Completion & Letting Go Ritual

letting go“Moon is now void as she moves from Pisces, the last sign in the astrological mandala to Aries, the first sign…so you may feel as if you’re somewhere between the old & the new, with memories or dreams of past events which have left a big emotional imprint resurfacing along with a resolve to do things differently.”  From Source: The Moon Woman on Facebook.

Here we are right in the pocket of the old and the new.  Can we simply enjoy the space of being in between an end and a new beginning?  Is anything resolving and completing itself naturally, rhythmically, spiritually? It’s quite magical if you indulge yourself in the dark cavernous birth canal between the worlds, finishing up and completing the old before we are born into the new life, new year, new way of being.

Did you have any magical or interesting dreams last night?

I did, and it fit quite precisely with the moon.  Someone who deeply hurt and betrayed me finally came clean to everything he did and owned up to the pain he caused.  He allowed me to ask him questions and get answers about the events.  He opened himself up to share the truth.  It validated my instincts and inner knowings of the events.  I knew what was occurring even though he continued to deny, deny, deny.  I feel a sense of peace and detachment about it this morning, like there’s a completion, an ending.  Even though the acknowledgment only happened in the dream time I know in some ways it still happened.  I know that he can not go that place in the physical world, but perhaps in the dream world, or spirit world, his soul has the ability to own and stand in truth.  It feels good, like the jagged end to his spear can finally be pulled out, I’m free to move on now, for myself…I got what I needed and there’s a completion…an ending…a moving on.

Earlier this week I found myself writing his name on a piece of paper anointed with drops of tea tree and peppermint oil after a difficult encounter we had.  I released the energy chords between us and detached from him as I burnt the paper on the snow outside. I stood there and watched the flames eat up the paper and transform it to ashes…death and rebirth. Completeness.  I am done.  The final nail is in the coffin.

And last night with my dream, I feel like it finally happened…completion. Now I can move fully through the birth canal, close to new life, detached and free from the tethers of the old.  Dreams are messengers for the soul, the unconscious and our deep, sometimes untouched emotions.  They are symbols and messages that guide us in the physical world.  I encourage you to keep a dream journal if you don’t already.  Dreaming is an ancient gift, a natural form of spiritual and emotional conversations between ourselves and the universe at large.

So as you are in the birth canal between the old and new, ask yourself what are you detaching from…completing…ending and letting go of as we close this year?  Do you need to release yourself from the someone’s energy, a certain place, an old habit, or some sort of thing?  Try writing their name or the name of the place or thing you want to fully, energetically, cut your chords from and release.  Drop thirteen drops of peppermint oil or sage oil or tea tree oil and burn the paper.  As it burns move your arms in swishing, cutting motion to cut and break any energetic chords  around your body that have kept you tied to the past, this person, this place or this thing.  Say, “I cut you from my life, I release you and free myself.  And so it is.”

Visualize yourself with golden, bright light soothing your aura, your body’s energetic parameters and feel the radiant, golden, beaming sensation of being free to simply be you in this very moment, free of the past and ready to be born into the new.

Aho and so it is 🙂

lettign go2

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Teachings from A Grouse for the New Moon & The Winter Solstice.

solisticeFor those of you who do not know my house has a pet grouse.  And we have a history!  It all started last year when this grouse appeared out of the speckled forest in our back yard.  It seemed friendly enough, never flying away in fear, generally just curious.  It always came about and explored what we were up to until one changing day when it hopped on my son’s back and scared the poop out of him. Now you’re messing with my baby Mr. Grouse and mama’s got a problem with that.

I chased that bird away into the bush on countless occasions, one time with a broom, only to have it follow us over and over again.   Last winter we were enjoying a nice day sliding down the hill in the yard and it decided to jump on my back as I slid down.  I jumped off my plastic, green slide in terror and hid under it and using like a shield until my husband stopped laughing enough to chase it away.

This winter the grouse has been M.I.A. and quite frankly I was at peace with that.  But yesterday, as I drove home from a medical appointment I slammed on my breaks and came to a dead stop. The sun glared in my eyes as my mouth dropped open in disbelief.  Twelve, grey, confident grouse strolled across the road with their chests puffed up in the air walking slowly and commanding road.  The hair on my arms stood up and I knew those grouse were sending me a message.

