Women's Healing & Spirituality
with Crystal
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This past month has been something hasn’t it??!! With Mercury and Jupiter in retrograde, it has felt like endless roadblocks, hills, pot holes and twists and turns. Alas Mercury and Jupiter have come out of retrograde and things feel like they are getting clearer. We are finding our footing again.
Autumn, change, transmutation, and change again. I feel like so much of my life is ready to dissolve, to change, to transmute to something new. And it scares the shit out of me. One day I’m excited at the possibility, the next I’m terrified and clinging on to the old like I were grasping to life on a log floating at sea. Why am I so afraid of change ? Well, I think it’s the perfectionist part of me that is afraid to make a mistake... a million what if’s shoot out of my brain waves all in the negative direction. When I move to my centre and ask my highest vibrational Self what change and this new direction feels like...I feel peace, calm, an acceptance of life that is full of endings and new beginnings and they are welcomed as experiences to grow life right. There is nothing attached to the change, it just is... not good, not bad but just lovely cause I’m meeting what is with acceptance. In a mediation my guide gave me a beautiful yellow leaf to help me find balance and harmony with this change. The leaf told me she once was a beautiful bud on the branch limb, she exuded her beauty and green, life shining color and oxygen inducing gifts in spring, now to she is a beautiful golden leaf on the ground. She is still in the state of beauty and harmony amidst mother Earths natural changes and life/seasonal cycles. She told me she will soon disintegrate back into the ethers of the Earth and be energetically sucked back up into the roots of the trees only to bloom again in spring. She trusts Life, she trusts life’s cycles, and she always holds and maintains joy and beauty and grace in no matter what form she is in or what state of the seasonal cycle she is facing. So here’s to allowing re-evaluating, changing, transmuting to something simpler, lovelier, calmer, newer... different.. endings and beginnings. There is a purification and cleansing going on that is stripping away anything that is not in alignment with soul... and just like the yellow leaf it can be beautiful if we allow it. We also allow in the endings and loss and change of things and people that are no longer in alignment. Darkness carries beautiful light and clarity too.
This is my Goddess Tara statue. I bought her after my divorce. I had just bought my own little house and I had started a new job and slowly getting my bearings and new life established after a bad end to a marriage. I decided to sell my wedding band to a gold buyer and used some of the money to buy this Goddess Tara statue right after the transaction. She is the Goddess of freedom and I felt free! I felt alive! I felt connected to my Wild and Divine Self again. And I needed her as a reminder and as a symbol to that beauty in my new life. It was my life to rebuild in my own way and it was so freeing. I could rebuild from the place of my soul rather than my ego or society’s idea of what life should be. I really was able to tap into my wild and free self, my most natural and primal essence and it was exhilarating and freeing. That was 10 years ago! This week my oldest son accidentally knocked it over and it broke. I know once a God or Goddess statue has cracked or broke it must be released. Truthfully when she broke I was devastated, it felt like a punch to my gut. But as a few days I passed I realize Goddess Tara was showing me how I have once again lost my sense of connection to my wild,free and alive soul. I have not been devoting Sacred time to my inner depths, to my wild nature, to my creative soul. This is a wild call back home. Now that I am remarried and have more children I have become lost in the thresholds of wife and mother once again and I need Sacred and soul soaring freedom time. My wings need to expand and fly free and the Sacred task at hand is to balance the need for my wild and freedom with the responsibilities of motherhood and marriage. On this full moon I shall release this goddess and my old ways of soul abandonment, of not prioritizing me first so feelings of fulfillment and aliveness can infuse all parts of my life. If you’d like to join me I shall try and share a weekly soulful and creative practise that helps us tap into our own wild, free, alive feminine souls. It will be a realistic practise if 20-30 minutes for you and me and the Divine. Follow my blog to get it delivered to your inbox.
I’ve been thinking a lot about “space” lately. I have got myself in a pickled pattern of being so busy, holding so much stuff and responsibility on my shoulders that my mind has been so full. There is no space for me, for my soul, for my creativity, for Spirit to come forth because I have been too full of the to do lists and worries and this and that. So this weekend I pulled myself off the hamster wheel and really invited in “space” for my soul to expand, for Spirit to emerge, for life to enter!! This has also resulted in me creating space in my home.
With eating disorders numbers shooting thru the roof since the pandemic I feel a deep call to speak more about the Sacred body and union of mind,body and spirit. There are lots of “workout or weight loss challenges “ out there right now that are promoting disordered eating practises as “mental toughness challenges”... and I say...buyer beware !! I remember reading someone’s post about their experience in this particular challenge and I really wanted to comment that it sounded a lot like a day In my life when I had an eating disorder. I refrained but I feel like I need to share this piece for my eating disorder therapist days, “When what you eat or didn’t eat or how much you did or didn’t workout affects how you feel about yourself and your body it’s a sign of disordered eating and weight pre-occupation.” And in this pandemic it’s tough, life felt out of control so sometimes we try (me included) and control what we can... including food and our bodies or we get out of control in those areas as well. Our relationship to food and our bodies reflect our relationship to Life! I just wanted to put out an alternative voice to weight loss or getting in shape, my feed is flooded with this (which can be good but also not ).... if you need help please reach out to someone or your doctor. We need union and respect with our bodies not control and domination. We need to learn how to do this and I will start sharing some ideas 💕🙏🏼. Anything that teaches you to move away from listening to your body’s needs and your body’s limits to achieve a goal someone else set is not really a health oriented choice, it’s the ego’s and often a marketing ploy from someone who has something to sell. Your body is so wise and life is so wonderful when you can honour your body in all ways, without control and dominance. It’s amazing when can allow yourself to indulge your senses and pleasures....life because alive and magical. Your body in Her infinite wisdom will eventually rebel against your control ! What if we were embodied, in union, mind/body connection not mind dominating the sacred, life giving, life guiding, spirit speaking body. Food for thought 💕😊
The energies feel a bit like a pressure cooker as we head towards the solstice. Just like a budding flower there is constriction before expansion. This allows for a shaking loose, a releasing, and removing of what is in the way of our expansion. I have a old wound revisiting, anger is within.... I don’t want to let go. I want to be angry, I want to stay in the brute edges of the rage...and I will...so I can release it. I need to move through it. I need to flip over all the angry stones as clearly there is more information and wisdom for me to learn as I hold the fire of this rage. So In preparation of our expansion and blooming with the solstice, I invite you to write, paint or doodle about your constriction and what you are shaking loose.