We just passed the September 9, 2016 junction, that’s 999 in numerology. 9 is about completion, endings and healing. And this past week Jupiter entered Libra for the year and Libra is all about relationships, justice… and balance 🙂
Since the New Moon, I’ve been confronted with the issue of boundaries and the dissolution of old relationships that are rearing their heads and pressing upon mine and my family’s boundaries. I get rattled, angered, irritated at this cross of the line. I seen a quote this morning that offers great wisdom in dealing with those boundary line crossers by the lovely Brene Brown..”Don’t shrink, don’t puff up, just stand your sacred ground.”
I’ve been thinking a lot about how to handle someone who has caused great hurt. Do we welcome them back in with forgiving arms…in the sense forgive and forget? Or do we forgive and move on? When trust is broken and wounds have been seared into our relational skin, we need time, we need healing to mend from the wounds we have experienced in our relationships. But when do we draw the line in the sand and say, “I’m done with this.”?
When somebody injures you (emotionally, mentally, spiritually), what is your response? Do you express your pain? Is it heard? Is it honored? Do you forgive easily? Does the other person own their shit and apologize? Do you ? Does it happen again and again like a vicious cycle?
For me there is a piece of enabling that can occur when we forgive too easily. We need to allow others to know the pain they’ve caused and take ownership of it. We need action, not words to know they are truly sorry and working on changing old patterns or we run the risk of being caught in the enabler cycle. “Enabling can describe dysfunctional behavior approaches that are intended to help resolve a specific problem but in fact may perpetuate or exacerbate the problem. A common theme of enabling is that third parties take responsibility or blame, or make accommodations for a person’s harmful conduct. The practical effect is that the person himself or herself does not have to do so, and is shielded from awareness of the harm it may do, and the need or pressure to change…” (Adapted from Wikipedia dictionary)
This can lead to co-dependence without caution. When trust is broken, we need to know that the other party takes ownership, responsibility and accountability for their actions (as do we). But what if they don’t? What if you are left to linger by their silence and removal from your life? What if they try and come back after these actions?
What happens when the arrows of betrayal, abandonment, humiliation or rejection (the four major wounds) pierce our hearts by those we thought were closest or felt should be the closest? How does one heal?
It’s not an easy journey and I think it’s an individual process. For some relationships when there is the healing balm of ownership, accountability and apology we can forgive and forget and grow. For other relationships we may forgive but not forget and leave the relationship dissolved and that is okay. We do not need to force relationships if there is no foundation to them. If there is no trust, no respect, no humility in our interactions, it is okay to lay them down to rest or allow them to be distant and respectful, even kind from afar.
So as we cross the bridge and ending cycles of the 9-9-9 numerological calendar, honor yourselves as you explore healing old relational wounds. Look at your contributions to them as well, our own short comings and healing spaces. Did we allow ourselves to be treated in a certain manor by not having boundaries or a voice? Perhaps circumstances were created to help move you out of a dead-end relationship or friendship. Things blow up, things change, it happens. Can you allow this? Perhaps there is friction in a relationship to help you and the other person to evolve, to heal, to grow…perhaps, it’s a lesson in letting go or expanding.
EXPLORING OUR RELATIONSHIPS EXERCISE.
So here is a little exercise to help you explore those relationship issues (friendships and familial relationships included) with a deeper lens.
Close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Settle into your body and feel the wave of relaxation float through you like a cloud. Think of a relationship you have been struggling with and allow an image to come to mind that symbolizes that relationship. Just go with what comes, even use your imagination. For me one image is an empty and leaking fish tank. The other is an armored suit with a sword for another relationship.
Now that you have your image, let’s talk to it…yup that’s what I said, let’s talk to the image like it were a living being 🙂 Get some pen and paper and dive inward. Journal and respond to these questions, just go with what comes first.
Happy healing, it’s all good friends.
And so it is.
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image by sheswanderful.com