In her book Medicine Cards, Jamie Sams connects the grouse to the sacred spiral.   She asks us, “Analyze the way you move through your world.  How do you picture yourself in the act of “locomotion”…What word would you use to describe the way you move through both the material and spiritual worlds?…is your movement compatible with your greatest desires and goals?”  She also speaks of the grouse being an ancient symbol for birth and rebirth.  The sacred spiral is also a symbol of personal power, a feminine symbol that we used to paint on our bodies for ceremonies and vision quests, a symbol of visioning to the center of creation, down the sacred spiral and towards the center and still spot of a tornado.

This message fit well as I have been really exploring my energy lately and witnessing how much I push myself and how much I pull back.  And in my self-assessment I’ve come to realize that I’m really good at pushing myself and I rarely pull back my energy on my own accord but usually out of collapse. I typically go from a state of pushing, pushing, pushing to a grinding halt…stopped dead in my tracks with inertia and exhaustion.  The experience of pulling back is not gentle or subtle, it’s extreme and fierce. It’s forceful and out of desperation, a need for recuperation and a catching of my breath for survival.  Like everyone else I’m learning to exist somewhere between inertia and a thousand miles a minute and moving away from the extremes.  I do know this, for every action there is an equal or greater reaction.  So when we move to one extreme, there is always the opposite extreme waiting for our arrival.

My yoga class is showing me it’s in the small shifts that we can gently move to and from our edge.  Whether it’s in doing every second sun-salutation instead of every single one or maybe it’s taking a half pose instead of the full pose.  Sometimes it’s using modifications or props for support rather than pushing to the far edge of triangle pose and into injury or exhaustion.  Maybe its letting the dishes dry in the sink every so often or reading a good book instead of doing the laundry every second night.  I found it to be quite playful to try and find balance in a gentle, subtle, loving way in my every day life instead of just pushing and getting through these few days and then falling ill or finishing my weak in a state of depletion.

I’m aware too that I’ve over-done myself to the nards so much that when my body is pushed past her limit just a bit she reacts angrily and with an autoimmune flare up.  So I’ve had to learn the luscious lessons of pulling back from the edge this year and now I find myself wanting to live in the pocket of it, not pushing past it, and not quite pulling back from it either.  Just dancing in the swirling energy of the edge, and following it’s changing parameters on each day, in each moment at each season.

As I reflect on 2014 I realize now this year for me was in many ways about pausing.  It was about stillness, reflection, contemplation, absorption, rooting, grounding, filling up the tank and restoration. Not the easiest of years’ for an over-doer.  This year has been in many ways about sitting damn close to inertia and letting that be my edge.  Our edges move, it’s not always where we think it should be, or even where we want it to be but it is where it is.  It changes daily, weekly, monthly and yearly.  All we can do is simply allow it to be where it is today and do our best to honor it.  I had a couple goals for 2014 I did not accomplish but I can see now as I reflect now that I couldn’t move my energy out to accomplish that goal when I was taking the year to pull my energy in and fill up in preparation for 2015, a year of manifestation.  There is a wisdom to our edges that is supernatural and purposeful.

So as we close this season, may you and I dance the sacred spiral of the Grouse.  Allowing ourselves to at times push, at times pull back, all while being gentle and subtle, not aggressive or forceful.  May we at times simply observe our energies to be as they are without a desire to change them.  I encourage you to allow yourself to fall into a slower, more reflective pace for the winter season and dream the dream like the great dreaming bear who hibernates in the caves of Mother Earth.  Fill yourself up with visions and dreams for the new year ahead.

I genuinely feel that learning about the 28 day lunar cycles and its’ connection to our 28 day menstrual cycles will help us find our edges.   So invite you to witness how as a new moon approaches we are often in low energy, like a seed just being planted into the soil and allow yourself to be softer, gentler and slower during this time.  The moon is dark and requesting us to reflect, imagine, and dream the vision for the seed we are planting.  I always notice that the 3 days before a new moon I am often more tired and low energy as the end of a moon cycle comes to a close and a new moon cycle is preparing for release.  Witness too that generally at a full moon, we are typically more energetic, vibrating, buzzing and hatching our goals and allow our edges to expand further and wider.  We have more energy, we are at our peaks as the moon shines brightest in the sky.

