around.  I have come face to face with it all.  Face to face with the original fear, the original source of pain that created oh so many masks and defenses but the mother of all, she and I are intertwined.  Perhaps I thought she was my original nature, that Strong Independent Woman Who Don’t Need Anybody and wears warrior armor.  With this armor I didn’t have to fully trust anyone, I didn’t have to place my sweet, sensitive, fragile heart in their hands.  My fierceness beckons in her sword and I thought I was her. I though she was my Core.  But she has always been my protector, not my original nature and I did not know.

In her article Fall Equinox Brings Kali and the Burning of the Old Self   Jessica Hesser writes…( http://www.rebellesociety.com/2014/09/19/fall-equinox-brings-kali/),

In The Encyclopedia of Myths, Barbara Walker tell us that,

Tantric worshippers of Kali thought it essential to face her Curse, the terror of death, as willingly as they accepted Blessings from her beautiful, nurturing, maternal aspect.

For them, wisdom meant learning that no coin has only one side: as death can’t exist without life, so also life can’t exist without death.

And so you must do the same. Have the courage and endurance to face what must die in you, and the rewards will be unparalleled.

HAVE THE COURAGE AND ENDURANCE TO FACE WHAT MUST DIE IN YOU…this is what the Universe is calling of me.  I have been summoned into the gates of death.  It is fierce and raw like running through the woods naked on a cool, crisp, raging rain storm in the middle of November.  I am wet with tears, cold with grief and yet I still run for my survival.  I am a fighter, a warrior of spirit and I head the call of the Great Mother.

I’m having to feel the fear in my cells and release it. I’m having to shriek out the anger, the grief and the despair of having my heart pierced before, so the shackles of betrayal and abandonment release my heart from the cage of fear.  My soul, my heart, my highest Nature seeks love…seeks Trust.  To trust the Masculine is to shed my battle sword and my I don’t need anyone chest protection.  To take the hand of my Beloved and walk beside him, to surrender into trust and allow him to protect me, to lead me toward Love.

I have fought hard for Feminine Rights, for equilibrium, for balancing.  What I did not realize was that I tried to become masculine in order to try and reach Feminine Equality.  Now my body,my source, calls for the removal of this mask, this defense and allow the Feminine and Masculine to unite.  I am unsure if I can fully trust for the Masculine has hurt my core, Sacred Feminine parts deeply.  The wound, the memory of the old ways of dominance in my many lifetimes of painful memories lurk in my blood and yet I realize the only way to heal this original union is to fully trust, to take his hand and let him be my protector so he can fulfill his masculine nature.  I used to think allowing him to lead was submissive and I would not allow this.  I would never let a man lead me.  I would lead, I would dominate.  I would be warrior in our relationship and I thought that was me, my Core, but it was defense, my protection because I did so out of fear, not trust, not love but out of the memories of hurt.

Then one of my Native Elders looked me in the eye and said, ” A man stands in front of you, not because he is better than you, not because he is trying to dominate you but because as Woman, you are most Sacred. You are carrier of life and his job is to protect you, to take care of you, to honor your Sacred by standing in front of you and making sure the path is clear.”  

Tear drops!!!

This is has been so hard for me to trust.  I have been so afraid to be dominated I have never let a man take the lead or role of protector for I took it myself.  I did not trust his Warrior Heart.  And now I have found a true man that I know loves and protects my heart.  So here I am face to face with my shadow, my old wound, the fear of being taken control over, dominated, silenced, submissive and powerless.  And I look to that young girl in me and tell her to look at this sweet man…he is love, he is trust, he is the Sacred Masculine in form.  He is not the others. My job is to be love…armor-less, just love and trust and I allow my tender, vulnerable heart to be placed in his hands for he is seeking to fulfill his original nature of protector and provider.  All I have to do is let him, I don’t need to be everything to myself, I can allow help and love in.  And in doing so, I am moved fully into my authenticity, my sacred vulnerability and my sweet, tender, powerful Feminine nature.  I move into myself by allowing him to move into his self.

