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Healing and Balancing Ritual for Fall Equinox.

Happy Fall Equinox and Full moon. It’s a dandy isn’t it??

The energies are shifting after a busy, active, action based summer and our feminine souls are craving soul food, we are ravenous for soul nourishment. I personally am at a place of starvation in the soul department… hungry for a shift into softness, gentleness and ease.

Our feminine natures are howling at us to return to the darkness and caves of our inner selves. Our Wild feminine souls are waiting for us at the inner fire of sacred stillness, silence and retreat. Magic dust is in the fire waiting for us to simply sit and inhale the wonder and depths of the inner soils of oneself.

I have been so busy and active that I have lost my balance. I feel stressed, anxious and overwhelmed. And yet The Equinox calls for balance between light and dark… day and night, the physical and the spiritual.

I need more soul time, more stillness, more space for deep inner reflection and soulful contemplation.

The reality is I need to create space and sacred moments in my day for this to occur. Even if it’s ten minutes or two, the point is nourishment.

It is a time of making an offering to our souls by doing what nurtures the Inner Self. This is a Sacred Act, a Sacred offering to the Divine within ourselves.

So on this lovely Equinox begin the soul offering with some sacred time and space. Light some candles and listen to a mediation, journal, contemplate, converse with your soul and at the sacred fire within. Begin to nurture the inner self with some sort of ritual that is nurturing to thy self. Perhaps it’s a bath or a cool brisk walk in the fall foliage.

Take some deep breaths and find yourself at a fire in a dark cave with your feminine wild soul right beside you. Notice what she looks like and how hungry she appears. Offer her some food and sustenance. Giver her some water, wrap her in a blanket and tend to that inner self. Simply offer your presence and see if you can gently shape shift into her, become that inner self. Feel the aliveness and energy. Ask yourself what you need for nourishment and aliveness? Perhaps you will notice that you are doing an action or an image appears in the fire or perhaps there is simply an inner knowing. When you feel ready shift back in that outer consciousness beside your soul. Lay down a red blanket and some rocks at the fire where you sat as a sacred offering. Let your soul know you shall return with an embrace. Before you go you give her a gift, an offering, what do you notice it is. Feel how full it makes her feel. Say your goodbyes and leave the cave back into the present time.

Journal your findings if you wish. Feel the feeling of fullness spread and expand in your body, all the way into you fingertips and heart.

Have a cup of tea, light some candles and enjoy the rest of this sacred night .

Aho! And so it is 🙂

I’m doing online video chat healing/ intuitive sessions if you are interested. Feel free to email me at crystalchagnon22@gmail.com to book a session if you’d like, I’d love to work with you .😊❤️

As always is be so grateful if you Followed My Blog if you so feel called .

Blessings and warmth friends.

Happy Equinox

😘

Crystal

Artwork by: Lilla Marton

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Another Simple Dark Moon Ritual

Tonight marks the Dark Moon, well the last of it anyways as we start a New Moon cycle in a couple of days.  This past month has been an emotional one, at times heavy and dark, and other times inspired and refreshing. It felt like we were navigating through dark tunnels trusting that at the end there would be light. However at times we’d grow tired of the dark or worry we wouldn’t find the end where the light was shining. And yet here we are arriving at the light, the end of the tunnel within steps.

This month I did a lot of cleaning, pondering, changing of the guard in my internal process. I had to teeter totter on lots of unknowns and usually I’d panic and assume or expect the worst. But this time, this month I changed my ways and told myself to expect the best, to envision everything working out. I felt calmer and more steady in the process and that has been a huge gift in and of itself. I followed my body’s lead and boundaries knowing it could mean everything I was building could collapse. It meant risking the outside creations that were coming my way and usually I’d just form into what was expected. But I can’t do that anymore and so I simply went inward and got to know my limits and set the boundaries to honour them and to trust this was the Divine way and path. I am risking a job doing this but it is my wellness on the line and it is me voicing what I can and can’t do for the first time ever. Id usually exist past my limits in my old life and keep going until collapse or illness. My struggle with my health and blood is really about me voicing and honouring my body and my limits and living in accordance with them, that is what I have learned. The superwoman cape is laid to rest. The real authentic version is on display.