May this upcoming New Moon & Winter Solstice on Sunday be a time for you to sit…reflect…dream…imagine your goals for the upcoming 2015 year.  See them in your mind’s eye, see yourself doing and being in the next year to come.  Dream the dream and dance the sacred spiral of the Grouse.

Aho! And so it is.grouse

Look for more one day classes and short essays on teachings of the Sacred Feminine, Moon Time & Sacred Spirals in the New Year.  It will be a great year. 🙂

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“We are born as wild mountain lions but live most of our lives like sheep, forgetting and denying whole parts of ourselves.”  Lynn Andrews.

Are You a Puller or a Pusher?

edgeYesterday I went to a Core Flow Yoga class.  My first in a long time as I’ve been hung up by my health condition.  I’ve been feeling stuck in an inertia lately and I know I need to move….move my body, move my emotions, move my ideas…move!!  So I pushed myself into a flow class to get the juices flowing.

Historically I loved Flow Yoga.  I craved the vigorous, sweaty nature of the class.  I loved being in tip top shape and pushed myself to and past my limits constantly and twisted into pretzel shapes my body was not yet ready for.  I’d adopt the cultural mantra and do more…and more…harder…faster…better.  So here I was once again  face to face with my old habits in a hard core class.  This time I was learning my new limits and exploring my new edge.  I feel like I’m having to learn how to live life with a brand new set of physical limits. Having a PICC line kinda forces you to honor that limit, particularly in a Yoga Flow class.

So there I was surrounded by hard core yogis and my intention was gentleness.  I wanted to find my edge and pull back from it, not push past it.  Let me tell you it takes more courage, more bravery and more vulnerability to pull back and do less than it is to push past.  It was like I was being challenged to see if I can be self-honoring in the company of others who are doing more than me.  Do I compare myself to others and push myself past my edge or do I honor where I am and just own it?  Can I accept where I am, as I am or do I feel the need to do something more to feel good enough or successful? So there I was having an internal battle on the mat and I let myself bow down into child’s pose and out of the vigorous flow.  Success by self-honoring.

Don’t get me wrong, there are moments when we are meant to push past our edge, otherwise we’d never evolve.  But there are moments too when we are meant to pull back from it and be gentle and graceful with ourselves.  It’s tough getting over an addiction to over-doing, and over pushing and I see women struggling with this all the time with our busy lives, full of responsibilities and schedules.   As I challenged myself to take a child’s pose instead of a sun salutation, I was awe struck in how much this pose was like a mirror to life.

How many of us do the “sun salutation” of laundry, cleaning bathrooms, volunteering, etc. etc.  instead of reclining into a “child’s pose” and resting or restoring our inner natures.  It takes some balls to rest.  It takes a warrior… a goddess… a queen to assert herself and say I am at my limit and I need to pull back.  And I don’t need to do something to be successful or worthy.  I am worthy for being, just as I am in this moment.  Yet we crave success and validation on the outside, because we have always been celebrated and validated in our doing and achieving.  Our worth and value is thus recognized in our accomplishments in what we do.  But it’s dangerous when we place how we feel about ourselves on external aspects or activities because those can be taken away in a moment, believe you me.

I’m not sure there’s anything more honoring and self-loving than listening and giving voice to your edge and limit.  This is what we should be celebrating, a woman or child who uses her voice and sets a limit.   Or a person who reflects, creates, writes or finds stillness.  Let’s celebrate and value the worth found in Being.  It is what is forever there, even in the absence of our doing or external success.  When we honor our needs and limits, we are allowing ourselves to fall into the arms of Great Mother Divine, supported, loved and feeling nurtured just by stepping into the energy of Being.  The heart erupts with gratitude as tears stream from our cores.  That is us uniting with the Divine…the art of self-love.  That is where we find true self-worth and value, by valuing and honoring ourselves and our edges.

And so it is…

Journal prompts…

How you can you pull-back from your edge?

What does that feel like to you…pulling back?

Please do share your thoughts and feelings.

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FAMILY FULL MOON PARTY…GET OUT THE HOT COCOA!

cold full moonAhhhhhhhhhhh!  The full moon is building in energy, waiting to explode into a shiny ball of lightness dancing in the sky.  Tomorrow she peaks at her fullest and I tell ya’ the energy is massive.  I feel extreme heat shooting out of hands as I write.  I must move this energy….key word….MUST!  There is so much energy going on inside, we need to take the time to express it…move it…get it the heck out of us so we can release the inner tension.

