It’s an Emotional Time – Write it Out :)

Lately, things have been tough on my end.  It’s been an intense New Year, filled with challenges, exhaustion and illness.  My son had pneumonia, my husband has been out of town working and I’ve been left to deal with the pockets of old trauma that keeps bubbling up from my past.

I have slept very little for the last six weeks due to my son’s (six months old) pneumonia.  I’ve had to “sleep” (I use this term loosely) sitting up with him laying on my chest, so he can breathe more easily.  His bouts of horrible coughing would occur anywhere between every half our to every two hours.  He is finally clearing it out.

I got pushed way past my physical, emotional, spiritual and mental limits and I did what I always do…  I did it anyways, I struggled, I didn’t ask for help when I should have and I landed in a hole of despair.  I’ve been addicted to struggle and pain a lot in my life, like it’s my norm.  Somehow it seems in my crooked thinking that it is noble, strong, and more badge worthy to struggle….badge worthy?!  What badges you ask….hell if I know ! LOL 🙂

Many of us are moving through some emotional intensity and struggle right now.  And what I’ve learned from my own is that we are being asked to do it differently, to heal in its grip, to let go…to lighten and free ourselves of the old stuck ways.

I put on what I think is my superhero cape and try and accomplish the impossible on my own…only to usually fall into an extreme exhaustion and despair and then resentment and a full blown pity party for not having help.  It’s my own fault, I don’t ask for it…I really struggle with this and I take the long, hard road that fills me with the most thorns.  Enduring pain became like a misguided map of strength for me.  It feeds into this wounded belief that I’m all alone, I only have myself to survive.  I’ve depended on it my whole life and yes at times it has helped but now it hinders my life.  It cracks open these awful, painful memories and emotions of abandonment and struggle from my past and I get frozen in the doom.  I leak tears and tears for days until I somehow snap out of it.  It’s time…I’m changing that old story!  I am not alone, I can count on people, I do have love and support from others.

To get out of this despair and exhaustion that leaves me weak at me knees, I’ve had to ask for help. I’ve had to pad my life up with support…getting a cleaner, exploring a mother’s helper or part-time nanny, getting babysitters, and that alone dries up the pools of doom.  I don’t feel so alone with support nets around me.

So let’s take a little emotional road on the page…yes?



-So what old belief systems are your emotions cracking open?  What is your current struggle?  What emotions are surfacing…why and when?

-What old archetypes/masks/personas have you used to survive that no longer serve a great purpose?  What patterns of thinking and behaving come from these personas?  What emotions are they masking?  For me it was superwoman/perfectionist and victim…they mask my fear for vulnerability….of needing help….like it will somehow make me unlovable and alone.  It comes from my past marriage when I was in a post-partum depression and I was ultimately abandoned and betrayed in my most vulnerable state.  The emotions of that time linger in my body…the devastation…the grief….they have been summoned out right now.  And it’s ok…it’s intense but it’s ok.  I am loved now…I am with a good man.  I am struggling yes but he holds and supports me in that.

Where, how, and when can you access love and support?

Are there images that give you hope and strength…as well as a sense of love and support?  See them…imagine them and send them into your body.  Feel them circulating in your body and feel all the strength, love , support and hope fill your cells and ignite and release the joy already inside of you.  

For me I see sunshine and rainbows, a tribe of women around me, ceremonial fires and circles….igniting alive what all fell asleep or burned out within me.  My heart expands, settles and softens in the presence and felt sense of these images.


And so it is friends 🙂






Mid-Week Soul Check-In.

nourishmentHi friends,

With the full moon around the corner I thought I’d check in with my deepest Self and invite you do join me. I’ve been feeling a bit agitated, restless, just not at peace.  As I move into it I’ve been called into stillness, reflection and meditation even though a part of me wants to run around and keep busy away from what is there.

I pulled a card for today and got the Armadillo card from Jamie Sams, Medicine Cards deck.  Here’s a blurb that really spoke to me…

“A clue to how to proceed is to make a circle on a piece of paper and see it as a medicine shield.  In the body of the shield, write all that you are desiring to have, do, or experience. Include all things that give you joy.  This sets up boundaries that allow only these chosen experiences to be part of your life.  These boundaries become your shield that wards off the things which are undesirable to you.  The shield reflects what you are and what your will is to others on an unconscious level.”  (Pg 149 Medicine Cards book).

Armadillo teaches us about boundaries, not just physical boundaries, but boundaries of the Self.  Do we create time, space and boundaries for our own fulfillment and connection?  This is usually the first thing we toss when we get busy or down, but it is the most important.  It feeds all of our other connections, our energy wells, and all of our relationships and experiences of life around us.

As you complete your medicine shield on paper, pin it up somewhere where you can see it regularly.  Decorate it with images or collage your shield.

