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Full Moon and Equinox Energies.

This full moon and equinox is a pivotal time in our healing vortex. We will either step forward into new pathways and patterns or we will stay stuck in the same old rut. It really does feel like a fork in the road. Will we choose to be far more intentional and conscious or will we remain on automatic pilot ?

My husband and I have a counselling appointment coming up on Monday…and I called to cancel it. Why ? Because we had this and that to do and time off work and blah, blah, blah. It’s our old pattern…put our relationship last and prioritize everything else until we have “time” to focus on us and our marriage.

Well guess what?! The time never comes!!! Like. Ever!

We MUST create space for it. It’s easier to cancel and deal with it later while getting all our stuff done but our marriage needs to be the priority. I told the hubby… “look I know we are in the middle of a shit load of things to do right now with bathroom renos, getting ready for our soon to be arriving baby #3 and firewood cutting for next year. But we still need to go to counselling. Our pattern is to avoid or put our stuff on the back burner until we have “time” to get into it and the truth is we never have the time nor will it magically appear.”

We are doing some deep healing in our relationship and we both realize we need to flip our pattern upside down. Our relationship must come first instead of last and everything else falls behind Its’ needs because without our marriage there really is nothing else. All that other stuff stems and grows out of having an us. There are no Reno’s in our home if there is no marriage. There’s no baby prepping together if there’s no marriage… you get the drill.

So we kept the appointment and will go and get real raw and vulnerable and face our discomforts and fears and voice deep truths and needs to each other rather than remain unfocused and unconscious to the needs of our relationship.

I feel like this is a real act of power, a real act of love. It feels like a resetting and intentional step forward into forming a new deeper bond focused with our marriage in the centre and not at the bottom end of our to do list.

That is what this full moon and equinox is about . Forming new pathways and patterns. New wires will transmute and grow new and glorious things.

Will it be easy peasy? No! Will it be comfortable? Likely not…but it will feel right. It will create an inner peace and knowing that you are making changes and that my friends is healing.

So happy Equinox (spring for us here in Canada) and happy full moon. May you make an act of power and love for yourself and your healing .

And so it is ❤️🌷

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Thanks so much for reading .

Crystal

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Relationships, relationships, relationships… Thanks Jupiter! :)

relationshipsWe just passed the September 9, 2016 junction, that’s 999 in numerology.  9 is about completion, endings and healing.  And this past week Jupiter entered Libra for the year and Libra is all about relationships, justice… and balance 🙂

Since the New Moon, I’ve been confronted with the issue of boundaries and the dissolution of old relationships that are rearing their heads and pressing upon mine and my family’s boundaries.  I get rattled, angered, irritated at this cross of the line.  I seen a quote this morning that offers great wisdom in dealing with those boundary line crossers by the lovely Brene Brown..”Don’t shrink, don’t puff up, just stand your sacred ground.”

I’ve been thinking a lot about how to handle someone who has caused great hurt.  Do we welcome them back in with forgiving arms…in the sense forgive and forget?  Or do we forgive and move on? When trust is broken and wounds have been seared into our relational skin, we need time, we need healing to mend from the wounds we have experienced in our relationships.  But when do we draw the line in the sand and say, “I’m done with this.”?

When somebody injures you (emotionally, mentally, spiritually), what is your response?  Do you express your pain?  Is it heard?  Is it honored?  Do you forgive easily?  Does the other person own their shit and apologize? Do you ? Does it happen again and again like a vicious cycle?

For me there is a piece of enabling that can occur when we forgive too easily.  We need to allow others to know the pain they’ve caused and take ownership of it. We need action, not words to know they are truly sorry and working on changing old patterns or we run the risk of being caught in the enabler cycle. “Enabling can describe dysfunctional behavior approaches that are intended to help resolve a specific problem but in fact may perpetuate or exacerbate the problem.  A common theme of enabling is that third parties take responsibility or blame, or make accommodations for a person’s harmful conduct. The practical effect is that the person himself or herself does not have to do so, and is shielded from awareness of the harm it may do, and the need or pressure to change…” (Adapted from Wikipedia dictionary)

This can lead to co-dependence without caution. When trust is broken, we need to know that the other party takes ownership, responsibility and accountability for their actions (as do we).  But what if they don’t?  What if you are left to linger by their silence and removal from your life? What if they try and come back after these actions?

What happens when the arrows of betrayal, abandonment, humiliation or rejection (the four major wounds) pierce our hearts by those we thought were closest or felt should be the closest?  How does one heal?