This full moon highlights both the Sagittarius energies as we are in the sign of Sag and that of Gemini.  Sagittarius is about wild freedom, connection to the cosmos, big ideas, dreams, visions….its about expansion.  And Gemini is quite opposite, a more here and now, logical, grounded energy.  So we are in the cusp of two polarities.

Cafe Astrology writes…”On Saturday morning, the Moon is full–the Gemini Moon exactly opposes the Sagittarius Sun. The Gemini-Sagittarius polarity is a mental axis, where Gemini represents the “lower mind” and Sagittarius represents the “higher mind”. A Gemini Moon encourages us to think logically, while Sagittarius persuades us to think in a far broader manner…Ideally, a balance should be found between the two energies, and this is what the Full Moon invites us to do.”

So this full moon, if you are like me, you are exploding at the seams.  I have tons of ideas and inspiration swirling inside but I have to get it down on paper, organize my thoughts, and have a plan of action so I can fully release what is within.  I have been getting stuck in the dream, unable to materialize and move it.  I need structure.  A plan of action.  That is where the gifts of Gemini come in.  We actually need organization and structure to be free….otherwise we get lost, stuck and overwhelmed in the chaos of the freedom.  We find inertia in extreme freedom….as well as in extreme structure.  So let us find the beautiful balance between the too.  This full moon calls us to be responsible with our energy…we must take time to reign it in for release.

So there a couple things that might help on this full moon.

1)  Write out what you no longer want in your life…stress…chaos..inertia…roadblocks…and burn it in a safe bowl or on the snow.   Please use caution always 🙂

2)  Write out a plan, a structured routine or schedule to organize your time.  Make sure to schedule in creative expression or play time, time for movement, time to reflect and be and connect to your Divine nature.   Organize the energy so it can flow fluidly, peacefully and freely.  Get the kids involved.  I know I’ve been planning weekly activities to do with my son ahead of time, and this is helping me get focused and scheduled for when his non school days especially.  Help the kids make a calendar or schedule for themselves too…kids love structure and to do lists.  Use a month calender template and glue onto some colored paper.  Get the kids to put stickers and decorate the calendar. List some fun winter activity ideas by looking on Pinterest or Google schedule it in with the kids.  Make some hot chocolate, put on some music, candles, incents, Christmas lights and enjoy the lovely full moon energy while you structure and organize your wild, expressive, ecstatic energy for release.

And so it is.

BE-YOU-TIFUL.

Enjoy the full moon.

HOW A PAIR OF MUKLUKS HELPED ME CHANGE THE WORLD.

photo (4)Might as well face it, I’m addicted to… putting myself last.  Ugh!  It’s true. I have an automatic response pattern that causes  me to feel like I have to make sure everyone is taken care of  before I can take care of myself.  As much as I hate to admit it, I feel guilt when I tend to my own needs and wants.  It doesn’t mean it stops me from doing what I want and need, it just means I’m aware of the saddle bag of guilt that I lug around when I go and do what I want to do.  And I’m tired of it.

Things came to a head for me this past weekend.  For my birthday my husband bought me some luxurious Manitobah Mukluks.  You know the kind Prince William and Princess Kate were given for their son Prince George.  I loved them instantly.  They had the essence of me written all over them.  And then…I said, “I think we should return them.”  As soon as the words popped out of my mouth I regretted it.  Why would I say that?!

Well, I started thinking that I should (that damn word) return them and spend more money on others for Christmas.  It felt more natural to spoil others instead of myself.  I know, I know…yuck!  But I am just playing witness to this automatic response to take less for myself and leave more for others.  And as I observed it and poked it, I started wondering where this response pattern originated.  I wondered too if men have the same automatic response.  When you boil it right down, I wondered if it was because I’m culturally programmed to be more comfortable giving than to receive as a woman.   And yet biologically and traditionally it is women who are meant to receive and men who are meant to give.   Isn’t that a pickle!

I’ve watched my husband receive some pretty spectacular presents and his response…gratitude.  Not guilt, not an internal struggle to accept the gift of love but a simple acceptance and joy in receiving a beautiful gift.  So, what’s the difference here?  Is it a gender issue?  Is it a mother thing?  An image plays itself over and over in my mind of an exhausted, self-sacrificing woman who’s given everything to her family.  She cooks, she cleans, she nurtures and she tends to their every need.  She takes little to no time for herself or for her own pleasure.   She’s usually too exhausted.