And so on this Equinox, this time of balance and sacred union between light and dark, between the Masculine and Feminine, I grab his hand and trust his lead to carry my Sacred Heart.  I drop my armor and put the sword in my belt for I am loved when I allow love in.

What are you letting go of, what can you let die so life and love can move in?

Burn it away in a Sacred Fire on this special night.  Burn it away, write it down and release it to the wind or fire.  Grab your loved one, your family, your sister, your friends and gather to release and let the old die.  Sip on some luscious fall drinks, apple cider, hot cocoa, cinnamon tea or even some lovely vino.  And let that shit go…

And so it is….

Crystal

FEEL FREE TO FOLLOW THE BLOG IF YOU SO FEEL CALLED.  I’D BE SO HONORED 🙂

Photo Source:  http://www.dailykos.com/story/2011/09/23/1019387/-Autumnal-Equinox-2011#

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A Simple & Gentle Dark Moon Ritual to Honor Venus & the Gifts of the Underworld.

dark moon 2“Grief is more present to us then we may be aware.  There is grief of incompletion, or despair of having no control over the changes of time.  Grief can be old and seemingly forgotten, like the loss of friends from childhood, the death of childhood pet, or the loss of childhood dreams but it is still with us if we haven’t healed it.  Often it takes big deaths, the loss of a loved one or the loss of our own health, to notice the grief that has always been there.”  Lynn Andrews.

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As we move through the last few days of this moon cycle and prepare for a New Moon later this week I felt to need to honor the power of this recent Moon.  Venus returned from her journey in retrograde on the 6th and I must say this was a powerful, powerful time for me to cycle with Her into the darkness, into our own dark voids and unhealed territory within.  So many people went through the ringer, me included, but let me tell you friends there was so much potent purpose to the struggles, to the pain, to the challenges.

I let myself fall to the bottom of the crater in the Earth’s crust this past moon.  Perhaps I simply had no choice but I did not let or could not let my fear hold me from falling face first, splattered on the ground in grief and despair. I simply fell there, what felt like 10 feet down and into a deep deep release of my grief.  I have not let myself fall into that deep depth, into that giant pocket of grief that was there waiting for I feared what would happen.  I sobbed and sobbed, alligator tears fell for hours.  It was difficult, intense and yet necessary.  I had nowhere else to go or turn except to be splattered on the ground, 10 feet from the threshold of the Earth Mother and wallow into those painful depths of despair and grief that lingered in me and needed release.

I felt consumed by darkness on that day in the dark cavern of grief and despair and then the next day I was totally shifted. My body had released something…buckets of dark, heavy sludge that lurked in my veins from old wounds, old experiences, old losses I had not fully grieved.  They simply leaked out of me in my sobbing howls and giant tear drops into puddles on the ground.  And I was freed, lighter, softer, gentler, changed.  I had surrendered to the place I had feared most and by doing so, my darkness gifted me with a new freedom, a new calm, a new inner peace I have never known.

I had never let my self go that low, to that depth for fear of what would happen if I ended up there.  Would I completely lose my mind?  Would I fall completely apart only to remain un-tethered?  I am lucky I had supports, my husband and even my body-worker therapist who helped me move through it fully.  And yet I was completely surprised how quickly I did shift out of it, simply by remaining in it for as long as it needed me to.

And just like that, something changed.  I feel more alive, more inspired, more invigorated, more willing to fight for my dreams like never before.  More capable of doing what I need to do.

So I simply want to honor this last moon cycle and Venus/ Inanna for her journey into the underworld and the unforseen gifts of following Her there.  I am grateful.  I am blessed.