This month too I cleaned out cabinets, files, and just crap that I had to let go. I rearranged furniture and smudged the bejesus out of my house, calling in new energy and clearing out the old mucky waters of fear or doubt.

So as we prepare for a new moon cycle let us lay to rest the old ways, the old patterns, the old negativity, the doubt, the fear, the doom… even the stuckness! Say goodbye.

DARK MOON SIMPLE RITUAL

So tonight we honor the old, we lay it to rest.  We take some moments alone, in silence, in retreat, in reflection and we hold the past, the loss, the end of era in our hands.  Maybe it’s an ending of a relationship or job, doubt, dead, uncertainty or whatever, we simply lay it to rest.  If you can grab a stone and write on it that which you wish to bury, to honor it’s death and ending.  Bury the stone into the Earth Mother under the dark moon sky and say your last and final good-byes.

Maybe you want to write a good-bye letter or simply say some words in your mind or out loud.

This clearing, this ending is prepping us for the new life, new energy that lies ahead.

For me it’s my old life.  It’s never coming back and I can come to accept that so the new one I’ve been trying on can fully blossom.  I don’t have to reach backwards anymore, clinging onto something that I can’t find.

Let’s clear the waters for the New Moon tomorrow.

And so it is 🙂

If you feel called to do so, feel free to Follow the Blog.  I’d be honored. 🙂  Thanks in bunches.

Artwork created by Mickie Mueller.

Fantasy and Fairy Art of Myth and Legend
http://www.mickiemuellerart.com

https://www.etsy.com/listing/102066506/waning-moon-woman-crone-open-edition

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June full moon Energy & Soul Connecting Rituals.

This full moon the energy feels alive, electric, vibrational and active. It feels like a very masculine energy, a time when we are extremely busy… the pulse, the beat, the tempo is very fast paced and quick. There’s a lot of energy output going on as we work on manifestation, creating, doing and growing during this time and season.

And yet the words “feminine root” ( from the book Wild Feminine) is circling my busy aura, as though the energy is calling for my attention like a screaming bird in the sky.

I know I need to balance the busy masculine energy with tender, juicy, slower paced , alive, wild feminine connection. It’s tenderness and savouring of the radiant colours and experiences of summer life. My schedule feels so busy yet the need to pause and find stillness even for ten minutes feels necessary as though I need it to keep breathing.

This moon and Mars retrograde asks us to evaluate our schedules and energies. Are we balancing the feminine and masculine or at least honouring both aspects of our souls even though we may be lingering in the masculine elements at this energetic time. Are we still paying homage to the feminine ?

We need to root into our feminine natures when they are calling us home. It’s in this root that we are refuelled and filled with life force energy. It’s where our aliveness is tasted and swallowed so our connection to our own feminine wild soul is felt and experienced. It’s a place of conversing with Spirit, our guides, our ancestors and even the moon and stars so the magic and purpose of life is restored and refocused. It’s a slight, calm magical pulse of aliveness. A beautiful calm and alive contradiction.

So on this full moon the Grandmothers ask us to harness our energies that are grand and wide like a roaring fire and find the calm centre epicentre of the burning. Be the wood logs, be the air in the fire, or the blue in the flames and find the calm in the busy, dancing roar.

Read a book, journal, sit by a fire, do a feminine yoga like Yin or Restorative yoga and balance the energies. Take a Sacred pause. Stillness and contemplation are being called of us right now in brief moments amid the flaming busy energy of our lives.

Here are some journal questions for self reflection and connection during this lovely full moon. Sit by fire or light a candle. Brew some tea or summer juice and light an incense or two. Breath in the radiant full moon aliveness. Inhale the moon beams and let its magic and sparkle radiate in your cells.

