July Energy

This month has been an interesting time. I’ve been trying to get back to work after a lengthy illness, one that I still live with.

It’s been a time of interesting learning and re-setting and sometimes re-stumbling into old patterns. My old way is full – speed ahead until I collapse. And truthfully I’ve kinda been doing that with this return to work.

I want to jump back in just like I used operate and live and I rushed in full force…and just like that my wise body halted me in my tracks with eruptions of cold sores and emergency visits. I’ve been forced to re-evaluate the pace and really accept the old way will never return and a new way, a new road, a new pace must be created.

The original illness tells me it emerged so I’d be forced to live with limits and boundaries. I didn’t have the power or respect for my body to listen, I didn’t have the strength or voice to express my needs and the illness was thus birthed into my life to teach me about my voicing. If I push too hard it flares. If the pace is too fast it slows me. As I’ve learned to live with it, it asks me for respect of what my body needs so it doesn’t need to rear its ugly head, screaming and reminding me of original agreement of a steadier slower more realistic pace of living…a life lived with using my voice and expressing my needs in whatever form they are.

This is hard to do in “the real world” I’ve discovered. It’s been hard to say… “I can’t do that much” and risk my job or my position. It’s hard to follow my bodies lead. My inner perfectionist wants to do 100% all the time and prove what I can do. But it’s kinda a bullshit gig because it’s not long standing.

My mind gets fearful I’ll end up in trouble or moved into a different role or office. And yet a part of me deep in my depths knows that when you follow your wise body, you are following Spirit. And when you’re following Spirit, you are always brought and lead to where you need to be. I know deep down somehow I’ll end up exactly where I need to be, doing exactly what I need, even though I know not what that is in this moment.

What I know is this.. I MUST follow the pace of my body and not the expectations of others or the fast paced world that has come to be. I struggle sometimes in knowing how or perhaps being brave enough to say that I can’t be super mom and woman and work full time and have my own interests, a marriage, a home to tend to, a life of beauty and joy I want to experience and not feel overwhelmed by. I can’t maintain the pace I used to.

I want to create a new pace in my reality and I am choosing to be brave enough to express my limits. I am not going to push beyond what I can and into collapse like I used to. I am changing the tempo and pace, I am listening to the needs of my body and following Her lead as though it was the most Sacred of acts I could ever do. I know deep down in my bones it is necessary for my health and survival. I know my body would and could up the anti if I do not listen.

I often feel my learning in this lifetime is one of un-learning. It’s risking walking to the beat of my own heart and soul and being different in a fast paced, production centered world . My heart and soul want balance and beauty and beingness mixed in with the doing. I want to live honouring both the masculine AND the Feminine in my everyday life and this is where my courage is being called. Can I do less and be ok with it? Can I change the unrealistic status quo and do what is healthy for me and maintain my sense of value and worth in the process .

My sense of success isn’t in achieving necessarily, it’s in exploring how one can maintain health and balance in oneself and in relationships while creating and achieving. It’s really living a life with the masculine and feminine in a passionate dance, a love duo on the dance floor of life.

So here’s to the tango of our lives 😘

Just felt like doing a little processing on the page… you all experiencing similar explorations at this unique celestial time ?



10 Comments on “July Energy

  1. I’m 21 months into my widow journey. My husband was always my ‘caretaker’ , reminding me to slow down and take care of myself, and taking care of me when I’d over do it ( which was quite often). I’ve proven to be a not very good caretaker to myself these past months, but because I was getting by I ignored the signals she was trying to get across to me…. but the last few weeks and especially the last few days I’m crashing and burning..I’m worn down, achy, my body so out of whack….Im finally realizing I need to start ‘listening’ to my body….she’s been trying to tell me for months that I need to change things….

  2. Thank you, Crystal, for sharing … sounds so familiar as I look back across my own Journey terrain! It’s surely an adventure and experiment we live into; a Heroine’s Quest. Thank you, too, Spiritual Dragonfly, for sharing from your own ‘Widow’s Journey’. Grace and blessings to you both.

  3. Thank you Spiritual Dragonfly for sharing your “Widow’s Journey and Crystal for sharing yours. Along my journey I have noticed that I cannot keep up.. Even though I work full time, I find myself looking forward to the weekends to be able to take naps because I’m so worn out. Blessings to you both who are struggling.. Love and Light, Debbie

  4. The last few years have been whirlwind for my health, physical and mental. Now I can walk again but the diagnosis for my underlying health condition is not going anywhere as the Drs watch to see if I need to have more surgery after the major one last year. Stress makes it worse. I am in a very stressfull job and overworked myself twice in the last few months despite trying to avoid precisely that. It is a learning curve to listen to our bodies, but listen we must if we want to even have the chance of a positive relationship.
    So, today, when the pain flared up at lunch I took a deep breath and decided to head home for the day. Pain went up further, but I got home and rested and now feel more human. I felt guilty for going. ‘Not another sick day against me…’ etc., but I am glad I went home.
    Here is hoping things look up for you going forward, one step at a time

    • Good for you for listening to your body. Isn’t crazy how we feel guilt for doing what is needed for health.. the body is our sacred messenger. Definitely a dance to learn to honour the body and tend to our responsibilities !! Good for you for choosing love and honouring woot woot 🙂

  5. I too live with what I call an invisible disease (autoimmune arthritis diagnosed at 19, I’m 59). Just had my fifth total joint replacement and it was a harder recovery than the first knee and kinda pissed me off as I’m used to bouncing back fast. I have two new knees, 2 hips, one hip revision and a total elbow Replacement. I , just like u have to listen to my body daily. Sometimes I forget that this disease minimally causes fatigue and I think ‘why am I being such a slug?’ Oh yah it causes extreme fatigue. My goal is to continue to work out 3-4 x week in a Bar class and live till I’m 90. Don’t forget how strong we are – warriors – dealing with disease, being parents and wives and friends and having to work. Rock on Crystal the warrior ❤️

    • Ps I’m divorced after 30 yr marriage and have had 3 of the 5 surgeries post separation. He gave me no emotional support ( because late in our marriage I figured out he has Aspergers ) so I’ve basically done it on my own. He was my taxi. After my hip loosened up in 2005 andcwas fixed in early 2006, That’s when I realized I can survive anything and I take that warrior strength with me every day.

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