For me I’ve got to commit more to creating the joy, to FOCUSING on making joy and magic out of what is.  It’s hard sometimes in the winter, the longgggg, cold winter to get going but these little self-reflection pauses and explorations help us remember.   Mine is really focused around connection, deep meaning full connections, coffee dates, chatting, gatherings, creative fun times with family and friends, creating full moon circles once again, not just online but in person.


Ask yourself and journal….

  1.  Am I honoring the time I need for my personal joy, fulfillment and connection?
  2. How am I doing this or why am I not?
  3. How can you start each week carving out and planning sacred times of joy for yourself?  What do you want to do? Fun wise? Soul wise? Connection wise?  Creativity wise and how and where and when can you do it?


And so it is friends.

I hope you use the medicine of our friend Armadillo (this includes me) and create some boundaries, times, focus and commitment to you and the joy you want in your life.


Happy Wednesday/ Hump Day.



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smiles and hoots 🙂






A Full Moon & Your Own Soul Devotion

releasing moonWow, it’s the full moon already.  And it’s a gorgeous, bright, super moon, meaning the moon is closest to the Earth and appears bigger.  We feel things more intensely.  It’s a bigger impact on us in the most fabulous of ways.

This full moon calls us to get focused, find clarity and take action.  This moon falls in the sign of Taurus, an earthy sign.  And it asks us to tend to the physical.  Get scheduled, make lists, eat well, rest, exercise.  Take extra care of our bodies.

As I sat and felt the energies of Grandmother Moon, I was asked “What experiences of felt senses do you want in your life?” Hmmm…what do I want to feel?  What am I looking to experience?  For me, I want connection, inspiration and joy.  Now my task is to define how I shall accomplish this.  How can I seek connection with others?  How can I find inspiration?  What offers me joy?

The key here this month alongside clarity, focus and action is devotion.  Are we devoted to the feelings and experiences we seek?  Are we devoted to find them?  Or are we more devoted to other things?  Or are we simply distracted and not devoted.  This is my intent this moon, to live with devotion to myself and my soul path and for me that is making some changes.  It is being more committed, more disciplined in devoting my awareness, my thoughts, my actions, my feelings to my soul and my deep spiritual longings.  It is jotting ideas down and beginning to take steps to do the ideas…now!

It is committing to discovering where and how I can find connection with others, others who seek deep, soulful nourishment just like me.  It is walking around in my life with my heart wide open, cracked into the awe of the universe.  It’s intense for me to feel so deeply, so often.  I’m still learning to balance that.  Sometimes in yoga, just by sitting in my vulnerability, in my cracked wide open realness, heart chakra just there and un-protected I feel anxiety.  I am devoting my energy this month to explore this, to sit with it more,to get curious about this old pattern.

I pulled a tarot card for the Full Moon and the card “Stand Your Ground” emerged from the Psychic Tarot deck by John Holland. “…Be brave and true to your core life values and belief system, which are your best allies and will help you move forward.  It’s important to remain clear and focused, for you may have to stand alone and defend your convictions at the end. Maintain your health and stay strong so that you have an ample supply of energy to endure anything, as this could be a long and arduous yet, ultimately, hard-won victory.

A perfect card for a Taurus Full Moon.  For me I’m doing a bit of a cleanse, no alcohol for at least 30 days.  I want to stay clear and focused, refreshed,  That means no glass of wine here and there to soothe the anxiety, agitation or emotional tugs coming forth from my own guidance system.  It’s intense, at times I simply want to shut it off but instead I must distract another way or sit with it, feel it, simply let it be there talking to me, guiding me.  This will allow me to move forward with clarity.  I have been a bit strapped and tethered to inertia, in stuckness, I must shake up the routine to get out.  I must practise devotion, devotion to myself and my health, like it were it’s own spiritual practice.  I am choosing a devotion practise of no alcohol, every day yoga, reading, meditating.  I am devoting to my art and creations, both furniture re-purposing and writing.

Don’t get me wrong, I want to flee…often. I want to have a glass of wine and unplug, shut off, disconnect…take a break.  But I am devoting and committing to my center, to my goal of health, to my art as though it were a Divine practise, an act of power.  It’s tough shit!! lol but very healing, deepening and interesting.

Full Moon Writing Ritual – Devotion.

Set up a special space, incense, candles, maybe some music.  Get out your journals and pens. And here we go…

So ask yourself…”What experiences or felt experiences do you want in your life?  Just write and see what comes. How do I get these? With who? Where? When? How?

The word Devotion has been on my mind lately.  What does devotion mean to you? Where are you devoted in your life and how?  What if you had devotion to your soul?  What would that look like?  Put your timers on for 6 minutes and just free flow write. Do not lift your pen off the page as you answer each question.  Particularly, what would it look like it you had devotion to your own soul?

And so it is friends 🙂   Happy, healthy Full Moooooonnnn!!

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Photo: Full Moon Ritual by Patricia Telesco, ©1999


Embrace the Full Moon Energies with these Gentle Rituals.