1). What are you most happy and grateful for in your life right now.

2) put in a timer for five minutes and don’t lift your pen until the timer goes off. Just write what comes…. “I would love…”.

3) Imagine Grandmother Moon to become some sort of being… a person, animal, plant or element and invite her sit with you by the moon lit waters edge in your minds eye. Notice the gentle warm breeze and the burning fire. Lay a blanket for her and ask her a question, challenge or struggle you’d like guidance on. Give her an offering such as food or a gift like a necklace or bracelet. Perhaps it’s a stone. What does grandmother moon look like in form ? Just sit with this lovely energy and let her presence calm you. Let her answer you and give you guidance to your question. When you receive her words tell her thank you and ask if you can meet again. Imagine her returning to the moon on a moon beam when you are done and gently return to the present. Journal about your experiences.

Happy full moon friends xo Crystal

As always if love it if you FOLLOWED MY BLOG or the Women’s Tribe Facebook Page ❤️🎉

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June New Moon Energy and Ritual

Chaos to calm, getting centered, finding clarity through confusion, learning, process, messages from the struggle, finding one’s way to calm and peace through the storm.

These are words that come to mind right now. It feels like a volcanic time with lots of emotional eruptions and loss of self or loss of centering. It’s a time of chaos and overwhelm to make us root back down into our selves. It’s a time of cleansing and purification, a deep learning about oneself through challenges and struggles.

I feel held and weighed down by overwhelm and I’ve let it consume me. The amount of energy coming at me has enveloped me and I’ve lost my way, I’ve lost my centre, my calm, my rooted stance. So I step back and take up more space than the chaos. I create even more space between me and the chaos and stand calmly at the centre of the storm as it swirls around me like wretched grey storm clouds spiralling in the winds. I don’t get pulled in, I just witness and stay calm, trusting that I will not get pulled in as I stand firmly in my strength and power. (Or at least remind myself over and over to go to the centre and find the calm).

I have been a ball of anxiety lately and as I sat with my anxiety I let it it become a being or a symbol. I let it speak to me as though it were it’s own energetic being. It showed up as a punk angry teenager with slicked, greasy hair, ripped jeans and a leather jacket… and it/he let me have it. It told me how angry he was and how I need to call my power and strength back rather than let it leak all over the place and move into chaos and overwhelm. It asked for structure and organization, a map for my energy. As I let its’ needs spew onto the page the heaviness lessened. I imagined walking into the overwhelm as my strongest self and allowed myself to envision an image of my inner warrior Queen. I’m wearing red, flowing clothes (for grounding I imagine ) and have diamond jewelled bindis between and above my eye browns. I’m tall and fierce and wear a head wrap around my hair. My stance is linear and majestic. I imagine being this Self with my eyes closed and allow that energy to spread and expand into my body, feeling the energy of my inner warrior Queen ooze into my blood vessels and pump throughout my body. I savour the breaths of this energy.

I stand and breathe in this place and invite you to do the same. Invite your struggles to speak to you. Close your eyes and imagine your challenge were a being. What does it look like? Old or young? Male, female, animal or nature? What colours or unique qualities do you notice. Let it tell you what it is trying to say through your body… perhaps you just want to write for five minutes (timed) and free flow without letting your pen leave the page. Hear your struggle and assure it you will do your part to ease the symptoms .

Call in a feeling of harmony, love, peace, calm, strength or whatever you need and imagine it to be a golden ball of light spreading and expanding through your body. Savour the breaths and breathe it in.

“This current challenge or struggle is here to strengthen you. It is a process of strengthening and learning of heart, body and soul. You are preparing for your “real work ” . This is simply the preparation, so embrace the learning.” ( a message from my guides).

Happy New Moon 😘

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April Full Moon .. change is in the air !

Hello friends!

It has been a long while since I’ve written my words anywhere. I have not put pen to paper in a long time and I’ not fully sure why. To be honest, I’ve been uninspired, in a lull, in a lost, disconnected soulful way. My soul has needed resuscitation…an electric shock into life again.