It’s not an easy journey and I think it’s an individual process.  For some relationships when there is the healing balm of ownership, accountability and apology we can forgive and forget and grow.  For other relationships we may forgive but not forget and leave the relationship dissolved and that is okay. We do not need to force relationships if there is no foundation to them.  If there is no trust, no respect, no humility in our interactions, it is okay to lay them down to rest or allow them to be distant and respectful, even kind from afar.

So as we cross the bridge and ending cycles of the 9-9-9 numerological calendar, honor yourselves as you explore healing old relational wounds. Look at your contributions to them as well, our own short comings and healing spaces.  Did we allow ourselves to be treated in a certain manor by not having boundaries or a voice?  Perhaps circumstances were created to help move you out of a dead-end relationship or friendship. Things blow up, things change, it happens.  Can you allow this?  Perhaps there is friction in a relationship to help you and the other person to evolve, to heal, to grow…perhaps, it’s a lesson in letting go or expanding.

EXPLORING OUR RELATIONSHIPS EXERCISE.

So here is a little exercise to help you explore those relationship issues (friendships and familial relationships included) with a deeper lens.

Close your eyes and take some deep breaths.  Settle into your body and feel the wave of relaxation float through you like a cloud.  Think of a relationship you have been struggling with and allow an image to come to mind that symbolizes that relationship.  Just go with what comes, even use your imagination.  For me one image is an empty and leaking fish tank.  The other is an armored suit with a sword for another relationship.

Now that you have your image, let’s talk to it…yup that’s what I said, let’s talk to the image like it were a living being 🙂  Get some pen and paper and dive inward.  Journal and respond to these questions, just go with what comes first.

  1.  How do you (the image) represent my relationship?
  2.  What am I needing in this relationship?
  3.  Why or how did the relationship get to this point?
  4. What guidance do you have about this relationship ?
  5.  If this relationship transformed or healed, what image comes to mind to represent this?  How does this image translate into real life?  How does the image symbolize what you need from this other person or yourself in the relationship?

 

Happy healing, it’s all good friends.

And so it is.

xo

Crystal

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image by sheswanderful.com

Full Moon, healing, meditation, Uncategorized, womens health

April Full Moon- A Healing Inner Journey Ritual

fullmoonaprilOkay, here it is on a silver platter…my triggers, my wounds, my scabs and scars.  This full moon is shining her light upon them.  We are being called to heal, to dig deeper, to follow the pain to it’s root.

And this is mine…I hate it when I don’t feel heard.  I hate feeling like someone is trying to dominate or control me.  I want to shriek to the mountain tops and yell, just fricken listen to me!  Hear me, respect me and honor my perspective.  This is an eon old wound for many of us, one that has likely been passed from generation to generation.  We have been silenced by dominance, by fear, by control.  And we are now finding our power but with this awakening is the transcending of the old wounds.

I was used to surrendering my power and my voice, it was my pattern. Now, it has shifted to me being overly on guard, protective and at times demanding when my wound is cracked open…sad but humbly true. I’m reactive in the guts and blood of my hurt and I want control while I’m in the battle ground of the old painful memories.  I have sadly at times become dominant and controlling in the face of feeling unheard.

I’m so afraid of falling back to powerlessness and voicelessness I swing to the other side of the tracks and exert defensiveness, doubt and assume the worst possible outcome in a situation or about another.  This happens after trauma. You feel like everything is un-safe at first until slowly but surely, you have moments of safety and trust again.  Yet the memory, the pain of  betrayal and of hurt lurks underneath taunting your belief structures….”Assume the worst…protect yourself…assume they will fail or hurt you…be cautious…”

Here’s the deal, I used to surrender all my needs and wants in my relationships timidly and passively and I got very burned in my last marriage (that ended).  As a protective response I have been so focused on my needs and wants completely so they would not fall to the wayside once again that I have kept on my protective metal suit out of fear.  It has become my patterned response out of the memory of being so broken and hurt.  I armor up in situations that don’t need armoring, rather than be a sharer of power.  I placed myself first (which is lovely) but can border on selfish and inappropriate in a union.  There are two people’s needs in relationships, not just one.  It’s a balance of compromise, compassion, kindness, and understanding. I have wanted all of that myself and I have not always offered it.  I was victimizing myself when I wasn’t being victimized, only remembering the memories of my timid stance and ways in old relationships as a result have acted dominant. (not always but sometimes, when the button is really hit).

There sure are power battles in my relationship and I think we are finding a way to both feel like we have a sense of power together, in union.  Sometimes I will lead and other times I will let him lead.  This is hard for me…to let him lead.  It doesn’t always have to go my way, I don’t have to go take the reins all the time.  I can trust.