“A full moon in Virgo calls for a quiet night in, organizing one’s underwear drawer while simultaneously sorting through deep thoughts about life, love and the pursuit of happiness. A full moon in Virgo (especially one that is within 2 degrees of Lilith moonas this one is) simply begs us to wrestle with god and the myriad of philosophies we make up about Her.” (http://www.chaninicholas.com/full-moon-virgo-venus-meets-uranuspluto-square/#sthash.41wfMyN2.dpuf

This is the last full moon in winter for those of us in the northern hemisphere.  If you’ve been working with the moon energies, we feel like things are getting clearer, more focused.  We are zoning in on the goal at hand, we see it, we can taste, we can even feel it.  It is beyond the dream stage, it is in pursuit of fruition. It is trying to be born.  Labour pains have begun. And we have had to go through the muck, the sticky, gooey muck trying to hold us back or keep us stuck.  Take a bow, for you and I have drudged on…and we can see the light.  We are beginning to poke a hole in the soil where we will soon emerge out and blossom.

I pulled two tarot cards for this Full Moon and wouldn’t you know it they are polar opposites that work together.  The first was the Crown Chakra card.  The place that signifies our connection to the cosmos, spirit, the Universe at large.  It is the place that dreams and visions enter our aura.  It’s the vessel to the dream world… the spirit world.  We have been working on seeing them, bringing them in, and holding them in our cavernous souls this winter.  It’s like we’ve been sitting with our dreams at the fire, keeping warm, getting to know them in and out.

The second card was called Firm Foundation, a physical realm or Earth card.  It speaks to building that solid foundation, security, solidarity.  It’s like planning how to manifest the dream. How do we do this?  What is the first step?  How can I make that a true and lasting reality?  How can I build it on solid ground?

We are being ping ponged in the energy between the two cards.  We are bringing the dream or vision down in the physical and beginning the process of manifesting them.  It’s a whirlwind of energy.  It’s like running through the forest, at times luscious, sweet, invigorating as we take in the woodsy pine smell.  And at other times we are knee high in the muck, crawling on a trail of rocks wondering if we are going to make it back home to safety and security.  What a roller coaster of ups and downs.

Be gentle with ourselves this full moon.  We are working things through.  Allow for flexibility, change and roads to open up. Be patient and trusting.  Review what things have worked in the past and what didn’t.  Learn from your past mistakes and successes.  It’s like we are in the middle of the trek.  Actually the book Wild is coming to mind by Cheryl Strayed.  We are in the middle of the trail, going through some major successes and facing our wild fears.  Know that you will get through, you will find a way, like a flower that desires to bloom, it will fight through the soil to move from seed to an expression of colorful beauty.  You will fight your way, you will make it.  I will make it.  New things are on the horizon and we are finally facing the fears that kept us back from our dreams.  It’s a sword fight but you are strong and you will win.  You simply must accept the challenge and conquer what has always held you back for at the end of the trail is a brand new life.  A brand new birth.  A brand new way of being.  (In a couple weeks we have a New Moon and Solar eclipse.  Lots is occurring this month.)

So trek on, keeping moving forward, onward, even if you have to loop around the same spot a couple of times.  You will manifest.


winter spring2

Sometimes I feel a lot of energy to move on full moons but this one feels like there are things to do but calmly.  Nothing too wild for me.  I will cleanse the energy in my home and take a trek in the woods.   Perhaps my hubby, son and I shall have a small fire in the snow on this last wintery full moon and simply take in the energy, the swirling, mixing, manifesting energies that are at hand.  New things are on the horizon, so enjoy the road there.  Take in the smells, reflect on how far you’ve come over the winter and all things you’ve released so you could prepare for the new ahead.  Take a stroll and stand in the bright light of grandmother moon and let her beams fill you. Soak it in with some luscious woodsy tea and drink it all in.

So here a couple simple ideas to work with this moon.

1) Do some cleaning and organizing.  Virgo energies love this.  Organization, organization, organization.  It’s logical and linear.

2) Put on some gentle music and cleanse the energy of your home.  Even open the windows a bit a let the final breezes of winter sway through your home.  Use sage or cedar and sweep the old energy out.

3) Take an evening stroll, if you can in the woods and just allow the moon beams to hit you.  Soak it in.  Feel the energies, like you are in the middle place between the storm and the sun, between the old and new, death and rebirth. The great dreaming bear is waking up in the cave, winter is coming to an end, spring is on it’s way.  It’s exiting, raw and riveting.  How will the new dream be fed?  Feel the energies. Make a gratitude list or say it out loud as you stroll.

4)  Have a cup of tea, light a candle and so some journalling.  Reflect on the winter.  What dreams have traveled towards you?  What visions did you get to know?  See them.  Talk to them on paper, how do they want to move out?  What are the steps?  Make a small plan of action.  Jot down some ideas to really begin to move them forth.


Happy Full Moon!!!

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