I feel tired, stuck in the mud, trying to drudge forward but I can’t. The muck is too thick. It’s too dark out to see where I’m going. I’m fighting hard to keep going, to push harder, to make myself keep stepping one foot in front of the other. Now I’m exhausted, somewhat bitter and developed a negative Nelly complex as I keep grudgingly step onward. I keep fighting against the fact that I’m stuck. I just need to stop and take a breath in the stuckness.
So today, I do, I stop and feel the muck. I look at it and the road I am on. I’ve hit a dark, gooey, mucky spot and maybe I just need to stop and be in the midst of it for awhile so I can gather my energy before moving forward. I’m exhausting my energy trying to get out of the muck with little to no success. So just maybe I’ll dive into it, roll around, get dirty. I’ll give myself permission to feel pissy, dark, gloomy for today and then see where I am tomorrow.
I pulled a Tarot card and the card that has emerged is called Discontentment & Boredom. Soooo bang on for me. I’m restless and irritated that I must sit in the muck – that I’m stuck in it and can’t get out. I want to move on and forward in my life but somehow I’m brought back and back to this sink hole, this pile of mud. I am not better physically from this chronic illness going on and I feel a bit lit a prisoner with it in my life. I want to throw a pity party but mostly I want change. I want to get better now. I want my old life or my new life or…I’m not sure what to want these days. Do I hope for the old to re-emerge or create a brand spanking new? Perhaps that is why I keep returning to the muck. I don’t know what I want. I’m in between the knowing, the emerging.
“Have faith in Divine Timing and know that everything changes for a reason. It’s a perfect time to re-evaluate and search within your heart and soul for fresh insights.” The Discontentment and Boredom card says.
So sit with me in the muck and play and contemplate. Evaluate what is inside, what new insights and awareness’s are lurking within trying to come out and play?
What do you really want?
If you could do anything what would you do?
How would your days look?
Who is with you? What are you doing, freely and joyfully?
This moon energy is really asking us to go within and balance our external and internal worlds. It’s a time of uncertainty, contemplation, questioning, exploring and understanding. So ride the wave of the unknown, plop down in the muck and roll around, get dirty in it. Float, soften, settle into stuckness as part of the road. This will lead to clarity, an opening, a path will emerge swiftly, suddenly. The universe will guide us as soon as we embrace the right now unknown.
And so it is.
Happy moons 🙂
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Crystal Tardifff Chagnon
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