This is the essence of this Full Moon.  It is summoning up the wounds, the core, the muck at the root so we can really, really heal.  The loss of my voice, the silencing of my voice, the lack of use of my voice…these are my issues.  This moon is calling us to explore our sense of personal power and how that translates in our lives…and in our relationships.

It’s time to apply the balmy healing salve to heal it once and for all.

I have been reactive in my triggers in the last few months and since the New Moon I am more focused on witnessing and responding.  I am seeing the other and offering them what I need and want in the moment…to be heard. I’m offering kindness and respect rather than rage and even though things are emerging, they are not exploding like little hand-bombs in my everyday life.

So on this full Moon I invite you to take a step back and witness the chaos. As Lynn Andrews says, “stand in the eye of the storm and let it swirl around you while you stay rooted up against a tree.”  Things are changing, swirling, moving and we are asked to stand in the storm and allow it.  There is healing in change, in the swirls, in the upheaval that can emerge when we open the can of woundedness.  Allow it in…trust in the path and the Great Mother herself.

FULL MOON INNER JOURNEY RITUAL full moon journey

Spark up those candles and incense, take a few deep breaths and float into the dream world.

Imagine you are in a safe, calm, peaceful place, whatever that is for you..  Go with whatever comes up first.  I want to imagine that a wise and loving presence is walking towards you.   What do you see?  Who is this presence? Do they have a name?  What do they look like or what are some unique features about this presence.

They take a seat beside you and you notice too that the wounded part of yourself is there too. What do you notice about this part of you?

Ask the wise and loving presence how you can help your wounded self heal and clear old worn out fearful ways of living.

What old belief structures need healing and releasing?

What if love enveloped you and you felt safe and cared for, supported?  How would your wounded self feel and think differently?

Journal your about your journey inwards and enjoy the healing benefits of wisdom and love.

Feel your feet on your floor or ground, blow out your candles and bring your hands to your own heart in gratitude and self-love.

Aho!

Here’s my journey:

My wise and loving presence is an old Native woman who I have worked with before in my dreams.  I see my wounded self in head to toe body armor like a tin soldier and yet underneath the armor I know there is a wise and growing woman.  What do I do to help heal this part of me I ask my grandmother presence?

“Take off her armor,” she says.

It feels raw and vulnerable as I remove the metal shields.  Now what I ask?  How can I help her feel stronger and transcend the past?

I see her implanting healing crystals all over my wounded self’s body where I feel weakened and fearful.   She wraps me in scarves and says, this is gentler than metal armor.  Love can still come in.

I can feel my heart still has a hole…a weak spot.  She puts her hand over my chest and I can feel warmth.

“Time will help.  New experiences will help. What is the belief here?” she asks me as she continues to feel my heart energy.

I’m so afraid to go through such loss again, I’m not sure I’d make it this time.

“Are you willing to lose out on life just in case you might have more loss? My sweet girl, there will always be loss but there is also a lot of good life. If you keep the armor on you will create your own loss.  You will lose love anyways.”

I’m so afraid for things to fall apart again after I have finally just rebuilt them.  What if something happens to my baby?  What if my marriage crumbles?  What if I’m unable to return to work…what if, what if,what if??????

“Take a breath sweet girl,” she says.  Fear has enveloped you. What if love enveloped you?  What would you think, see and feel?”

I’d see the wonder and amazing blessings I have in my life, I’d be focused on this and not the potential of loss.  I’d be ecstatic that I’m having a baby, and allow in my excitement rather than shut it down.  I’d enjoy the blissful moments of my marriage more often, in fact I’d probably create them more often.  I’d see the sunshine and the grass growing and my beautiful, cozy, safe home.  I’d feel how blessed I am and full my heart is rather than an empty fear.  I’d be joyous.

“So let the scarves of love envelop you each morning and inhale the joy and wonder in your life,” she says.

She kisses my forehead and tells me to call upon her anytime.

And so it is!!!

Much love

xo

Crystal

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Photo 1 – tealhealing.blogspot.com

phote 2 – white wolf journeys. com

astrology, ceremony, Full Moon, healing, meditation, Spirituality, Uncategorized, womens health

A Healing Full Moon/Eclipse Ritual & Your Inner Queen

full moon march

Happy FULL Moon and Lunar Eclipse. The energies are brewing, the cauldron is stirring, the chaos,emotions, turmoil, struggles, and calls to grow and expand are bubbling.  Our unhealed shadowy selves are called to the surface so we can free them from the cages, free them from the rapture of old wounded ways and alas heal the cuts of the past.