SIMPLE & GENTLE RITUAL:

To honor Her I will simply light a candle on my altar, in gratitude, in awe, in humble honor to have journeyed into my own darkness for the 3 days of the Dark Moon.  I will take a light 5 minute stroll in the dark moon’s modest light and reflect on the gifts offered of the depths of the Underworld.  I shall release tobacco or cornmeal into the wind  symbolic to the grief I have let go and let my gratitude float on the Earth Mother.  I will simply breathe in connection and magic and awe for all that I have learned during this cycle.  I am humbled to the depths, to my core and I welcome what was not able to come in before I cleared myself of the guck. It is now able to come and visit for I have cleared the trail.  Will you join me?

I am freer and lighter.  Now we really move forward and onward into soul expression in this life.

And so it is.

If you so feel called, do feel free to FOLLOW THE BLOG and receive self-connection rituals, Moon Musings and Sacred Art Tasks.

Photo Source:  http://nanfe.deviantart.com/art/Dark-Moon-in-a-Spring-Night-204752420

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The Venus Retrograde & Waxing Moon- Honoring both Dark & Light.

waxing moon2As we have moved into the Waxing Moon this past week I am aware of a heaviness on my chest…still!  I have dumped and dumped out the emotional cargo and yet still more remains.  We are in the middle of a Venus Retrograde so it all makes sense, it all has purpose.

Venus is said to be connected to Goddess Inanna who is the Goddess of both love and war.  She is known for Her descent into the underworld and when Venus goes retrograde it is symbolic to our own descent into our shadow and darkness.

Goddess Inanna is said to travel through seven gates in the underworld, at each one removing one piece of jewelry or clothing, symbolically shedding layers of herself, perhaps her ego.  It is where she explored her dark side until she was stripped down to nothing, to naked, raw Truth.  It’s like an initiation, each gate, each depth of darkness, harder, heavier. (this is the super duper coles notes version)

I feel in many ways this Venus retrograde is stripping me down, shedding parts of my darkness by making me move through it again and again, layer upon layer.  I’m aware of my darkness sitting there, lurking within me and around me like ravens stalking my every move.  It is swirling around me, sitting on the light standards, gawking at me letting me know it’s there.  It is there! I can’t ignore it.  It’s showing up in my pissy moods, my negative outlook, even judgmental thoughts.  It’s hard to name, hard to own, but it’s there, its real so here I go owning it.  We must look at our ugly parts, our mean, fearful, judgmental, jealous lathed parts.  This is what Jung would call our shadow. We all have one, their is great purpose in our dark, in the wounds, in the pain.  They are portals to Truth.  So lets’ own them, and work with them, allow them to lead us to light, consciously, constructively, not destructively.

Yesterday, I decided to give my darkness some conscious attention, some time, some outlet to come out.  I grabbed a largephoto (20)
sheet of paper (go ahead grab one yourself and try it out!! 🙂 ) and wrote out all my dark, heavy feelings, thoughts, words, judgments, negative, pity party words.  I let myself go there, deep, in the muck.  I rolled in it like a little piglet in the mud and allowed myself to honor the dark.  I felt good, it allowed the tears to come.  I was surprised to discover my way to the roots, to the Core of the matter, the true issue and pain.  I wrote down ALL the things I have endured the last 5 years on this dark, mud pile and let me tell you it has been a lot.  I named all the losses, all the pain, all the let downs and just let it be there in a pile on a sheet of paper on the floor.

“Holy shit that’s a lot!” I thought as I stared at the paper and let the tears come.

In some ways it allowed for some compassion and understanding of myself.  I’ve gone through the ringer, I went through it all at one time.  So I understand why I have buckets and buckets of grief, of sadness and rageful anger.

And I heard spirit whisper why I was moving through the darkness still, to fully clear and cleanse my soul palette for the fruitful labour and life ahead.  It will be wonderous and they want me to clear the cob webs in preparation.  It feels like an initiation, a shedding of all the armor, all the darkness that blocks the love and life force energy of the Divine trying to move in.

