To Whom It May Concern – I have a Week to Live (A Writing Exercise)

Hi Friends.  I’m doing this writing class right now and the just of the question is…Write a letter or a story or a poem in your last week to live.  What would you say?  What words do you want to leave behind…

joyThis is what I said….

To Whom it May Concern,

Turns out I have about a week to live.  Life kind of flashes before your eyes as you approach death’s door and it’s interesting to think about what you’ll take with you to the other side.

Much of my teen years and twenties were spent trying to become something.  I felt this pull to do better, do more, achieve, achieve, achieve like it were a drug that fed my worth and my ability live life.  I sought out titles and medals for accolades because it was the only way I knew how to fill my bucket.  I needed things, recognition, celebration and external success to feel good enough.  It’s a cultural phenomenon so who can really blame me.

But in my late twenties and early thirties I learned a different way of being.   Life knocked me down off my high horse so I could see the beauty of the underworld.   I learned the gift of just Being…and to unite with my wild, colorful, tribal roots.  It was my connection to my wild soul that was really the secret to life all along.  I felt full for the first time ever, not from the outside but from within.  It wasn’t a desperate reaching for something outside of me in order to feel loved or good enough, it was a natural oozing out of my Source, a release, a letting go of all the shiny beams I was holding inside.  I didn’t have to do a darn thing.  I beamed light because I was light.  I had danced in it, swirled through the hoops of its’ company and I leaked out golden rays of life in my world.  My bucket was finally full because I released who I really was out of me and into the outside world.  It never really was about becoming anything, but Being myself at the Sacred.  It was about enjoying the Sacred in every possible moment in my life, even if it were doing dishes or running a cleansing bath for my son.  I approached each task like it were an active prayer.

I learned to soak in the energy, the magic of the moment like were a sponge and ring it out into my world.  I absorbed all life had to offer me by feeling it and rolling in it like it were a colorful explosion of dust on the ground.  My pen was my gateway between the worlds, inner reflection and outer resolution, it were really a life line to my Divine.  I have nothing left unsaid, unfelt or untouched for I have loved every moment, even when I didn’t think I did.  I see how all the crooked trails, all the painful sorrows, were all part of this life’s equation, to come to the answer of a life filled with love, Being and connected to my wild.

So as I sit and reflect what I will take with me to the other side it is not roles or titles or accomplishments, it is my son’s smile, the pulsating high of endorphins that rattle my chest because of the love I have experienced with my husband.  I will take the still moments when the moon shone brightly in the dark night sky, or the gift I received in seeing the beautiful crystallized snowflake on my dog’s nose.  I will take the soft caress of the wind on my face and the warmth of the sun against my cold skin.  I will bring home the magic that this life had to offer and I will gallop on my wild horse to the gates of the other world.  Look for a trail of golden dust, it shall sparkle in the sky as I paint colorful clouds all the way there.

For whoever reads this note, this last little bit of sharing I have left, start Being in your life. Focus less on becoming something and plant your feet right in the sacred moment, the exact pearl you are standing in the thread of life and indulge joyously in the crisp, juicy taste of its magic.  It is Divine all around, soak it in.  Life is art baby, go live it!

And so it is.



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7 Comments on “To Whom It May Concern – I have a Week to Live (A Writing Exercise)

  1. Crystal, this spoke to me…… I love how you drew a mental “life-map” chronicling your life from beginning to now; the make believe “end”…

    Only it didn’t feel make-believe but instead real… Thank you for creating this you have given me much to absorb and think on as you nailed it 😉

    • Thanks so much for your words Jana I so appreciate. I love receiving the gift of hearing that my words resonated with others :). I’m humbled. Thank you 🙂

      • 😉 well they do! And it gently reminded me; yet again; that all this ‘shit’ we deal with on a daily basis is seldom worth our energy and time we give it as in the end it’s trivial when compared to the life or death moment of reality…

        Keep creating lady, your really talented 😉

  2. I was just thanking my husband yesterday for finding & passing along your blog to me. He knew I would love it, identify with you, and I do. I don’t always leave a comment, but I want you to know that almost every blog of yours expresses some of what is going on in my life, either physically or spiritually, at that exact moment. I read this blog after listening to one of my spiritual teachers. A short video I chose “at random.” He was speaking about the exact same thing you wrote about. Lovely how life is so very connected.
    Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
    May you be blessed as you have blessed me,
    Marsha – AKA Mutinous Boomer

  3. Thank you Marsha….I feel we are so connected, all going through similar spiritual learnings and emotional releases…albeit in different circumstances but the fundamentals are the same. I’m so glad we can all connect in life and in this format. Thank so much for your words they mean so much!! 🙂

  4. I went through the exercise yesterday mentally first, then I wrote. First off when I mentioned the exercise to my husband he wasn’t a fan. He said to me, that it isn’t something you want to think about because he didn’t want it to come true. You could tell he was distressed at the thought, angry even. This showed me his love clearly.

    First off, the stress I felt because of work during the day, disappeared immediately. Why would I let that bother me if I had a week to live?

    Next, I looked at my plans for the week and I had plans to do a few things with family and friends so I was glad my week was structured with people I love.

    Next, I thought about doing a conference call with groups of friends that don’t live nearby.

    Would I tell people at work? Maybe I would, maybe I would take the week off and write a letter.

    I would want to see my mom. Maybe she could fly here.

    Everyday, I would sit on the couch and have coffee with the dogs. I would make breakfast for Joey and I and get him to walk in the forest or by the lake with me.

    I would organize all my papers with clear instructions.

    We would spend the weekend at the cabin relaxing and enjoying our time together.

    I would be thankful for the life I have been given, the opportunities, the obstacles, the successes, the failures and the amazing gift of learning.

    I would have liked to have an organized list of all the books I have ever read.

    I would have liked to have created more photo albums.

    I would have liked to have been a mother and a grandmother.

    Ultimately, I realize I love my life and where I am. I know who is important to me and spend time with them on a regular basis.

    There are a few things that I would love to do, so I will do them.

  5. One more thing. I would have liked to have had a better understanding of the 4 areas of the Medicine wheel earlier in life: emotional, physical, mental and spiritual.

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