Just the other day while walking my dogs, I heard this strange loud chirping in the trees. I’d never heard such a strange and loud gawk from birds before and wondered what the heck was calling in such in an unusual howl.  Then I seen my dogs jumping onto the bottom of a tree while an innocent ole’ ground hound gripped on for life to a branch near the top shrieking those unusual howls.

The Ground hog tells us…(from http://www.spirit-animals.com/groundhog/)

“You are being asked to explore altered states of consciousness deeper. The answers are within you – however you just have not dug deep enough to find the root of it. Groundhog can also be letting you know that you need to pay attention to your metabolism. Be aware of how your diet influences your natural bodies cycles and to make dietary adjustments to balance the workings of your body.

Alternatively Groundhog can be giving you fair warning that you have overstepped someone boundaries or someone is overstepping yours. Best is to resolve the situation with respect and from the heart.”

This full moon is in Libra, the sign about relationships.  Throw in a lunar eclipse and the intensity quadruples.  Lunar eclipses bring endings, shifts, and sudden change.

This fits well with Ground Hog’s message about boundaries, especially concerning relationships.  For me, I have someone in my life that I must deal with who constantly pushes and tries and over step my boundaries.  But I must look at the root, at my own causal piece in this.  I get thrown off, annoyed, frustrated, even irritated.  My mind sometimes loops into his trail of chaos and un-groundedness and  I literally start spinning with him until I remember to ground, stay firm, follow the agreements.

He rages, gets annoyed, calls me down, makes me the problem. But that’s okay.  My job is to figure out my stance.  As I enter the dream world to get some guidance and Higher vision on this circumstance, I see a large yard with a short white picket fence.  This is symbolic to my boundaries…nice, small, easy to step over.  So I ask my guides, how can I prevent him from stepping over my fence.

“Build a taller, stronger fence!” they say.

Of course! Keep things firm.  Don’t compromise, don’t adjust.  Focus on my peace, my emotional well-being, not his responses.  Easier said then done.  My inner cauldron of wounds, bubble over with feelings of fear and uncertainly.  I’m uncomfortable asserting my line knowing I will be met with resistance, with push back.  I get ready, get defensive, get myself preparing for the next set of attacks.  I want this response, this pattern to end.  It’s bullshit.  So I look inward to explore where the wound is so I can make the change.

I have this lingering patterned response, a neuro-conscious response (in mind-body therapy terms) where fear pumps into my chest when I must assert myself or express that my boundary has been crossed.  I feel childlike, timid, afraid of asserting my voice, my stance.  It stems from my childhood.  I’m afraid of getting into trouble.  But this belief, is old, tiresome, out dated.

So I follow the trail to the root.  Why am I afraid to assert myself? I know it stems from my dad, as much as I love him, when I was younger he yelled a lot when I’d try and find my voice.  It made me shrink in the face of conflict, authority, or anger.  I get afraid.  But what am I afraid of?  Being rejected? Being reprimanded?  Being wrong?

I get all twisted up in another’s point of view instead of remaining grounded in my own.  I start to question my accuracy, if I’m being selfish or the purity of my intent.  I doubt myself, and my knees start to wobble, I begin to feel weak and less confident in myself and my ability to assert my boundary begins to crumble.  I give in, stay silent and cower in the face of conflict only to beat myself up for stumbling.

There’a a connection to my voice, like somehow I won’t be believed or heard or honored. inner queenThere’s an old belief that my voice won’t be listened to so I go to the extreme defense protecting myself, trying to get validated, understood, and heard from the other person. This feels like to the root of my over-active immune system (auto-immune), always on the defense, hyper-aware, hyper-vigilant for attack and I must protect myself.  But there’s a difference between being overly cautions “on the defense” with being firm, assertive, and a Queen.  Rather than protecting my fence with a metal-suited soldier, I can call upon my inner Queen to simply stand there and energetically hold her presence.  There’s no defense, there’s confidence, certainty, trust in Herself, her power, her decision.  TRUST IN HERSELF! It’s just an energy of upholding the line, not defending it.

My inner Queen says to my inner child, “Who cares!  Who cares if he rejects you, you’ve already rejected him.  He can’t reprimand you and no, your feelings are not wrong.  Do not be afraid to expect your boundaries to be respected!  That is your right.”  

Expect to be respected. There is such power in that.  That is where my wound lies.  I have expected to be disrespected and prepare for this instead of standing firm in my right to be respected.  I will expect to be respected.  That just completely changes the energy of everything, don’t you think?! 🙂

“How can I feel as strong and confident as you?” my scared, child part asks my Queen.

“Put on your crown and cape little girl and believe in your own authority.”