I remember going to a tarot card reader about five years ago who flipped “The Tower” card and said how everything in my life would collapse, would come to destruction, and that it did.  My old life has vanished, dissolved, crumbled into dust and I have been surviving in the rubble.  Now I am in process of prepping to rebuild.  I have been playing with the stones, unsure how to place them, but now is time to decide what I want to rebuild.

photo (19)So..on another sheet of paper (join me in this as well), I wrote down New Building and started to just feather out words of what I wanted, specific, clear, concise.  I’ve seen the draft, the plans for building and now I am to get started, preparing my life to manifest and build this vision, this architectual soul plan of my life.

So for now, we can honor the darkness that is there, see it, nod to it, honor it’s existence.  Give it release, give it conscious portals to move out of you, out of your cells, out of your body and out of your aura while you simultaneously begin rebirth,
and rebuilding.

We are in very healing and interesting times.  Life is gonna move swiftly and we will be blown into rebirth suddenly, we move out of the ashes and into the new.  So get ready, strap on your moon boots and ride the wave ahead….it’s magical!  Swirl in the stardust.

Little tidbits that have been helping..

  1. Being creative everyday..i’m refurbishing old furniture.
  2. Gratitude lists everyday.
  3. Journaling, letting the darkness spew out if it needs and flip siding it with writing the lightest, brightest thoughts about my dilemma or struggle.
  4. A gentle yoga practise to ground me, every day.
  5. Music, I mean really, music is the grandest soul medicine of all!

And so it is my friends.  Hang in there, hang tight…trust!  Darkness is the portal to great light!

xo Crystal

If you feel called, feel free to Follow the Blog for more Moon Musings, and soul connecting rituals.  🙂

Art by http://www.mickiemuellerart.com

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A Simple Dark Moon Ritual.

dark moonTonight marks the Dark Moon, well the last of it anyways as tomorrow we start a New Moon cycle.  This past month has been an emotional one, at times heavy and dark, sad and glad.  I’ve shed many tears this month and cleansed my soul palette.  It has been challenging and yet refreshing, I feel lighter and calmer…finally.  I had moments where I thought this was it, I’m headed to full blown breakdown only to come to a pond of tears and find out I was okay.  I could simply sit with the grief, hold it, cradle it, full blown feel and set it on its way like a leaf floating on the water.

I’ve been grieving my old standard of life and well-being, the old amounts of energy I had, a loss I experienced and didn’t let myself feel until now.  I was stripped down to the bones, my soul bones, and in many ways feel like I’m saying good bye to my old life.  A new set of wings await me, a new way of doing everything has emerged and I’m in transition, in process of finding this new way.  I’m trying to get comfortable with these new wings.  It changes everything, everything looks different, feels different.  My needs are different, my wants and desires, my ideas about what I wanted.  It’s all changing and it’s okay.

DARK MOON SIMPLE RITUAL

So tonight we honor the old, we lay it to rest.  We take some moments alone, in silence, in retreat, in reflection and we hold the past, the loss, the end of era in our hands.  Maybe it’s an ending of a relationship or job, or house or whatever, we simply lay it to rest.  If you can grab a stone and write on it that which you wish to bury, to honor it’s death and ending.  Bury the stone into the Earth Mother under the dark moon sky and say your last and final good-byes.  Maybe you want to write a good-bye letter or simply say some words in your mind or out loud.

This clearing, this ending is prepping us for the new life, new energy that lies ahead.

For me it’s my old life.  It’s never coming back and I can come to accept that so the new one I’ve been trying on can fully blossom.  I don’t have to reach backwards anymore, clinging onto something that I can’t find.

Let’s clear the waters for the New Moon tomorrow.

And so it is 🙂

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Artwork created by Mickie Mueller.

