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It’s an Emotional Time – Write it Out :)

Lately, things have been tough on my end.  It’s been an intense New Year, filled with challenges, exhaustion and illness.  My son had pneumonia, my husband has been out of town working and I’ve been left to deal with the pockets of old trauma that keeps bubbling up from my past.

I have slept very little for the last six weeks due to my son’s (six months old) pneumonia.  I’ve had to “sleep” (I use this term loosely) sitting up with him laying on my chest, so he can breathe more easily.  His bouts of horrible coughing would occur anywhere between every half our to every two hours.  He is finally clearing it out.

I got pushed way past my physical, emotional, spiritual and mental limits and I did what I always do…  I did it anyways, I struggled, I didn’t ask for help when I should have and I landed in a hole of despair.  I’ve been addicted to struggle and pain a lot in my life, like it’s my norm.  Somehow it seems in my crooked thinking that it is noble, strong, and more badge worthy to struggle….badge worthy?!  What badges you ask….hell if I know ! LOL 🙂

Many of us are moving through some emotional intensity and struggle right now.  And what I’ve learned from my own is that we are being asked to do it differently, to heal in its grip, to let go…to lighten and free ourselves of the old stuck ways.

I put on what I think is my superhero cape and try and accomplish the impossible on my own…only to usually fall into an extreme exhaustion and despair and then resentment and a full blown pity party for not having help.  It’s my own fault, I don’t ask for it…I really struggle with this and I take the long, hard road that fills me with the most thorns.  Enduring pain became like a misguided map of strength for me.  It feeds into this wounded belief that I’m all alone, I only have myself to survive.  I’ve depended on it my whole life and yes at times it has helped but now it hinders my life.  It cracks open these awful, painful memories and emotions of abandonment and struggle from my past and I get frozen in the doom.  I leak tears and tears for days until I somehow snap out of it.  It’s time…I’m changing that old story!  I am not alone, I can count on people, I do have love and support from others.

To get out of this despair and exhaustion that leaves me weak at me knees, I’ve had to ask for help. I’ve had to pad my life up with support…getting a cleaner, exploring a mother’s helper or part-time nanny, getting babysitters, and that alone dries up the pools of doom.  I don’t feel so alone with support nets around me.

So let’s take a little emotional road on the page…yes?

 

EMOTIONAL PURGE ON THE PAGEwriting

-So what old belief systems are your emotions cracking open?  What is your current struggle?  What emotions are surfacing…why and when?

-What old archetypes/masks/personas have you used to survive that no longer serve a great purpose?  What patterns of thinking and behaving come from these personas?  What emotions are they masking?  For me it was superwoman/perfectionist and victim…they mask my fear for vulnerability….of needing help….like it will somehow make me unlovable and alone.  It comes from my past marriage when I was in a post-partum depression and I was ultimately abandoned and betrayed in my most vulnerable state.  The emotions of that time linger in my body…the devastation…the grief….they have been summoned out right now.  And it’s ok…it’s intense but it’s ok.  I am loved now…I am with a good man.  I am struggling yes but he holds and supports me in that.

Where, how, and when can you access love and support?

Are there images that give you hope and strength…as well as a sense of love and support?  See them…imagine them and send them into your body.  Feel them circulating in your body and feel all the strength, love , support and hope fill your cells and ignite and release the joy already inside of you.  

For me I see sunshine and rainbows, a tribe of women around me, ceremonial fires and circles….igniting alive what all fell asleep or burned out within me.  My heart expands, settles and softens in the presence and felt sense of these images.

 

And so it is friends 🙂

xo

Crystal

AS ALWAYS, IF YOU FEEL CALLED I WOULD BE SO HONORED IF YOU FOLLOWED MY BLOG 🙂

 

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Laboring Through the Old and New – Writing Prompts.

writing promptLately I’ve been feeling caught in the muck, moving through the cleansing, releasing and emotional work of the endings I set forth at the Full Moon and Lunar eclipse.  My body is literally cleansing itself out with a bad chest cold.  The old energy is releasing, pouring out into the Kleenex and out of my life for good.  I typically get chest colds because a lot of my work is heart chakra work and throat work.  My throat gets sore first, then it moves to my lungs.  A loss of voice or a blockage of expression or an absence of emotional release and boom…illness.  My energy is strong, potent and I know I must work with it, honor it, listen to it as a soulful guide to my life map and release it out.

But…I get busy or I don’t want to cause you know… it’s a lot work and effort.  I throw myself a pity party and whine, “Why do I have to work so hard at this and nobody else seems to?”  Wah, wah, wah….and my body smacks me around for it every time.  Poor poor me….not!  Get over myself already.  I’m a feeler, an energy mover, an aliveness shaker it’s what I was born to be and do.

When shall I learn….hehe?  Now, I suppose!

So today we release to guck, the goo, the snot, the emotional stuff out as part of our wildly, soulful, luscious living plan.  We must, there is no if, and’s or buts about it.  I feel like something new is crowning, just about to be born and the excitement and uncertainty of parenting this new life project out into the world is big, big stuff.  Life changing, am I ready?  Are you ready? Is this fully what we want?  Is the old sabotage game going to rear its’ ugly head or are we going to do this?!  Let’s get our feet in the foot straps and start pushing it out, we are in active labour.

So move with the labour pains and express it out on the pages….

Writing Prompts. – Labouring through the Old and New.birth-nest

What am I feeling?

What are my feelings trying to tell me?

What is energy is emerging…birthing?

What’s its’ name?  How does it want to be expressed?

What form is it?

What does this new energy want me to know and need from me to feel supported to come into life?

Play around and write out what comes, put your timers on for 5 minutes and free flow for each question!

Doodle on the page, name it out, ooze it out, begin to push and see what comes!!

This is Day 14 of 30 in the Wildly, Luscious, Soulful Living Challenge.

Share your thoughts, journal entries, reflections on the Women’s Tribe Facebook Page or Feed Your Feminine Soul Group Page.

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And so it is!

xo

Crystal

Picture sources:

Pic 1) http://www.authenticgrowth.com/tag/emotional-release-work/

Pic 2) http://kindledspirit.com.au/2013/09/01/getting-ready-for-birth/