This month there is just so much going on, isn’t there? At this Blue Moon (second full moon in one month), we are asked to move through shtuff and let it go. I’ve been so sensitive this month, really reacting to lots, aware of much coming up for me. Puddles of grief and anger have re-surfaced and I even had to go a Bio-energetic counselling session to literally scream it out. I twisted towels in anger, banged my feet against a block and allowed to tears to leak out like rushing waterfalls. I made room to sob. Yup, I sobbed and sobbed it out. It was free-ing and exhausting, and it took all I had to give myself permission and space to do it. I knew it was what needed to be done, even though I kinda didn’t want to because it isn’t fun or easy. I’ve been quite low key and low energy since the major release but certainly calmer and clearer.
I’ve come face to face with a pattern this month. An old and familiar wound. You see, I’m an Empath, I feel things deeply, I can feel energy and other people’s shtuff. I can also feel deeply my own truth in my feelings. I feel like my soul constantly meets these systems, these patriarchal, logical, linear, needing physical, material proof systems that focus on facts. And my body, my sweet, alive, LOUD, soul expressing, feeling howling body speaks another Truth.
Sometimes the facts don’t align. I come face to face with logic or someone else’s truth and it doesn’t align with mine. My feelings,my body, my despair, my fear….they start to scream. They howl until my gut is all twisted up. I try and share my feelings, my gut instinct so to speak and it’s denied, ignored or even made fun of. It’s so out there, so off beat, so opposite of what the facts are saying. I’m accused of being wrong, or inaccurate or negative or whatever the case may be.
I’ve struggled with my voice, with knowing how to be heard. With how and where to express some Truths with a capital T when the facts are saying otherwise.
I feel caught…stuck… my awareness is standing between logical truth and Mystery Truth. A system or a person with authority, even someone in my life is telling me something that is not true for me and I feel a strong pang in my gut, it doesn’t ring true for me. Something doesn’t feel right. My body is very attuned, my inner knowing comes far before the facts show up and I have this habit of doubting Her. Not because I don’t believe her but because I don’t know how to express my knowing and the yet to be revealed facts. I’ve been rejected and taken a strip off of one too many times for knowing what has not yet been shown.
I reveal the truth to soon because I’m desperate to be heard and understood, even valued by others because I haven’t done that for myself. I wait for them to give me permission to believe the Mystery of my intuitive, feeling expressing body. And it doesn’t come, we live in a logic oriented world, where the physical and the logical are more valued and accepted than the magical and emotional.
I don’t trust that people value my feelings or intuitive knowings so I get quiet and deny my body. I feel like I work hard to try and convince them of a point of view they simply don’t get or can’t see or understand. And I get stuck in chaos, in anger, and in doubt and uncertainty in myself. Am I wrong? Am I missing something? And I get frozen in that spot. The web of grief overtakes me and I move into the common wound. I keep thinking I need and want someone to accept my strong feminine nature, my intuitive, emotional feeling ways and celebrate them rather than demean and diminish them and I wallow in the pain of been invalidated or denied.
I see now, it is me who must move from wallowing to being my own salvation. I must be the people or person who celebrates and accepts and BELIEVES in myself and my gifts no matter what. If they don’t hear or agree or understand, so what! I doesn’t mean I’m wrong or I need to explain myself better, it means I simply must find another door or road to support the Truth. It’s a signpost leading me to another direction, not a rejection letter.
I can find another way, another door, another road, another person who hears me and validates me. I can find support where there is support. I can ask the universe, my angels, my guides to lead the way, show me another road or trail that can support my knowing or Truth. I don’t have to dwell in the cell of rejection, or feeling of being un-valued or unheard. I don’t need to waste my time trying to get heard by people and systems who have dead ears. I can go another way, I can find another trail where we all play the same harp songs.
I go through this lesson over and over to remember it is in my own self-acceptance. I’ve come into this world to accept myself even if I am different, not to be accepted by others. The later will come when I do the work first. It’s like a sacred relationship with myself, a testing, a learning curve. I get there….eventually but I need not keep going through the long, treacherous painful process of self-doubt. Usually when the Truth finally reveals itself I’m full of buckets and pockets of grief and pain because I REJECTED MYSELF. I knew all along and I didn’t believe myself, instead I followed what the doctor, or lawyer or other person unable to hear my Truth because the facts had not yet come. And I’m tired of rejecting myself! In fact I will no longer do it!
So on this full and blue moon, let’s howl it out. Sing some songs, scream, twist towels in anger and release it out. Get our voices out into the universe and sing our soul songs. Play some fun,uplifting music and sing along. Scream out what you no longer will carry. Scream out your worth, your value, your gifts. Scream out a love song yourself!
Alright, let’s make this fun and magical. Put on something blue, a blue scarf, shirt, blue nail polish, a necklace or ring. Or all of the above! Have some candles, light some incense, heck even get a couple fireworks. Light a small fire outside or even candles and write on papers what you wish to release and burn that shit up!
Self- Doubt – Burn it!
Control – Burn it!
Frustration and anger- Burn it!
Grief – Burn it!
Now Make another list and carry it with you.
I choose self-love, self-acceptance.
I choose to another another’s point of view.
I choose to another my point of view.
I choose to allow myself to work with the Mystery to be guided and find my way, my voice, my path.
I choose to believe in magic.
I choose to accept my glorious gifts and share them, not hide them.
I choose to honor myself and others.
WHAT DO I WANT AND NEED?
I ask you Great Spirit, Grandmother moon, my guides, ancestors, angels, helpers and all beings who love me to show me and guide…
My expression of my soul easily and freely
An easy manifestation of my soul work
The formal and form you best want me to express myself.
Lead me, I shall follow.
To wrap up this ritual do something you do once in a blue moon, like taking a skinny dip, have a unique supper like a fondue or buy champagne and toast the moon. Make a Moon Garden, a place in your yard with special stones and objects or fairy houses, anything unique and special on this special occasion. Celebrate this rare moment in time but doing something fun and radical for yourself or for you and your significant other.
Enjoy this once this beautiful Blue Moon and release the old while welcoming in the new! This is a time or major healing and releasing.
And so it is!
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Photo source: hdpics.com, meetup,com