I’m craving Spirit… it’s something that was at the very epicentre of my being and my everyday life. But life herself pulled me off course and into the land of the lost so I’d get so restless and stuck that I’d be willing forced to move, change and reevaluate everything. And I have.

I’ve been craving change in many parts of my life and I feel like this year has change as it’s main theme. Change is occurring at our roots, in our bones and at our foundation. This is huge! When you make change here you make change everywhere.

But mostly what I’m craving and needing and wanting ohhhh so bad again is connection…connection to myself , to others and to the Divine.

I knew drastic new roads were imperative to shake my life up and whip up the inspiration and break me free from the stuckness.

It’s scary to walk a new road… I feel uncertain of myself and wonder if I can do it. Doubt and fear set in, part of the growing pains but ones we must work beyond and through.

I’m so used to being defined by an illness but I don’t want that for myself . As I walk the new road I feel unsure of my footing… I wonder if I’ll be ok or if the illness will come in and turn my life upside down once again. But that illness and I have come to a truce … I don’t need it to come and take over my life for I can have a voice and express my needs and set my boundaries and really take responsibility for myself and shoulder only what I can, not what I think I should. It’s on me to take care of me… and that’s fucking scary in a way. I’m fully responsible for my health and well-being…period. I really need to speak up when I’m tired or can’t do something or simply don’t want to. No pushing or forcing myself only loving my body and heart for what it really needs.

So as I walk down this new path fear takes ahold of me and I go to the worse possible outcome … more illness.. more time in hospitals, failure, doubt, and uncertainty. I don’t want to go down this rabbit hole.

So, instead I’m taking a moment to stop and take some breaths and to trust this is part of the road of feeding my soul back into aliveness. What if this trail works out great .. in fact in the best possible way? What would be the outcome ? What could I expect instead with a mindset of confidence, trait and faith ?

I bet I’d feel alive again, increase my sense of confidence , feel like myself , connect with others , connect to myself.

What if this road ignites my aliveness so much that I find my soul bursting with colourful shawls and rainbow energy beams so much that I create the connections I crave a need and so deeply want.

What if I found spiritually in my everyday life again simply by feeling alive and not like I was dying. What is I created space and circles where other like minded women joined me to discover their own depths and aliveness. Yes! Yes! What if this all just works out like Divine poem unfolding each word at a time.

Spirit always shows up for me when I ask and trust and just like that I had message from Creation calming me and my nerves. I wasn’t even quite sure what it was but when you call Spirit .. . Creation comes a running. I happen to see an article with this particular bird. I hadn’t even heard of it but it is what the exact bird was visiting my property swooping down in the creek.

It was an Osprey… and osprey’s message for us is upon this Aries full moons and change in our lives.

I invite you to ride the waves of change and allow the discomfort or expansion pains to exist but keep fiercely moving forward.

“Osprey – The Beacon

Keywords:

The Beacon. King of Coasts and Cliffs. Water and Wind. Yin and Yang. The Sun. Solar Worship. Plundering Resources. Overcoming ‘Grass is Greener’ Syndrome. Respecting Others. Honing the Senses. Precise Timing. Streamlining. Environmental Awareness. Comfort Zones.

Lessons:

– The osprey is connected to all aspects of solar worship. And can come into one’s life to emphasise the value and healing properties of the sun, and to help those who practice mystically or spiritually to facilitate sun-god communion.

– An osprey doesn’t wait for the fish to jump out of the water to meet him, instead he splashes in headfirst into an element that he could not survive within. He even places his head under the water – unlike sea-eagles. He teaches us how to plunder our resources and the necessity to move outside of our comfort zones in order to do this. Osprey teaches us to take risks, and to not be frightened of grasping opportunities just because they seem like they’re out of our reach.

– An appearance of osprey in your life can indicate an appearance of the spirit in the form of the Beacon, coming to guide you back to a place of safety or security, or to a feeling of groundedness.

