As we have moved into the Waxing Moon this past week I am aware of a heaviness on my chest…still! I have dumped and dumped out the emotional cargo and yet still more remains. We are in the middle of a Venus Retrograde so it all makes sense, it all has purpose.
Venus is said to be connected to Goddess Inanna who is the Goddess of both love and war. She is known for Her descent into the underworld and when Venus goes retrograde it is symbolic to our own descent into our shadow and darkness.
Goddess Inanna is said to travel through seven gates in the underworld, at each one removing one piece of jewelry or clothing, symbolically shedding layers of herself, perhaps her ego. It is where she explored her dark side until she was stripped down to nothing, to naked, raw Truth. It’s like an initiation, each gate, each depth of darkness, harder, heavier. (this is the super duper coles notes version)
I feel in many ways this Venus retrograde is stripping me down, shedding parts of my darkness by making me move through it again and again, layer upon layer. I’m aware of my darkness sitting there, lurking within me and around me like ravens stalking my every move. It is swirling around me, sitting on the light standards, gawking at me letting me know it’s there. It is there! I can’t ignore it. It’s showing up in my pissy moods, my negative outlook, even judgmental thoughts. It’s hard to name, hard to own, but it’s there, its real so here I go owning it. We must look at our ugly parts, our mean, fearful, judgmental, jealous lathed parts. This is what Jung would call our shadow. We all have one, their is great purpose in our dark, in the wounds, in the pain. They are portals to Truth. So lets’ own them, and work with them, allow them to lead us to light, consciously, constructively, not destructively.
Yesterday, I decided to give my darkness some conscious attention, some time, some outlet to come out. I grabbed a large
sheet of paper (go ahead grab one yourself and try it out!! 🙂 ) and wrote out all my dark, heavy feelings, thoughts, words, judgments, negative, pity party words. I let myself go there, deep, in the muck. I rolled in it like a little piglet in the mud and allowed myself to honor the dark. I felt good, it allowed the tears to come. I was surprised to discover my way to the roots, to the Core of the matter, the true issue and pain. I wrote down ALL the things I have endured the last 5 years on this dark, mud pile and let me tell you it has been a lot. I named all the losses, all the pain, all the let downs and just let it be there in a pile on a sheet of paper on the floor.
“Holy shit that’s a lot!” I thought as I stared at the paper and let the tears come.
In some ways it allowed for some compassion and understanding of myself. I’ve gone through the ringer, I went through it all at one time. So I understand why I have buckets and buckets of grief, of sadness and rageful anger.
And I heard spirit whisper why I was moving through the darkness still, to fully clear and cleanse my soul palette for the fruitful labour and life ahead. It will be wonderous and they want me to clear the cob webs in preparation. It feels like an initiation, a shedding of all the armor, all the darkness that blocks the love and life force energy of the Divine trying to move in.
I remember going to a tarot card reader about five years ago who flipped “The Tower” card and said how everything in my life would collapse, would come to destruction, and that it did. My old life has vanished, dissolved, crumbled into dust and I have been surviving in the rubble. Now I am in process of prepping to rebuild. I have been playing with the stones, unsure how to place them, but now is time to decide what I want to rebuild.
So..on another sheet of paper (join me in this as well), I wrote down New Building and started to just feather out words of what I wanted, specific, clear, concise. I’ve seen the draft, the plans for building and now I am to get started, preparing my life to manifest and build this vision, this architectual soul plan of my life.
So for now, we can honor the darkness that is there, see it, nod to it, honor it’s existence. Give it release, give it conscious portals to move out of you, out of your cells, out of your body and out of your aura while you simultaneously begin rebirth,
and rebuilding.
We are in very healing and interesting times. Life is gonna move swiftly and we will be blown into rebirth suddenly, we move out of the ashes and into the new. So get ready, strap on your moon boots and ride the wave ahead….it’s magical! Swirl in the stardust.
Little tidbits that have been helping..
- Being creative everyday..i’m refurbishing old furniture.
- Gratitude lists everyday.
- Journaling, letting the darkness spew out if it needs and flip siding it with writing the lightest, brightest thoughts about my dilemma or struggle.
- A gentle yoga practise to ground me, every day.
- Music, I mean really, music is the grandest soul medicine of all!
And so it is my friends. Hang in there, hang tight…trust! Darkness is the portal to great light!
xo Crystal
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