This month the word DISCIPLINE is etching itself into my psyche. I have a love/hate relationship with discipline. I used to be so disciplined it turned into obsession/addiction and sucked my life dry of beingness, joy and aliveness. It was only mundane routine.
My old thoughts believe discipline is somewhat torturous and a life filled without fun or joy. It comes from that part of me that turned discipline into an obsession and let it become my barometer of self-worth.
Today, LOVE tells me Discipline is an action of self-love. Discipline and routines, even schedules are supported energetic frameworks to help you manifest. They are acts of love and you can be flexible within them as needed, as life happens and straying off the path at times will happen.
I have so many balls in the air right now of things I need and want to do that I’m struggling how to organize them into my day and it’s throwing me into chaos in overwhelm. I need a contained form of organization or a plan to execute my day because I’m in overwhelm, I’m spinning my wheels in anxiety and restlessness and virtually getting very little done.
So as I reflected it became apparent to me I need to shake up my morning routine to set my goals and plan for the day. I find when I wake up I need to sit and drink my coffee. This is hard amongst 3 kids. So here are acts of discipline and Self-Love to help me organize, and manifest by day.
I sit and close my eyes. I’m around my sacred fire in the dark, night sky. I can hear the crackles and see the sparks. The stars are twinkling amongst the blackness all around me. I invite DISCIPLINE to sit beside me. She does and takes a seat on the ground around the fire. I make an offering to her, a basket filled with buns. (I’m not sure why, but that’s what I brought with me for some reason.)
I ask Discipline,”Please….tell me about yourself.”
She says…,“I am really just about self-love, self-commitment and self-worth. You know you are worthy and celebrate your worthiness when you invite me into your life. Having me in your life is like saying to yourself that you matter, you are worthy, you deserve great things. And in doing so, you invite my energy into your everyday to help you execute your acts of self-love and your actions to help manifest your goals and purpose into your everyday, I am an energy that oozes love, confidence and a sense of accomplishment. I am space between an idea stalking you and the expression or manifestation of that idea into the world.”
As DISCIPLINE finishes her last sentence, I notice there are others at our fire. JOY, PASSION, FLEXIBILITY, CONNECTION, CREATIVITY, possibly even more in the trees around us.
As I notice all these “beings” around the fire, I know they come as one package, they are all inter-connected. One cannot really be Disciplined if one doesn’t also commit to joy and connection or dive into creativity. It’s about balancing being and doing, as though each energy has a duality that must be honoured. DISCIPLINE has FLEXIBILITY. CREATIVITY has PRODUCTIVITY, CONNECTION has SOLITUDE and so forth.
So as I see all these alive ENERGY BEINGS around the fire with me I am filled with encouragement, calmness and a lot less weight on my shoulders. I bring my hands into prayer position at my heart and look at each lovely being around the fire and send them love. I release my all or nothing attachment to DISCIPLINE and recognize that her energy brings with her all those other lovely beings around the fire too. They are family and connected. I leave them all gem stones, and shiny things as a sacred offering for their teachings and leave the sacred fire.
This journey around the fire has reminded me that we cannot abandon the juiciness of life in the name of accomplishment and self-discipline. I know I can’t. When life stops getting fun, I get cranky and wonky, and move into self-sabotage because I get bitter thinking that I need to suffer to manifest and accomplish. And this is not true, this is the old mind-set, the ALL OR NOTHING thought pattern that stems from addictive patterns. I really do believe when we are joyful, grateful and inspired, this is where we create momentum for acts of self love like discipline and manifestation.
Those of us with addiction/compulsive coping histories generally have an all or nothing attitude with discipline. We can get extremely into it, even addicted to it to the point we lose our connection to joy, beingness, flexibility, etc. In my past, discipline for me has become about control and obsession and I have lost balanced because I didn’t honour the other teachers like joy, passion, connection, and fun. We must keep all the teachers at the table, we cannot be all or nothing. The goal is consistency, if we fall off, just get back on. It’s easy to fall into Self-sabotage mode and get caught in the all or nothing thinking pattern. Find the grey, know that discipline includes joy, and room for life and relaxation and fun and flexibility where needed. If we are not finding joy and nourishment in the discipline then why are we really doing it?
QUESTIONS FOR REFLECTION?
What is your relationship with DISCIPLINE?
Where are you most disciplined?
Where could you add discipline in your life?
Are you disciplined in all aspects of the Self? Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual?
Are you only disciplined in areas of accomplishment ? Or Health? What about tending to your soul and emotions?
What small acts of discipline can you invite into your life to help you in your goals and everyday management of your life so that life can move more freely and smoothly?
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And so it is! It is done!!