If she’s cooking breakfast and one of the egg’s flops, she takes the dud and serves her family the “good ones”.  My question is why?  Why is motherhood or womanhood equated with chronic selflessness?  And better yet, why the heck is this celebrated?  Shouldn’t we have boundaries and limits for ourselves?  Shouldn’t we be on equal playing ground as our own family members?  Aren’t we worthy enough for a good egg?

I struggle in the fact that we celebrate and appreciate a woman who has given down to the bone and left little or nothing for herself.  Sometimes when I read obituaries and they tote about a woman’s selflessness, I feel a sharp pang in my gut.  I don’t consider that a good thing.  I don’t want to celebrate a way of being that I believe is self-harming and perpetuating a behaviour that basically speaks that she deserves less.

I think we must be both selfless and selfish as women.  But selfish is a tough word to swallow. There’s some negativity associated with that word.  And I don’t agree that having boundaries, limits, needs, wants and a voice is selfish.  It is simply a human right.  When I was exploring synonyms for the word selfish, I found the term self-interested.  Say it with me…self-interested.  Don’t you love it?

So, I’m proposing that in order for the guilt bag to empty itself out, we must adopt a new mantra as women.  We must be both selfless and self-interested.  And we must regularly be self-interested as though it were a life line to our sense of worth and self-esteem.  The reality is that when we tend to our own interests and desires, we feel more fulfilled and more confident and when we feel more confident we feel more able to use our voices and ask for what we need.  We are more able to set limits for what we can’t tend to when we feel fulfilled so we do not need to get a dash of “value” in the role of supreme giver.

And guess what, you can teach your daughter to love herself simply by setting your own limits, and being the receiver of your own energy.  In taking that time for you or taking the good egg or accepting a pair of beautiful mukluks, you are saying to the world I believe I am worthy of love and greatness equally to everyone else.  We teach them how to love themselves by loving ourselves.  We have an inherent right to be self-interested.  It is a necessity not only for ourselves but for the self-esteem of our young sisters, daughters and nieces.  We are their role models.

Being self-interested is a sacred spiral of fire, it ignites healing that starts within us and floats out into our family circle and then out into our communities and eventually the entire globe.  As the inner fires spread we build a repertoire for our young women who will also assert their needs, wants and voices into the world and they will have learned it simply by osmosis.  Imagine a world where women feel just as worthy to receive as any other being on the planet…a world where women feel confident enough to stand up for themselves and use their glorious voices no matter what the circumstance.  It’s starting…and the world is beginning to change and operate in a new manner because of it.  Changes, they are happenin’ and the bar is being raised.  We are not only waking up, we are standing up.   Can you feel it?

Imagine that, you are helping to change the world simply by being self-interested.   So, allow yourself to receive…receive help, receive love, receive gifts, receive time off and take it all in unapologetically.  Allow your own best interests to come to the forefront at least half the time.  Allow yourself to remember that as you receive, self-indulge and become more self-interested you are helping change the planet.  You are helping women restore balance simply by receiving energy, it is your birth right.  It is your biology.  And the more you receive, the more you’ll give so it’s a win- win and we all like win-win.

We are awakening as a women’s tribe and returning home into our feminine, fiery and receptive roots.    So go on, I dare ya’!  Indulge yourself with what you want.  Put on your “mukluks” and indulge proudly as a woman who is equally selfless and self-interested, giver and receiver.   You deserve it.  I deserve it.  The world needs it.  We are creating a new phenomenon for women.  My new mukluks are like a statement to the world saying that I am worthy of a wonderful, beautiful life.  So own it, be self-interested and change this planet.

women

You go girl!

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NEW MOON’S FIRST PEAK OF LIGHT

“Drop your Wish Dream Prayer into the Goblet”. How lovely is that!!

Thought I’d share this lovely New Moon prayer from a fellow blogger. Take the journey and visualize your dream in the goblet…..let it swirl into beingness….see yourself living your dream, see it in your goblet. Go to the tethers of Earth and nourish the soil with your dream prayer vision on this New Moon. And so it is.

Beautiful.