– In terms of working on an energy or elemental level, osprey energy can be called upon when working with the elements of water and wind.

– Osprey tells us that what is right in front of us, is enough, and that we must overcome ‘grass is greener’ syndrome and constantly wonder ‘what if?’ about how much better things are on the other side of our horizons.

Ospreys come into our life to teach us how to hone our senses, on both a physical and spiritual level. We might have become lazy with meditation, or with a physical endeavour we used to enjoy. We might have let our brains, bodies and spirits become sluggish. Osprey claws us back into shape, so that we learn that we nourish ourselves when we’re honed. ”

http://www.wildspeak.com/animalenergies/osprey.html

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An Energy Practise & Ritual for the December Full Moon.

Happy full moon friends. The energy may feel intense as we have a super moon meaning the moon will be bigger and brighter in the sky as it’s closer to the earth. It’s also when mercury goes retrograde. So lots of energy swirls and swoons moving us all around.

This full moon feels like a time of reflection and reconsiderations. It’s a time of laying out all the cards in our life and evaluating them. Take a look what do you see? For many of us we have tried to force or figure things out of how they are going to be but the Universe has instead thrown us some curve balls and removed the paths we thought we might take. It’s easy to feel defeated or uncertain but the Universe is asking us to trust that something greater is in the works. Something greater is in the matrix of manifestation if we can keep our energies open and trusting.

This is what retrogrades are all about… time to reflect and re-evaluate. It’s also a time to explore our need for renewal and refresh our energies. Just take a step back and observe while allowing the energies to tweak and peak as they need.

It’s tough to be patient and persevere but that is what this full moon is asking of us. We may need to take a new path and let something go even though this feels fearful and uncertain. It’s like we have a choice to go back to the old familiar way or risk to trust that there is a new form, a new way, a new balance emerging even though we can’t quite see the edges of it yet. It’s there …we can feel it… just dream it, sense it and call it in. Let it tickle your nose and call you into its energy.

Full Moon Energy Practise.

All we need to do this month is sit and breathe. It’s a time of practising trust and patience and envisioning ourselves feeling great and happy. Expect the best! Expect and believe that it will all work out . Make it an inner knowing… a softness inside. Feel the energy of it working out. Close your eyes and see yourself feeling your best. Feel it in your body where do you feel that ? What do you feel? Just sit in this energy throughout the month and allow the universal energies to untangle what is into what it is meant and needs to be. Take care of yourself this month. Spend time reflecting, breathing, listening. Get a massage or two, light some candles, make a fire, have some hot cocoa or tea. Let the Universe and Creation that lives all around you swaddle you like a warm fuzzy blanket and feel caressed and soothed while the energies work themselves out for your very best to emerge.

And so it is friends.

As always if you feel called, feel free to FOLLOW THE BLOG or the Women’s tribe Facebook page for Moon rituals and soul connecting activities. 😘

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Change the Energy Rituals for the November New Moon.

Happy New Moon in the sign of Scorpio. This moon is about death, rebirth and transformation and man oh man is the Universe calling us to shake things up. For many of us we have been waiting for new roads and paths to open (and they will) but as the transition time carries on we may be falling into old thoughts and beliefs.

“This is never going to work out”, “things are never going to change”.

Here’s my virtual hand smack your hand saying stop that! 😁

Ok… Let’s stop that old game . New mantras and new visions are needed. Write down what you want and close your eyes and really see yourself doing it. Feel what it feels like to be doing it. Where do you feel it? What are you feeling ??

Some of us hit pockets of despair or depression or plain old “I can’t do this one more day” knowing. Good! That’s the shit that makes us move and change and transform us from the stuckness. It’s what helps us get the wheel out of the rut .

So on this New Moon let’s really focus on changing up the energy . Here are a few (or more ) ideas to help sweep out old energy or transform it.

1) Burn sage in all corners of your house . Or if you don’t have … open the windows and imagine doing a golden light wash all over your home swooping the entire area!

