I’m going to let you all in on a little secret. I read an article just yesterday about the secret to a long lasting marriage. You know what it was….kindness! Can you believe the simplicity in that?! However, it is simultaneously complex because sometimes it’s hard to be kind to the person that can push ALL of your buttons.
It takes some conscious effort to be intentionally kind and thoughtful in our marriages. It’s easy to overlook and forget the good when life is busy and stressful. It’s easier to dump out the emotions on our loved one’s for their tiredness or laziness and spear them with complaints how they always fall short or fail us. I’m guilty, I’ve done it. I usually do it when my own love tank is empty. It’s easy to take for granted our significant other and focus on what they do wrong rather then ask for what we need. But negativity only breeds negativity.
So here’ s a quick little habit I’ve been getting into lately that is really changing my life and transforming my relationship. It started because of an awful dream I had where my husband left me for an unattractive but kind and loving woman because I was too crotchity and demanding, I always pointed out his flaws rather than appreciate his good. He said he couldn’t take it anymore and just wanted to feel loved. It was awful, I woke up changed, burdened, scared and refocused on making sure he knows how much I love him and appreciate the beautiful parts of him I fell in love with. That unconscious mind is a powerful tool!
Here’s what ya do…
Each morning write 5 things you love about yourself and why. Let’s get real and responsible here and know that we need to fill our own love tanks too. So go ahead and toot your own horn! To start your day with five sentences that start with, “I love myself for…” will truly change your life. It’s necessary to appreciate yourself, it builds confidence and self-esteem. If you can’t love and appreciate yourself, you will not be able to receive the love of others. So bring attention to and list your wondrous accomplishments and sweet, nice, loving things you did as a wife, mother, friend or daughter. That’s right, celebrate your good and bright stuff because you simply deserve it. It will feed your self worth and confidence.
Now, do the same for your significant other and remember why you fell in love with this person. Go on, write those 5 fabulous things about your honey and don’t forget the “why” of your statements. Maybe you remember how gentle he was with your son yesterday or how how she brought you home a coffee after work or how often he tells you how beautiful he thinks you are. Write down the love, remember it, savour it, wrap yourself in the caress of its presence. You’ll find that as you focus on the good, sweet, and luscious moments in your relationship and of your “boo”, you won’t be so bothered or annoyed when they leave their boots in the middle of the entrance way or the toothpaste cap on the sink. It will roll off your back because you are full and focused on love. Your memory of their acts of love and amazing qualities and will be present when those less attractive habits show up. Then you realize they simply are not that important or that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things and in the big picture of your loving relationship. And remember, you got those unattractive habits too so be gentle. 😉
Side note…you can do this for each one of your kids too and see how you are more calm, grounded and patient when the toilet plugs and there’s cereal all over the floor.
Join me and make yourself a Love Journal.