Go Buck Wild with this November New Moon Ritual!

nov moon1Ahhhhh…..a return to my home sign Sagittarius.  Another year of my life soon completed as my birthday fast approaches.  So much to reflect on this year….what an interesting year.

Tomorrow’s New Moon falls just as Sagittarius busts out of the gates and that’s some good and exciting news.  Us Sagittarius folk are about freedom.  Freedom…freedom…and more freedom.  We are free-spirited centaurs; half animal, half human and we love to play, explore and adventure out. We are thirsty for knowledge and know that it is through experience and exploration that we drink it in.  We are bright eyed and busy tailed, voluptuous thinkers and visionaries.  When we have an idea we run with it, not just in the farm yard but to borders and beyond.  We stretch the impossible limits with exciting visions and move towards the so called “unreachable”.  We dare to travel there, not just for the guts and glory of the pursuit but also for the radically fun ride of adventure down the trail of the unknown and un-travelled possibilities.

My statue of Goddess Tara was also an inspiration for this month’s new moon.  I typically keep her on my fireplace mantel but with Christmas Season my son wanted to put some snowmen in her spot.  So I reluctantly agreed and moved her onto my altar.  Wowza!  She’s been calling to go there.  She is the “mother of liberation” and she represents the virtues of success in work and achievements.  She governs the life, death and rebirth cycles and is often associated with Luna and the Moon cycles.  So allow Goddess Tara to see your visions, have fun and stretch those thinking limits into the realms of imagination, visioning and fun exploration for the soul.  Write down two or three goals you have for this moon cycle and sit it on your altar with some tobacco, corn meal or epson salts.  I have an offering plate where I leave my monthly moon goals and I tell ya’ they’ve been working.

NEW MOON RITUAL:  So in honor of this New Moon in Sagittarius I invite you to create a collage with all your radical, wild, free spirited visions for your life.  Go ahead, write them down, collage them, see them…and dare to dream them.  Have fun, play, and make visible your wild and free wishes.  Dare to dream the unthinkable and go for it.

Life is but an adventure, so embrace the Sagittarius energy and go buck wild in the adventurous realms of your soul.  Let yourself be sagittariously free spirited and charge into new visions and ideas.

Enjoy, it will be a great month.

C.

Picture from Pinterest.

“Have You Become the Woman You Want To Be?”

womaniwnat tobeI was up early this morning and got a chance to watch the 6 am Super Soul Sunday air on the OWN channel.  One of my favorite author’s Sue Monk Kidd was her guest, what a treat!  If you haven’t read any of her work I highly recommend you do.  My favorites are Dance of the Dissident Daughter and Traveling with Pomegranates.  Although, she is most known for her novel, The Secret Life of Bees, my favorites are still her more autobiographical work and reflections.

Anyhow, in the interview Oprah asks her, “Have you Become the Woman You Want to Be?”

Jolt!! That question stunned me into paralysis like a gun to the temple.

And so I share with you the question and encourage you to make a journal entry answering Oprah’s stun gun of a question.  Just let the pen ride and let her take you to where she needs to go…flow….just flow.  Follow the tide inward and let Her emerge…  Put your timers on for a glorious 8 minutes and go!

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Here’s my entry….

For me, this past year was quite something.  I have been off sick from work for a year now, low energy and with a blood disorder.  It literally forced me to sit in beingness not doingness.  I went from living a fast paced life as a single mother with a full-time job, a two-hour commute, and a to do list a mile long while running full speed on a quarter tank of gas, to stopped in my track stillness.  Stopped…almost dead… into sit and rest stillness.  I’ve been turned upside down, flipped around, turned inside out and it is there, in that place, upside down, dangling from the rope of my old life, feet up to the sky, swaying with uncertainty and the unknown that I came face to face with the woman I want to be.  She’s tribal, primal, naked, raw, alive, loud, vivacious, emotional, colorful, reflective, intuitive, in union with herself, with the Creator and with her tribe.  She’s fierce and soft, gentle and bold. She’s marked with tribal lines across her face and her hair is long and wild.  She’s confident and assured in herself and its beautiful.  She’s in union with her Feminine nature, allowing her tribal DNA to emerge and express itself in her life and she follows her tribal, primal instincts. As I hang upside from the overturn of my life, our eyes meet as we look to each other face to face, me upside down hanging and her looking up from the inward life of my inner cave.  I have reached my hand to her and she’s reached hers to me.