2) Change your furniture around or put your Christmas tree (if you use one ) in a new spot this year.

3) Purge the old. Clean the closets out, the junk drawer, the fridge. Get the old out so the new energies can come in.

4) Try something brand new…a new food… a new restaurant … a new class… a new route to work. Shake up the old way.

5) Invite the Sacred and Holy into your everyday . Make mundane tasks like acts of prayer. Light some candles while you do dishes or while you eat. Light some incents and dim the lights. Make the feel of your home cozy. Put on your diffusers with your oils. Put up your Christmas or holiday lights and enjoy the sparkle and colours. Feel the sacred in the everyday.

6). Change up your routine. Do something fun on random Tuesday nights. For for tacos or wings or a concert or coffee and dessert . Just do something different.

I wish you all fun and joy as we shake up the old energy so it can transform gloriously into the new we have been waiting for .

And so it is my friends. As always if be honoured if you feel called to FOLLOW the BLOG for Moon rituals and self connection activities.

With warmth and fun excitement in moving energy.

Xo

Crystal

Photo: https://media.licdn.com/mpr/mpr/shrinknp_400_400/AAEAAQAAAAAAAAH6AAAAJGRlMTdjMTcyLTE3YjUtNDBmYy1hMTUyLTgzNTE1NDg5OGQ4Nw.jpg

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A Wind-Song Ritual for the Equinox

Happy Fall Equinox(or Spring depending on where you live) my friends.  This is the day when light and dark are equal.  A balance of yin and yang on the Earth one might say.  I love the fall, the changing color of the leaves, the crisper feel of the air, and the call to begin the draw inward with some cozy candles and pumpkin spice smells.  It’s a time of sweaters and boots, scarves and leggings.  I don’t know about you but I really enjoy each change of season and the changing of energies that come with them.  In Canada we feel the change of each four seasons and I absolutely love that.

So on this Fall Equinox the energy calls for a cleansing, a purifying of the air and a bringing in of the new life and energy.  We are all going through major changes at this time so I hope you find this fitting as well.

A WIND-SONG RITUAL
Open up many windows in your home and invite in the beautiful, crisp and luscious autumn air. Allow the breeze to sing a lovely transition song through your home as she cleanses the energy and brings in new light and life force during this equinox.  Call in the Great Spirit and Great Mother, angels, fairies, spirit animals, guides and ancestors or whomever you feel connected to to help you in your ritual.  Feel the spirit of transition, manifestation and harvest in your home.  Feel how abundant you are in love and shelter. Feel the simultaneous warm and cool breeze as she caresses your cheek. Close your eyes and hear the wind sing to you. What does she say?
If you have, dab a bit of tea tree oil or sage oil onto your screens as a means to cleanse the air or light incense and allow the breeze to move the cleansing smoke throughout your home.

Enjoy your new and shifted energy.

And so it is my friends.

If you called, I’d love it if you FOLLOWED THE BLOG OR The Women’s Tribe Facebook Page for more more rituals and soul work.

Enjoy! xo

Crystal

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July New Moon Energy Forecast & Meditation

Y’all enjoying the new moon energy ??  This moon cycle feels like change is ahead.. a change in pattern.  There is a clearing… a letting go… a calling back of our power and a release of the behaviours that don’t serve our highest good. There’s also releases of relationships and changes to the way we act and feel and need within them.   We start to express ourselves more and really focus on ourselves.  We become centre stage of our lives and this is pivotal on our soul path. 

I found myself cleaning out closets today and organizing them, giving away clothes and returning plastic bags for recycling.  There’s a cleaning up going on.  We are creating more space for our Self to emerge in our lives.  There’s also a lot of inner shifting going on.   We feel done participating in lower energentic ways and patterns… enough is enough.  We will not stay in places and connections that no longer feed us or we will stand our ground and express the need for new patterns and forms to take shape and grow in the places we already embody and exist within. 