Fantasy and Fairy Art of Myth and Legend
http://www.mickiemuellerart.com

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A Blue Moon Lesson & Releasing Ritual.

blue moonThis month there is just so much going on, isn’t there?  At this Blue Moon (second full moon in one month), we are asked to move through shtuff and let it go.  I’ve been so sensitive this month, really reacting to lots, aware of much coming up for me. Puddles of grief and anger have re-surfaced and I even had to go a Bio-energetic counselling session to literally scream it out.  I twisted towels in anger, banged my feet against a block and allowed to tears to leak out like rushing waterfalls.  I made room to sob.  Yup, I sobbed and sobbed it out.  It was free-ing and exhausting, and it took all I had to give myself permission and space to do it.  I knew it was what needed to be done, even though I  kinda didn’t want to because it isn’t fun or easy.  I’ve been quite low key and low energy since the major release but certainly calmer and clearer.

I’ve come face to face with a pattern this month.  An old and familiar wound.  You see, I’m an Empath, I feel things deeply, I can feel energy and other people’s shtuff.  I can also feel deeply my own truth in my feelings.  I feel like my soul constantly meets these systems, these patriarchal, logical, linear, needing physical, material proof systems that focus on facts.  And my body, my sweet, alive, LOUD, soul expressing, feeling howling body speaks another Truth.

Sometimes the facts don’t align.  I come face to face with logic or someone else’s truth and it doesn’t align with mine.  My feelings,my body, my despair, my fear….they start to scream.  They howl until my gut is all twisted up.  I try and share my feelings, my gut instinct so to speak and it’s denied, ignored or even made fun of.  It’s so out there, so off beat, so opposite of what the facts are saying.  I’m accused of being wrong, or inaccurate or negative or whatever the case may be.

I’ve struggled with my voice, with knowing how to be heard.  With how and where to express some Truths with a capital T when the facts are saying otherwise.

I feel caught…stuck… my awareness is standing between logical truth and Mystery Truth.  A system or a person with authority, even someone in my life is telling me something that is not true for me and I feel a strong pang in my gut, it doesn’t ring true for me.  Something doesn’t feel right.  My body is very attuned, my inner knowing comes far before the facts show up and I have this habit of doubting Her.  Not because I don’t believe her but because I don’t know how to express my knowing and the yet to be revealed facts.  I’ve been rejected and taken a strip off of one too many times for knowing what has not yet been shown.

I reveal the truth to soon because I’m desperate to be heard and understood, even valued by others because I haven’t done that for myself.  I wait for them to give me permission to believe the Mystery of my intuitive, feeling expressing body.  And it doesn’t come, we live in a logic oriented world, where the physical and the logical are more valued and accepted than the magical and emotional.

I don’t trust that people value my feelings or intuitive knowings so I get quiet and deny my body.   I feel like I work hard to try and convince them of a point of view they simply don’t get or can’t see or understand.  And I get stuck in chaos, in anger, and in doubt and uncertainty in myself.  Am I wrong?  Am I missing something?  And I get frozen in that spot. The web of grief overtakes me and I move into the common wound.  I keep thinking I need and want someone to accept my strong feminine nature, my intuitive, emotional feeling ways and celebrate them rather than demean and diminish them and I wallow in the pain of been invalidated or denied.

I see now, it is me who must move from wallowing to being my own salvation.  I must be the people or person who celebrates and accepts and BELIEVES in myself and my gifts no matter what.  If they don’t hear or agree or understand, so what! I doesn’t mean I’m wrong or I need to explain myself better, it means I simply must find another door or road to support the Truth.  It’s a signpost leading me to another direction, not a rejection letter.

I can find another way, another door, another road, another person who hears me and validates me.  I can find support where there is support. I can ask the universe, my angels, my guides to lead the way, show me another road or trail that can support my knowing or Truth.  I don’t have to dwell in the cell of rejection, or feeling of being un-valued or unheard.  I don’t need to waste my time trying to get heard by people and systems who have dead ears.  I can go another way, I can find another trail where we all play the same harp songs.

