I’ve been thinking about the word Presence a lot lately. I’ve been craving it! There’s so much going on in the world right now and being home bound the last few months, I find my mind spins and spins and spins with so many thoughts and ideas and my body swells up with heavy emotions at what our world is moving through.
These swirling thoughts have me constantly distracting, spinning, split into seven directions at one time. What I want is Presence. What I crave is groundedness, being rooted and totally present in my surroundings.
Here’s the truth, I have not been that present in my marriage and it shows. I have not been that present with my kids and I feel it (they do to). I have been obsessed with checking Facebook like a distracted compulsion. I have recently deleted the app off of my phone and I truly feel liberated.
I have always felt being a good mother for me simply means being in Presence with my kids. Really being in the moment, in the imagination with them, on the garbage truck (bed), or in the tree house hunting or using our crystals for magic. Sometimes it’s just on the floor playing and laughing or trying to do “wheelies” on my bike with my oldest son. One of my favourite moments is when I put my one year old to bed and I caress my fingers around his face. His eyes always close and he has the most beautiful, pure smile. He opens his eyes for a couple moments in pure adoration and we connect so deeply, he and I are intertwined in the moment of love. That is presence.
In my marriage Presence feels like really listening to what my husband is saying at the end of his work day. It’s not listening while running through my to do list, or grocery list in my head, it’s 100% awareness and focus on his words, reading his facial expressions and seeing his eyes. It’s not head down on my phone answering him…ugh..I have done that way too much. Presence is really enjoying sitting outside, sipping a wine, hearing the bird sanctuary in our backyard, soaking in all the green beauty of the trees, holding hands and feeling connected in our gratitude of the life we have build together. It’s journaling together, discussing mind-sets and old belief patterns and future goals. It’s dream building and bed sharing, and holding each other. It’s making a gratitude list only about him because I want to be so crazy in love, it’s what I choose and focus on…love!
Presence is mindfulness, rootedness, being fully in THE BODY (i like bodyfulness more than mindfulness), experiencing and soaking in all the luscious senses, colors, playfulness, even mundaneness of the moment and simply experiencing it for what it is. Good. Bad. Wonderful. Dreadful. But bringing in the beauty of feeling and experiencing the truth of the moment.
What is Presence to you?
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