It’s an interesting point, its like we are in a pocket of clarity and divine focus.  We want our deepest selves in our lives… we are being called back and out of those distractions and roles and patterns that keep us separated from our own inner jewel.

This can cause turbulence during this moon cycle as we change and change our participation in some relationships or roles.  There may me push back or clawing at our feet to pull us back down to lower energy planes.  

Trust .  Participate.  Step forward one step at a time.

New moon practise to carry throughout the entire moon cycle 🙂

A meditation for this months moon cycle.  Close your eyes… take in three to four deep breaths and exhale just as deeply.  Imagine it’s night time and you are sitting at a large fire.  It’s just dark sky and a giant fire in front of you.  An elder Native woman is there with you…she is there to guide and support you.  Imagine calling back all your power as though a bunch of luminous stars start floating back towards you and within you.  Feel how full and peaceful and confident it feels to hold all your own power.  You are strong and full of clarity!! Really let this feeling expand throughout your whole body !!  Let it expand into every cell of your being.  Feel your aura glow and expand.   Sit there and enjoy until you are ready to shift your attention back to your present space.
Happy New Moon!!

Xo

Crystal 

As always if you feel called I’d love it if you FOLLOWED MY BLOG 😘

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A Healing Ritual For the April Full Moon

moon lodgeHappy Full Moon Women’s Tribe 🙂  Here we are all the full moon and in the bingo bango bongo of four retrograde planets!  Eekers. It is a time evaluation, of reflection, of looking back at what needs to be healed in the past so we can carry forward with more ease and gentleness in the now and in our futures.  That is the gift of retrogrades.   It’s not always easy as our old stuff emerges and comes to the for front but heck, let’s let it.  Allow it.  Make room for it at the kitchen table as though it were your long lost aunt.  We must honor its’ existence and take a look.  Feel it.  Set it on its’ way…out of body, out of our bones, released from our tissue.

For me, I’ve been lingering in trauma memories.  I thought I had done my healing around this but life and emotional breakdowns, says the healing is not done.When I had my first baby my first husband just didn’t deal with the transition into fatherhood well and basically bailed.  He did it in a manner that was hurtful, in a way he knew best…to cheat and chose another woman.  My highest conscious Self knows that he wasn’t conscious or aware enough to talk and tell me that he was struggling or lost or unsure if he could handle being both a husband and father simultaneously.  And so he left and chose her.  He didn’t know how to say that he could not be who I needed or was asking of him so he acted it out to express it to me.  I get that on a soul level, but it was still emotionally and mentally devastating and one of the most painful experiences of my life.  (As well as the best thing that could have happened in the long run).  I associate having a baby with pain and struggle and loss.

I ended up on my own with baby, in a new apartment (he got the house), lost my job (found another), he got our dogs as he was in the house and me in an apartment.  And there I was in the threshold of new motherhood trying to keep my head above water, wondering if I could support myself and baby, manage motherhood and a full-time job, etc..etc..  It was devastating, so much change all at one time.  It was shocking actually.  I felt really abandoned and alone.  Navigating custody battles when you were wronged and nobody gave a poop was crazy making.  I struggled most with the fact that I could not be with my baby all the time cause of the choice he made, I had to lose time with my son.  I had to share custody.  There was little to no consequence for him or his actions…he got to keep the house (he did have to buy me out), he had his regular job, and he got what he wanted…to be a part-time dad all by betraying our vows, lying, and being with another woman.  I on the other hand got my world shattered and was continually told in court that I had to keep the emotional stuff separate from the custody, like I was not supposed to have feelings for what I went through.   I was treated like the problem, not him.  CRAZY. MAKING!

Anywho…years have passed.  I’m happily remarried with a new baby who’s almost 9months old.  Well my husband has been working out of town for the last few months and I have been on my own with the kids for weeks at a time.  It has totally triggered all those memories.  The emotions, the forgotten dark times, the memories I blocked out…all coming back with a vengeance….to the point I cry and cry and cry.  I’ve done trauma therapy, emotional release work, journalling, creative expression, you name it…I’ve released so much and yet the memories of being on my own with a baby linger in my gut, in my blood, in my immune system.  There is more to be released.