I go through this lesson over and over to remember it is in my own self-acceptance.  I’ve come into this world to accept myself even if I am different, not to be accepted by others.  The later will come when I do the work first.  It’s like a sacred relationship with myself, a testing, a learning curve.  I get there….eventually but I need not keep going through the long, treacherous painful process of self-doubt.  Usually when the Truth finally reveals itself I’m full of buckets and pockets of grief and pain because I REJECTED MYSELF.  I knew all along and I didn’t believe myself, instead I followed what the doctor, or lawyer or other person unable to hear my Truth because the facts had not yet come.  And I’m tired of rejecting myself!  In fact I will no longer do it!

So on this full and blue moon, let’s howl it out.  Sing some songs, scream, twist towels in anger and release it out.  Get our voices out into the universe and sing our soul songs.  Play some fun,uplifting music and sing along.  Scream out what you no longer will carry.  Scream out your worth, your value, your gifts.  Scream out a love song yourself!

A BLUE MOON RITUAL:blue moon ceremony

Alright, let’s make this fun and magical.  Put on something blue, a blue scarf, shirt, blue nail polish, a necklace or ring.  Or all of the above!   Have some candles, light some incense, heck even get a couple fireworks.  Light a small fire outside or even candles and write on papers what you wish to release and burn that shit up!

I release…

Self- Doubt – Burn it!

Control – Burn it!

Frustration and anger- Burn it!

Grief – Burn it!

Now Make another list and carry it with you.

I CHOOSE…..

I choose self-love, self-acceptance.

I choose to another another’s point of view.

I choose to another my point of view.

I choose to allow myself to work with the Mystery to be guided and find my way, my voice, my path.

I choose to believe in magic.

I choose to accept my glorious gifts and share them, not hide them.

I choose to honor myself and others.

WHAT DO I WANT AND NEED?

I ask you Great Spirit, Grandmother moon, my guides, ancestors, angels, helpers and all beings who love me to show me and guide…

My way

My expression of my soul easily and freely

An easy manifestation of my soul work

The formal and form you best want me to express myself.

Lead me, I shall follow.

To wrap up this ritual do something you do once in a blue moon, like taking a skinny dip, have a unique supper like a fondue or buy champagne and toast the moon.  Make a Moon Garden, a place in your yard with special stones and objects or fairy houses, anything unique and special on this special occasion.  Celebrate this rare moment in time but doing something fun and radical for yourself or for you and your significant other.   

Enjoy this once this beautiful Blue Moon and release the old while welcoming in the new!  This is a time or major healing and releasing.

And so it is!

If you called, please do feel free to add your name to the email list to receive Moon Musings and soul nourishing rituals. I’d be honored!:) 

xo

Crystal

Photo source:  hdpics.com, meetup,com

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A Full Moon Ceremony for the Eclipse – A Letting Go Ritual…

releasing moonHappy Full Moon & Lunar Eclipse!!  Are you ready??? Here we goooooo…….

This full moon and eclipse are interesting.  There’s a lot of intense energies brewing.  Lunar eclipses are about endings and release.  We have started to set in motion new energies and new beginning with the solar eclipse and new moon a couple weeks ago and now we are asked to release.  Release something of the old…an old habit, an old thought, an old way of doing something.  It’s a final clearing, a good-bye for the long haul, a release…

Perhaps it finally loses our grip on us because we see it differently or finally see the ridiculousness of how and why we’ve convinced ourselves to hold on to it in our lives for so long.   In Manitoba, we thought spring had finally sprung and another sprinkling of the white stuff came and snowed on our parade.  And yet, I feel it so symbolic with the full moon.  It’s like one final visit, one final hoorah of the old ways showing up in our face.  One final un-welcomed surprise and discomfort in the cold to really ignite and fire up our deep desire for lasting change and release.

So what is it you’d like to let go of on this Full Moon and lunar eclipse?

Full Moon Ceremony – Release it out!letting go3

Today or tonight we shall ceremony in honor of this full moon.  We release what no longer serves us.

Gather your friends and/or family.  Light some candles and some incense.  Have everyone write out what they are releasing and why on a piece of paper.  Ask yourselves and write the following…

-when did the old come into your life?

-what have been the gifts of its presence if your life?