I have always got a sense of worth out of my doingness, that’s the culture we live in.  I’ve got ego strokes from my job titles or sport accomplishments, or my superwoman mask who has overdoing super powers and does life and a high pace velocity. But, this year, I can say in doing almost nothing because I couldn’t, in sitting and being, writing and creating emotional expressions, I am on my way to becoming the woman I want to be.  I was brought home to my own original nature, pure, and feminine, inward and reflective.  I am far more authentic, real, and honest to myself because I have nothing else to do but listen, learn, and experience what it is.  I feel like I have taken off the final mask and finally showed my real face.   As I removed it I felt vulnerable, even fearful, ready for rejection and humiliation.  And yet, I am just sitting here, mask removed not really caring about how another feels about but instead, how I can continue to create my life so I can live without it for good.

I can say I am less people-pleasing and more able to tend to myself and my own needs first while actually being okay with that.  I am in the nitty, gritty of my emotions and they are honest and real and I tend to them…usually.  I’ve been stripped down from all I have known, all titles, roles, activities and into my Feminine Core where my intuition, emotions and creative needs have been sitting and waiting for me and I have bravely and sometimes reluctantly tended to them.  I wouldn’t make the space for them in my life, so they made space for me in my life to tend to them.

So here I am meeting myself in the raw.  I watch as my heart’s needs and desires show up and I can choose to reflect or turn away from them.  I can choose to release them or deny them.  Have a wine or write.   I am a woman in process, a woman working hard to be authentic by being present to her inner world and daring to walk in union, not separation, with that world. It takes guts and it ain’t easy!  I have been trained to sell myself out, to flick the switch off to what is occurring within to get shit done or because it was easier to say yes when I really wanted to say no.  I instead want to live in honor to myself by honoring and expressing my needs and emotions, using my voice, saying no and doing what I want to do simply cause I want to do it.  I don’t want to reject and deny myself anymore because others are more comfortable when I do.  I want to make space for the whisper in my gut that says I want more.  I want to live more wildly, more freely in union with my tribal, primal roots and play way more often.  I want to be less serious and more silly.  I want to make and take my own sacred time for myself, my own inner union and not abandon that time because somebody else needs me.   I’m on my way to becoming that woman…still practicing to keep united and not abandon the inner sea just for the comforts of validation and acceptance from another. What a ride, what a process.  Here I am still wavering at sea, riding the tides and looking less at the shore.

Aho! And so it is.

A Quick And Easy Way to Re-Ignite the Love in Your Marriage. All you need is 5 Minutes.

loveI’m going to let you all in on a little secret.  I read an article just yesterday about the secret to a long lasting marriage.  You know what it was….kindness!  Can you believe the simplicity in that?!  However, it is simultaneously complex because sometimes it’s hard to be kind to the person that can push ALL of your buttons.

It takes some conscious effort to be intentionally kind and thoughtful in our marriages.  It’s easy to overlook and forget the good when life is busy and stressful.  It’s easier to dump out the emotions on our loved one’s for their tiredness or laziness and spear them with complaints how they always fall short or fail us.  I’m guilty, I’ve done it.  I usually do it when my own love tank is empty.  It’s easy to take for granted our significant other and focus on what they do wrong rather then ask for what we need.  But negativity only breeds negativity.

So here’ s a quick little habit I’ve been getting into lately that is really changing my life and transforming my relationship.  It started because of an awful dream I had where my husband left me for an unattractive but kind and loving woman because I was too crotchity and demanding, I always pointed out his flaws rather than appreciate his good.  He said he couldn’t take it anymore and just wanted to feel loved.  It was awful, I woke up changed, burdened, scared and refocused on making sure he knows how much I love him and appreciate the beautiful parts of him I fell in love with.  That unconscious mind is a powerful tool!

Here’s what ya do…

Each morning write 5 things you love about yourself and why.  Let’s get real and responsible here and know that we need to fill our own love tanks too.  So go ahead and toot your own horn! To start your day with five sentences that start with, “I love myself for…” will truly change your life. It’s necessary to appreciate yourself, it builds confidence and self-esteem. If you can’t love and appreciate yourself, you will not be able to receive the love of others. So bring attention to and list your wondrous accomplishments and sweet, nice, loving things you did as a wife, mother, friend or daughter. That’s right, celebrate your good and bright stuff because you simply deserve it. It will feed your self worth and confidence.

