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How Illness Can be an Opportunity for Soul Work.

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Hi Friends

I want to share a powerful healing journey with you I’ve been going through.  I recognize we won’t have exact experiences but I hope somehow it resonates for you in your own life, with your own particulars.

I have been struggling with my chronic illness lately, having to do a lot of blood infusions  and dealing with a lot of inflammation, particularly in my large intestine this time around.  I am a believer and student of mind/body medicine and ways of the Sacred Feminine, meaning I know my body has something to tell me.  Illness and inflammation are always messengers from my deepest Self and health challenges are an opportunity for healing if we choose to explore it as such.

So after five days of struggle, I finally sit down and listen.  After some podcasts and reflections these questions have emerged.

  1.    How am I showing up for myself in my life?
  2.    What are ways I can show up for myself in my life more often and what does                 that look like?
  3.    How do I need to show up for myself and my soul more regularly?

 

Here we go…

I have not been showing up for myself in my life at all lately.  I hear my grumbling, tired soul and body and instead of tending to it, I’ve been zoning out, watching tv, going to sleep, keep busy busy busy.  My mind has been swirling with ideas, and new goals but I’m spinning in stuckness not putting pen to paper, just living in the land of busy mom and not showing up for myself.  That is step one, recognizing the problem.

I can show up for myself more often perhaps in little segments or tidbits.  I need to schedule it in during kid naps and block off at least one evening a week to do some deep soul pouring and get my course written/created.  In the meantime I can light candles, listen to podcasts as I clean or hang with baby, and keep moving my body in loving ways.

How do I need to  show up for my soul more often?  I think and feel I really need to commit to taking 10-20 minutes each evening, writing, journaling, reflecting, pondering, whatever that may be and check-on.  I just need to create me soul space in my life.  Writing is part of that for me and helps me move out my stuck thoughts.  And I need to commit like my health depended on it, cause my body is telling me it is!

 

In mind-body medicine and energy healing irritations with the LARGE INTESTINE have to do with, “crying spells, confusion, irritation, frustration, stagnation, and anger.  Thinking that you can’t do any thing right.  Wanting to run away and hide form the world.  Feeling that you are too different and that no one understand you.  Difficulty seeing other people’s point of view. Dogmatically defending your position in arguments. Extremely sensitive, thin-skinned.”  (The Secret Language of Your Body by Inna Segal pg.64)

I resonate with all of this.  I’ve been spinning, stuck, overwhelmed, lost, scattered and thus frustrated.  I have had crying meltdowns in my overwhelm, feeling like I keep trying to swim to shore but can’t find the shore.  I realize now I just needed to stop swimming, take a look and make a plan.  Take one step at a time and cut some things out that I’m not quite ready for.  Visualize where I’m going and focus on each pearl on the thread one by one.  I’ve been trying to hold three or four chains of pearls and I’m spinning in stickiness not knowing which one to focus on.

 

So on this lovely October day, I invite you go through the questions listed above and just free flow your pen to page.  Set a timer for 5 minutes and don’t lift that pen up til the timer goes off.  Invite yourself back into your life.  Please share your findings in comments.

 

If you’d like to receive free self and soul connecting activities and rituals, please FOLLOW MY BLOG (hit the button) and I’d love for you to join the Women’s Tribe Facebook Page as well.

With warmth

Crystal

 

 

 

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How my Old Marriage Showed up as Plantar Fasciitis in my Feet.

bodyhealingFunny things happen to your body post baby.  I was seven years younger last time and this time it’s definitely harder to rebound back.   I hurt more, I’m slower paced, crickedy in the ole’ bones.

In mind/body therapy, the body is seen as a sacred messenger, a literal expression of internal emotions, memories, un-recognized feelings, soul needs or patterns of old ways of doing life that have resulted in injury.

My problem has been in my feet, mostly my left foot. I can barely walk some mornings. Such as strange thing for me. I know pregnancy ignited the ligament issues but my Lordess, do they hurt like never before.

The podiatrist says it’s tendinitis and Plantar Fasciitis. Oye.  For me my pain radiates from the bottom of the outside of my foot up to my ankle, almost as though the tendon is just so tight, it literally can’t stretch as far as it needs to.