– what has life been like living with this part of the old shadow self?  What have been the struggles?

– Why do you want to release this?

– Express a goodbye.

Why are you done and breaking up with this part of the old shadow, the wounded ways of being and acting out?  Say good-bye, wish it well but you are done.  You are parting ways.  A death and rebirth cycle is at hand.  It’s a shedding, like a snake losing it’s skin.

When you are done, read allowed your paper and burn it.  Release it to the Earth Mother or the wind as they will transform the old energies into new life.  Close the energy of the ceremony by sprinkling some salt, tobacco or cornmeal on the ground and blow out the candles. Thank the Earth Mother, Grandmother Moon and the Universe at large for being witness and support for you during this ceremony.  And so it is…

I feel the need to buy a little plant to honor this death, and rebirth process.  That it symbolizes my release of an old stuck habit and start fresh, new and re-birthed committing myself and my path fully.  Join me in this if you wish 🙂

A final thought on this Full Moon…

I pulled two cards from two different decks and wouldn’t you know it they were both called Intuition.  It was funny because I pulled the second card because I wasn’t sure the first one really fit.  I started doubting and using my mind and logic and not my regular inner ways of knowing.  As I sat and reflected I chuckle how even my process of doubt is mirrored in their message.

Even in releasing once and for all this old way, this old crutch, this old pattern on this full moon, I kept re-turning to it when I allowed my mind to reason or trick me out of my knowing.  I would rationalize my way back to the old and not hold true to my inner knowing or true inner need.  It was easier to do the old way than to form a new pattern and new route.  So here we go, down this new road on this full moon and eclipse.  No more looping and circling down the old, shadowy roads.

I leave you with the Intuition card message from Lynn Andrews Power Deck.

” From the left side of your body comes your female energy, whether you are a man or woman.  Within this femaleness, this feminine consciousness, lives your intuition.  Intuition is the intelligence of your body-mind.  You feel what is true with your body-mind, rather that know what is true with your mind.  Intuition doesn’t have clouds of accumulated knowledge to distort your vision.  Intuition simply sees what is the truth.  Within intuition you can feel the source of your being without reasoning it away and being filled with doubt.  Doubt destroys your intuition.  Find your power always in balance between mind and intuition.”

This is Day 9 or the Day Wildly, Luscious, Soulful Living Challenge.  (Yup I took a day off yesterday teehee as I had many family commitments on the holiday but enjoyed them immensely).

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How to Release & Purify! Day 4 of the Wildly, Luscious Soulful Living Challenge.

Here we are…day 4 of the 30 Day Challenge.  walk

Today I awoke from some pretty vivid dreams of water, of pipes bursting, of throwing out old things stored in the flooded garage.  It feels that way today, a cleansing and cleaning up of the old energy, in preparation for this weekend’s full moon and lunar eclipse.  I feel in need of a purification.

So today we purify!!!  There are 2 options.  I actually did them both, I need that much purification tee-hee.  There is something I am working on releasing, letting go of… shifting.  How about you?  Is it a thought, an old belief or pattern?  Is it a vice or a need to cleanse the system of something we’ve been over-using or indulging in a bit too much?

Purification Ritual #1

A Cleansing Bath – Drop in some Epsom Salts and Essential Oils.  Any kind works.  I used cedar oil today.  It was lovely.

How often do you take a bath?  Me, almost never.  This was a task I really needed to commit to this morning.  But once I was in there and allowed myself to sit and soak, sweat and release.  It felt amazing, luscious, nourishing to mind, body and soul.  I visualized releasing my stuff in the water and allowing my mind and soul to release out the energy that needed to be cleansed.  It felt like a detox, a reboot of the system, a symbol re-birthing and replenishing.  Give it a whirl, you’ll love it!