This full moon is asking us to revisit past sore spots and evaluate how they impact the now.  What’s been coming up?  An old relationship?  An old patter of self-sabotage or job loss or endings, break-ups, loss in general?  Allow it my friends. Pull out the chair and have it sit down with you.

FULL MOON HEALING RITUALsacred body 2

Find a cozy space, light a candle and some incents.  Have a cup of tea or a glass of wine and grab and pen and paper.  We are going to write a letter to ourselves in the past that was struggling (And still has some to release).  We are going to offer this part of ourselves what she needs.

Allow what comes…..but here’s some points to remember to include.

-Honor and recognized and validate your younger self’s feelings and experiences.

-Ask that part of you what she needs.

-Allow her to answer.

-Imagine bringing this part of you to a time in your past where you experienced and received what she is needing.  So if you are needing to feel love or trust, remember a time when you did.  Who’s with you.  What are you doing?  What season is it?   What time of day?  What are you doing together?  What are the smells in the air.  What colors and temperature is it?  Breathe in the sensation of experiencing what she/you needs.  Where do you feel it?  See it as a ball of energy and let it spread throughout your body, allow the feeling to expand and really experience it sensationally for a few minutes.

Write about it…and bring her back now with the memories.

 

Here’s mine.

To my 28 year old self,

First off, I see you. I hear you. I honor you.  I know how much pain you endured and you still carry.  I see it, I feel it, I honor that it’s there.  I think you are so strong for making it, for carrying on, for doing what you need to do to survive and care for your son.  I’m so proud of you.

I know you are struggling, I see you, I feel you, I hear you with all the emotions that you are arising within me….what do you need my love?

I need to feel not so alone…not so abandonned, not so isolated like I have to everything myself.  I feel trapped and caged and scared.  It’s so heavy and painful to carry it all myself.  I can’t believe I have to do this myself.

As I reflect on when I have felt the most supported and loved and held is when I was in Lynn Andrews School.  My classmates were my sisterhood.  And so I bring her to one of our circles and fires where they all gave me healing and love.   They drummed and rattled and held me in loving energy like I never felt before.  I was one of them, and they were part of me.  They held me, they supported me, they were always there for me, even though we lived all over the world.  I let them offer to her what they offered me then.  I imagine her feeling the drum beat and the sound of the rattles….we are in a dark space with candles and fairy lights and the smell of sage burning lingers in the air.  I tell her to let the drum fill her body up with strength and support and to feel the love.  I tell her to look into the fire and hear it crackle and to see how a web of women in the spirit world also connected to her and holding her, the Sisterhood of the Shields, the Grandmothers, her guides, her power animals, her ancestors, the fairies…they are all surrounding her and with her at all times giving her strength and power.   They all have a hand on her shoulder, she is the farthest thing from alone. I ask her to imagine that strength and love and power is like gold dust being sent from everyone in the room and in the energy world to her.  I ask her to imagine it going in her and with each inhale in her body and with each second that passes she is being beamed with the light of strength and sisterhood.

I close my eyes and feel the sensations with her.  I feel the web of women weaving love around me and her supporting us and holding us.    Each drum beat strengthens us with inner power and confidence.   I tell her to see it filling her body, to feel the confidence and love and support.  She does and so do I.  I can see she feels stronger and supported…a shift has happened I feel it in my heart chakra.  I thank everyone at the circle with us for such a powerful experience and I grab her hand and go through a door that lingers in a giant boulder into the now… bringing with us the felt experience and gifts of support and love and strength into the now.  I imagine putting a shawl on her to remind her of the hands that hugged her and literally have and touched her back offering their support.  I allow that image of her feeling stronger with her shawl in my heart to expand and fill my body.

And so it is….

 

Happy FULL HEALING MOON.

xo Crystal

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