So what are my wise old feet trying to tell me? As I close my eyes and sit with them, they tell me I’m still getting my footing and bearings with our new family circle and the shifts required in that.  The memories of my old life that got pulled out from under my feet the last time I had a baby, lingers in the cells of my precious feet.  They feel cautious, uncertain if they can securely lay roots and ground.  They wonder if it will be safe based on the memories of my ex-husband’s infidelity and the loss of everything I had last time my other baby was born.   This translates into me over-doing everything, trying to be a good wife and mom so that my husband won’t leave (even though I know he won’t cause he’s a good man this hubby).  I take little time for myself to try and ensure he’s coping okay and won’t bail on me like my first husband but this old outdated, wounded belief is showing up in the ligaments of my feet.  I’m exhausted, depleted, over-stretched, tired of serving everyone else but myself.  I need to balance the scales…and my feet!

 In her book The Secret Language of Your Body, Inna Segal lists some contributing factors with foot issues as…

  • feeling stuck, bogged down, obligated to others, missing the big picture.

In particular she gives special attention to each foot.  The left foot in as in my case reads (pg.42)

“Disconnected from your needs.  Too much focus on the outside world and what you need to do for others….Dragging pain from the past or from difficult relationships.  An imbalance between giving and receiving.  “

The ankle (left) (pg.13)

“Difficulty tuning in to yourself and listening to your own counsel. Belief that you have to be a slave to others, especially your children, your partner or your work.  Not spending enough time nurturing yourself and discovering what is important to you.”

Holy bananas…right?!

So if anything, my feet…my wise crickedy body – is saying that in order for me to find my footing again I must create more space for me in my own life.  I must tend to my own needs alongside the needs of others.  I need to carve out me time, fun time, creative time.  I also need to let go of the old memories from the last marriage that have lingered into my new life.

In shamanism, illness occurs when we have somehow lost our sense of power and connection to the Universe and I must admit this is true for me.  The trauma of the dissolution of my last marriage that resulted in me losing my house, my dogs, my marriage, and my security, all with a new baby in tote…has put me in a role of servant out of fear.  I fear I will be abandoned again (only a small part of me, but I guess deep down the fear is seeping in my tissues). So here I go listing my most radical fears to get it out of my body…

-I fear if I am not everything perfect, perfect mom, wife, perfect body, he will leave and find someone else.

-If I don’t hold most of the load he will feel overwhelmed and leave because he won’t be able to handle it,

-I can sacrifice more, I’m stronger that way, I can suffer more and bear it than him, this way he won’t leave.

Those are the fears that live at the root of my actions to put myself last.  They come from my first marriage, from a partner that was never enough and that was our relationship contract.  I gave and gave and he took.  I need to surrender these memories, these old ways of balance in parenting and plant them in the soil to decompose and turn into something new.  I will literally do this, list them and plant them in the soil to rest.  Maybe on rocks, maybe on paper.

To be in my power is to know that I can connect to my needs, express them, tend to them, do what I need in balance of the needs of others. I need not sacrifice myself to receive and maintain love and if so, it is not really love, nor a healthy relationship.  New cellular beliefs…

Both parents and spouses have the responsibility to equally hold their share.

-I can ask for what I need and allow myself to go out and get it or to receive it.

-I don’t have to be perfect, I can have failures and still be loveable and loved.

-I can express and meet my own needs which means letting my husband hold the fort and me taking a break from it.

I ask my guide for some further direction and she says, “There’s a letting go here that must occur, a softening,  a release, a surrendering of the fearful memories and paralyzing fear. Soften into your power and stand tall no matter what.  Meet your needs first no matter what and all else, including your foot and alignment will fall into place.  You will be loved, you are love.”

Isn’t the body amazing?  What a journey that was.

So if you want to understand your own body’s magic wisdom here are a few steps.

  1. Close your eyes and take a few breaths, allow yourself to move into relaxation and calmness.
  2. Move your attention to the place in your body that is giving you some pain or struggle.  List words, feelings, sensations that come to find as you move your attention there.  Literally write them down or doodle images that come to mind.
  3. Imagine that part of your body became an alive person, and ask it some questions…what are you feeling? What are you trying to tell me through the pain? What are you needing? How can I offer you some relief and healing?
  4. Imagine a loving, healing, supportive guide come and place their healing energy onto the place of discomfort in your body.  Ask this guide to tell you what would help for further and deeper healing.

 

And so it is my friends.

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