I imagine my little girl with the crown and cape the Queen has gifted her and she feels naturally more confident and sure of herself.  She knows, she remembers, she owns that she is indeed a Queen. A Queen with power, assertion, and authority.  She commands the stage with her presence.

And so it is.

FULL MOON/ LUNAR ECLIPSE HEALING RITUAL:

Grab your journal, light a candle, put on some music and spark up an incense.  Drift inward, imagine seeing your inner child.  It’s time to dive inward to where we need balance and restoration.  It’s time to end old, wounded ways of being.

 

It’s time to dream, go inward and write and reflect with your magical inner world.  Get out your journals, turn on the switch to your imagination and travel into the healing gates of wonder…

1)Explore your inner parts, particularly your inner child, the wounded child.  What patterns, beliefs, wounds keep you stuck in old wounded patterns in your relationship? What does your inner child look like?  What are they wearing, what is their stance, what is their energy and presence?  What words or feelings come to mind with this part of you?

3) Think of a relationship with a certain person or people that you have been struggling with. Imagine the relationship dynamic or your presence in the relationships in the form of a landscape that reflects your boundaries and interactions within it.  What do you see and notice? What is there? What colors and images? What does this say about your patterns or wounded beliefs?

4)  Imagine seeing your inner Queen walking from her castle to this landscape. How does she move, feel and change the feeling with her presence?  What does she look like?

5) Ask her how you can heal this old pattern in your relationship or relationships and see if she will give you something, an object or objects to help you in shifting this old way of relating.

Share your experiences 🙂

And so it is!!!

 

This moon’s mantra.  “I assert my boundaries with ease by owning and stepping into my Inner Queen.”

 

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Uncategorized

A Quick And Easy Way to Re-Ignite the Love in Your Marriage. All you need is 5 Minutes.

loveI’m going to let you all in on a little secret.  I read an article just yesterday about the secret to a long lasting marriage.  You know what it was….kindness!  Can you believe the simplicity in that?!  However, it is simultaneously complex because sometimes it’s hard to be kind to the person that can push ALL of your buttons.

It takes some conscious effort to be intentionally kind and thoughtful in our marriages.  It’s easy to overlook and forget the good when life is busy and stressful.  It’s easier to dump out the emotions on our loved one’s for their tiredness or laziness and spear them with complaints how they always fall short or fail us.  I’m guilty, I’ve done it.  I usually do it when my own love tank is empty.  It’s easy to take for granted our significant other and focus on what they do wrong rather then ask for what we need.  But negativity only breeds negativity.

So here’ s a quick little habit I’ve been getting into lately that is really changing my life and transforming my relationship.  It started because of an awful dream I had where my husband left me for an unattractive but kind and loving woman because I was too crotchity and demanding, I always pointed out his flaws rather than appreciate his good.  He said he couldn’t take it anymore and just wanted to feel loved.  It was awful, I woke up changed, burdened, scared and refocused on making sure he knows how much I love him and appreciate the beautiful parts of him I fell in love with.  That unconscious mind is a powerful tool!

Here’s what ya do…

Each morning write 5 things you love about yourself and why.  Let’s get real and responsible here and know that we need to fill our own love tanks too.  So go ahead and toot your own horn! To start your day with five sentences that start with, “I love myself for…” will truly change your life. It’s necessary to appreciate yourself, it builds confidence and self-esteem. If you can’t love and appreciate yourself, you will not be able to receive the love of others. So bring attention to and list your wondrous accomplishments and sweet, nice, loving things you did as a wife, mother, friend or daughter. That’s right, celebrate your good and bright stuff because you simply deserve it. It will feed your self worth and confidence.

Now, do the same for your significant other and remember why you fell in love with this person.  Go on, write those 5 fabulous things about your honey and don’t forget the “why” of your statements.  Maybe you remember how gentle he was with your son yesterday or how how she brought you home a coffee after work or how often he tells you how beautiful he thinks you are. Write down the love, remember it, savour it, wrap yourself in the caress of its presence. You’ll find that as you focus on the good, sweet, and luscious moments in your relationship and of your “boo”, you won’t be so bothered or annoyed when they leave their boots in the middle of the entrance way or the toothpaste cap on the sink. It will roll off your back because you are full and focused on love.  Your memory of their acts of love and amazing qualities and will be present when those less attractive habits show up.  Then you realize they simply are not that important or that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things and in the big picture of your loving relationship.   And remember, you got those unattractive habits too so be gentle.  😉

Side note…you can do this for each one of your kids too and see how you are more calm, grounded and patient when the toilet plugs and there’s cereal all over the floor.

Join me and make yourself a Love Journal.

love2

Enjoy

xo

Crystal