I’ve really been brought face to face with my relationship to myself during this moon cycle. I realized this past week as I did yoga and wept that sometimes people don’t show up for me… but it’s reflected in some relationships because truthfully I don’t show up for myself. I don’t prioritize myself enough CONSISTENTLY. I don’t speak up for myself when I really wanted to do something for me but my kid needs me or my husband and needs a hand. I slither away into self abandonment and do what others need of me and feel pissy on the inside. There’s got to be a better balance, a way I can show up for me and them. I don’t stand up for my soul and create the space and Aliveness she needs in my Life. I’m done sacrificing myself and my own happiness for the happiness of others. That is not love… it’s an old definition of love… but truly it’s martyrdom packaged in selfless sacrifice. I don’t ever want my obituary to read that I was selfless !! That feels like someone who doesn’t take up space, someone who has no Self. No thanks. Being kind and generous are glorious while maintaining one’s sense of self.
Think of the confidence and worth showing up for yourself creates and oozes in every single part of your life. It feels so powerful to show up for me. And yet I lose its focus and fall into unconscious patterns and lose the priority of me. I become a bobbing buoy… floating.. lost at sea.
I feel like I need to create a devotional practise to myself, which essentially is with the Divine. It’s creating the sacred space and time to reflect, to contemplate, to feel… to allow the Divine to flow thru me in whispers or in the joy of creativity or in writing. It’s creating time to wonder and absorb the spiritual nudges that life all too often gifts us if we allow and call Her to guide us.
On this full moon my husband and I are doing a releasing fire ceremony. Like many people during this time of pause and reflection, many of our unhealed parts have been shaken loose for us to look at and our relationship has been tested. It was a tense time there for awhile but I really feel like we are going through a death and rebirth cycle in our marriage. The old bond, the old way of unifying has died and made way for a new love, a new unity, a new partnership and essentially a new marriage between us to grow out of the ashes. Like a Phoenix rising from the ash, a new soul contract of togetherness is being etched and celebrated on this full moon. Now is a time of healing.. of naming the old patterns, the old wounds and the sore spots so we can release them and heal them. Now is the time of dissolving the old and transcending, creating new forms…, ultimately a new expression of ourselves in our relationships and our lives.
On this beautiful and bright full moon and eclipse I invite you to shred, dissolve, disintegrate the muck that blocks our hearts from allowing love in and from moving the love out. Burn the old into ashes and dust and let love resurrect into a brand new form !
And so it is ! 💕💕💕
Image above by gabby Bernstein