Now, do the same for your significant other and remember why you fell in love with this person.  Go on, write those 5 fabulous things about your honey and don’t forget the “why” of your statements.  Maybe you remember how gentle he was with your son yesterday or how how she brought you home a coffee after work or how often he tells you how beautiful he thinks you are. Write down the love, remember it, savour it, wrap yourself in the caress of its presence. You’ll find that as you focus on the good, sweet, and luscious moments in your relationship and of your “boo”, you won’t be so bothered or annoyed when they leave their boots in the middle of the entrance way or the toothpaste cap on the sink. It will roll off your back because you are full and focused on love.  Your memory of their acts of love and amazing qualities and will be present when those less attractive habits show up.  Then you realize they simply are not that important or that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things and in the big picture of your loving relationship.   And remember, you got those unattractive habits too so be gentle.  😉

Side note…you can do this for each one of your kids too and see how you are more calm, grounded and patient when the toilet plugs and there’s cereal all over the floor.

Join me and make yourself a Love Journal.

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Enjoy

xo

Crystal

Feed Your Soul & Celebrate the Unsung Heroic Women in Our Lives

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MAKING SACRED ART FOR THE UNSUNG HEROES IN OUR LIVES.

I’m inspired to share with you the weekly Feed Your Soul creative activity.  I’ve attached the link below with the full article that inspired this activity.  Basically this Divine woman by the name of Angela Yarber creates sacred art and paints everyday women, (unsung heroes she calls them) into Holy Women Icon paintings.  Isn’t that beautiful!!!!  We need to celebrate the women in our lives who nurture us, make our lives more beautiful with decorating or expressing their creativity in the kitchen or in our homes, the women who teach us how to love and create, or the women who fight for us in the courtrooms or tend to our wounds in our medical facilities.  Whatever it is, lets celebrate the beauty of Feminine in our lives.

My mom is really on my mind with this creative expression.  I’m not sure she can see her beauty.  She is the most thoughtful and kind woman I know.  She has such an innocence and purity about her that is un-canning.  Rare these days.  She is childlike, curious, innocent, shy….I plan to paint a goddess for her that to me represents her Essence, it will be called the Goddess of Innocence & Giving Love.  I will write words or aspects of her loving soul I appreciate and experience on the painting.  I may simply collage images and write a story in the back of it as well.

For me this process and these creations resonate in so may ways.  I had the honor of getting my spirit name through some ceremonies with Elders in my community.  However, many people don’t have this opportunity.  Yet, many of us can see the gifts and soul beauty of those around us that often we need not a ceremony to tell us the gifts of our soul, our loved one’s can!

So, why not paint our loved ones in a goddess image or as Angela Yarber does in the format of Holy Woman Icon and gift them with the reflection of their own soul beauty.  So often, the nurturing, loving, creative women in our lives are left unsung, unrecognized or un-celebrated.  Let’s change that story already!!!!  Let’s honor and celebrate such beautiful feminine gifts in our lives.  Let’s celebrate the women and men for who they are at their cores.

You can collage images and write a poem or short story expressing their gifts and soul beauty.   I’m obsessed with painting goddesses lately so for me this will translate into goddess forms. And yet as I write this I’m inspired to make warrior images for my husband and son.  These can make great holiday or birthday gifts!!  Some women do this as gifts for their daughters at their first moon time, or for their mothers at retirement or just to celebrate unique, amazing women that support us in many different ways.

As you do this, remember that everyone we paint is also a reflection of ourselves and our own beauty.  I too challenge you to do this project for your own soul.  You must also create one for yourself 😉   List five things you love and appreciate about yourself and why……now explore how those wonderful things can become your Goddess reflection or Sacred Woman Icon. Ask your loved one’s what words they’d use to describe you.  Which ones resonate the most or comes up the most?  Indulge yourself and celebrate your unsung soul beauty!!  Please share on the Facebook Page. 

If you’d like to get all of the FEED YOUR SOUL creative activities, be sure to FOLLOW THE BLOG.

Smiles and warmth

Crystal

Link to my inspiration:

http://feminismandreligion.com/2014/11/08/painting-unknown-holy-women-commissions-gifts-and-the-unsung-stories-of-ordinary-women-by-angela-yarber/

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