“Grief is more present to us then we may be aware. There is grief of incompletion, or despair of having no control over the changes of time. Grief can be old and seemingly forgotten, like the loss of friends from childhood, the death of childhood pet, or the loss of childhood dreams but it is still with us if we haven’t healed it. Often it takes big deaths, the loss of a loved one or the loss of our own health, to notice the grief that has always been there.” Lynn Andrews.
As we move through the last few days of this moon cycle and prepare for a New Moon later this week I felt to need to honor the power of this recent Moon. Venus returned from her journey in retrograde on the 6th and I must say this was a powerful, powerful time for me to cycle with Her into the darkness, into our own dark voids and unhealed territory within. So many people went through the ringer, me included, but let me tell you friends there was so much potent purpose to the struggles, to the pain, to the challenges.
I let myself fall to the bottom of the crater in the Earth’s crust this past moon. Perhaps I simply had no choice but I did not let or could not let my fear hold me from falling face first, splattered on the ground in grief and despair. I simply fell there, what felt like 10 feet down and into a deep deep release of my grief. I have not let myself fall into that deep depth, into that giant pocket of grief that was there waiting for I feared what would happen. I sobbed and sobbed, alligator tears fell for hours. It was difficult, intense and yet necessary. I had nowhere else to go or turn except to be splattered on the ground, 10 feet from the threshold of the Earth Mother and wallow into those painful depths of despair and grief that lingered in me and needed release.
I felt consumed by darkness on that day in the dark cavern of grief and despair and then the next day I was totally shifted. My body had released something…buckets of dark, heavy sludge that lurked in my veins from old wounds, old experiences, old losses I had not fully grieved. They simply leaked out of me in my sobbing howls and giant tear drops into puddles on the ground. And I was freed, lighter, softer, gentler, changed. I had surrendered to the place I had feared most and by doing so, my darkness gifted me with a new freedom, a new calm, a new inner peace I have never known.
I had never let my self go that low, to that depth for fear of what would happen if I ended up there. Would I completely lose my mind? Would I fall completely apart only to remain un-tethered? I am lucky I had supports, my husband and even my body-worker therapist who helped me move through it fully. And yet I was completely surprised how quickly I did shift out of it, simply by remaining in it for as long as it needed me to.
And just like that, something changed. I feel more alive, more inspired, more invigorated, more willing to fight for my dreams like never before. More capable of doing what I need to do.
So I simply want to honor this last moon cycle and Venus/ Inanna for her journey into the underworld and the unforseen gifts of following Her there. I am grateful. I am blessed.
SIMPLE & GENTLE RITUAL:
To honor Her I will simply light a candle on my altar, in gratitude, in awe, in humble honor to have journeyed into my own darkness for the 3 days of the Dark Moon. I will take a light 5 minute stroll in the dark moon’s modest light and reflect on the gifts offered of the depths of the Underworld. I shall release tobacco or cornmeal into the wind symbolic to the grief I have let go and let my gratitude float on the Earth Mother. I will simply breathe in connection and magic and awe for all that I have learned during this cycle. I am humbled to the depths, to my core and I welcome what was not able to come in before I cleared myself of the guck. It is now able to come and visit for I have cleared the trail. Will you join me?
I am freer and lighter. Now we really move forward and onward into soul expression in this life.
And so it is.
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Photo Source: http://nanfe.deviantart.com/art/Dark-Moon-in-a-Spring-Night-204752420