Purification #2

Take a walk in the woods or in a park.  And as you walk shake off the old stagnant energy.  Literally shake your hands and your feet, wiggle your whole body if you can.  Have you ever seen that Friends episode where Phoebe goes a job but runs like a wild and free kid.  It’s kinda like that.  Walk or run and release.  Shake that shit out.  You will actually feel a ton of energy coming out of your hands, you may even feel like you are vibrating.  This is a good thing, the energy is moving.  I had a pair of mitts on and had to take them off the energy was so intense.  I was reverberating.  So be silly, wild, free and release that shtuff!

Happy, healthy cleansing folks!

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MY FRIENDS BE SURE TO FOLLOW THE BLOG TO RECEIVE THE DAILY CHALLENGES.  Smiles, hugs and warmth.

Crystal

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5 Minute Reflective Writing Exercise for the Retrograde.

writingMy mind is still on feelings.  Feelings….gotta love those feelings (this plays as a fun little jingle in my head). I feel that because we are in a mercury retrograde we must continue to reflect AND feel the old stuff that is surfacing to sort through.  We become clear this way.  It’s like forming a “yay” or “nay” pile of emotional cargo we are keeping and releasing.  What is coming up for you?  What is whispering at you through trickles of anxiety in your gut or scratching at your ferociously in your throat?  Are you teary?  Are you joyful?  Are you inspired?  What gift is this emotional information bringing to you?  What do you need?

I feel a bit stuck, spinning, swirling…moving in all directions not just one. I got caught up in my head. Even my writing got stuck because I was writing with my mind and not from my guts, not from the place of my primal, tribal, feminine soul, swirling with colorful paintbrushes on the landscape of my life but from the place of the “shoulds”.  And, that’s the shits!  So I listened to the stuckness and heard what it had to say.  Go buck wild, play, indulge in fun.   Joyously release the old.  Retrogrades are a time of reflecting and tying up the past, bring closure to the unfinished business.

I was pushing to hard, trying to force something rather than allowing it to emerge simply on its own.   I was standing in front of a few different pathways trying to figure out which one I should travel down.  One path I tried in the past and walked away from it, it just didn’t fit.  Here it was again sitting at the the crossroads and I contemplated taking it but the universe and my health intervened and I did not walk that road.  I realize how much that closing that door was a gift even though part of me wanted to take it.  It wasn’t truly me, I’d be twisting and turning myself trying to make it fit.  And in restorative yoga class, the answers occurred, just share and be and walk the path that has always been inside you.  I’m already down the right road, be patient, trust and most importantly…dance!! 😉

There’s an energy within that naturally wants to be danced out not forced out fiercely and quickly.  It shuts down like that and quivers into a corner, unwilling to come forth by force.

I had the pleasure of going out for lunch with a good pal and we chatted some about feelings and how many of us are so afraid to hear them as sacred messengers.   I’m sure every one of us has had a bout of feeling down, maybe it’s depression (which is simply stagnation/inertia/stuckness of energy).  And maybe it’s not.  However it’s a feeling of being ho hum, down, blue.  Maybe you’re like me and you feel irritated, on edge, agitated, emotional, leaking tears at every turn.  This is information!!! Let us listen to it.  There’s a deep deep message and sometimes that message is not what we want to hear but it is our truth.  It’s often information that our souls and minds are not in unity, instead our minds are running the show.  Our wild, free spirits get annoyed, agitated, and feel devalued, even hurt.  Our soul whispers or sometimes screams through our tears….”I’m not happy in this job or relationship.  I’m dying on the inside in all these care-giving roles….I need more.”

WRITING EXERCISE:  Going Inward.

Go to that primal, tribal,feminine woman in you.  Imagine her inside your body, your being.  What does she look like.  Feel her emerge.  Take a posture or stance that feels like hers.  Become her.   From that place I want you to write.  Set your timer for five minutes and just write with the following prompt.  “I need….”  Don’t lift your pen, don’t think, just go wild on the page for five luscious minutes and let her speak up.  Stretch your imagination and invite in your wildest dreams….This is how we feel fulfilled when we tap into our inner wild.

Please do share your experiences 🙂

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