Find the Hidden Meaning of Life Struggles.

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This morning I was reading an Oprah magazine my mom gave me awhile back.  To be honest I was looking for some images for a collage.  I came across an article by Martha Beck about making the best of bad fortune or bad luck such as a car accident, an illness or whatever the circumstance may be.   It proposed that perhaps there were deeper meaning to a less than fortunate circumstance.  That maybe, just maybe, these circumstances have an opportunity to wake us up or give us messages that we need to get back on the soul track.  

As a Shamaness, I honor that thought.   I’ve been taught from my Sacred Teachers that as above, so below.  As within, so without.  The outer world is a mere reflection of what is within.  On a spiritual plane, our soul is calling for a healing and the universe has a way of manifesting a most unique, treacherous, challenging or ridiculous circumstance for that healing to occur.

For those of you who don’t know me or haven’t seen me in awhile, you may not know that I have been unwell for the past year.  I need daily blood transfusions of a blood protein connected to my immune system that is malfunctioning.  Without it I have a response that is similar to anaphylaxis, where my tongue and face start to swell and I often pass out.  Crazy stuff to start happening out of the blue….or is it??

My life had gone through a major upheaval and shift in the years previous to my illness. I remember going to a tarot card reader almost five years ago who flipped over a card called the Tower Card.  It donned a collapsing tower on fire with crumbling, shattered pieces of the building falling to the ground.  “A symbol of what was to come.” he said, my world as I knew it was going to crumble and fall apart completely. Destruction was a repeated word.  And it did.

In the spirit of keeping it short…I had a baby, lost my job, found out my husband was cheating, got separated, moved to an apartment with my one year old son, all within a nine month time span. I wasn’t sure I was going to make it some days.  I’d lay whaling on the floor screaming out in anger and despair but when the tears ended I strangely felt a sense of calm.  I felt as though the layers of fear had been stripped away, there was nothing left, just the moment.  There were no more blocks to myself, to my heart, just rawness and realness.

And what I learned was that you can count on Spirit and the Universe to help out a soul willing to heal.  The universe always had my back.  From the moment I found an apartment, or when I got a new job, bought a cute little house all by myself, it always brought forth what I needed and where I needed to go next.   Was it easy, hell no.  But every time I needed something or got scared, the universe brought forth what I needed or knew how to calm my nerves.  E.V.E.R.Y.  S.I.N.G.L.E.  T.I.M.E!  Whether it was my dad who randomly filled up my car when money was on the tight side or an invite for dinner when I was too tired to cook or a win at TV bingo right before Christmas, the universe supported my move to independence and deep healing.

Did I mention, this all occurred during my last year of my four years of Shamanic Training?  Of course, right?!   As within, so without!  I had changed and the outside didn’t match my insides anymore.  So, it dissolved.  The Tarot Card reader also shared that everything I had built on the foundation of my ego was being destroyed so a new foundation and a new structure could be built from a place of heart and soul.  Something more authentic could be born.  And wouldn’t you know it, I got an even better job, my own house and I meant someone new, someone amazing, someone who showed me heart centered, toe curling, kind of love.  We got married, sold both of our homes and bought another where we’d finally join our lives.  Two days after we moved in together as new husband and wife – WHAM!  I passed out at work and my illness took over.

WTF right?  Hadn’t I been through enough?  Couldn’t I just enjoy my life now? Didn’t I deserve that?  The healing transformation I was going through, was not quite complete.   I knew the universe was not done with me yet.  This past year I have known there is a deep healing going, my life had to get turned upside down so I could redo,restructure and regenerate a new life.  I needed time and space to clear out the old life, old energy, old pain completely.  That was the gift of my illness.  It could not have happened any other way, I would not have gave it the proper time and space.  So I am grateful for what is and trust that Spirit and the Universe are always behind me, guiding me into my soul’s growth, evolution and purpose.

I did a writing exercise, writing as my blood and here is a blurb of what it said…(Just roll with me here.)

I stopped Crystal in her tracks and let her body catch up to her soul. Her old blood was the old her, it wouldn’t function with her new vibration anymore.  I needed regeneration…There is vitality, trust and life in her veins, not pain and darkness anymore… Now her body is beginning to heal, to regenerate and prepare for her rebirth into the world.  She is ready for this soul’s life and purpose with this blood, these organs, this body.  Aho!  And so it is.”

To this day they don’t know what is wrong with me or why my blood is malfunctioning but I know this…I will heal and soon! Things are already looking up, my energy is slowly increasing, I’m finally writing and putting it out into the world and after a long time, I’m finally inspired.  The juices are flowing and the universe is stirring something up for my new blood, my new body and my new way of being in the world.  I know this, the universe has got my back.  



Think of a time in your life that was difficult.  Was it a break-up?  A stressful job?  A loss? Personify the challenge.  Make it a person or character and pretend this person were sitting in a chair next to you.  Ask him or her some questions. Just let the pen flow and see what the universe has to say to you 😉  

Here are a couple questions to ask in your journal if you’re real stuck…

Who are you?

Why did you come into my life?

What do you have to say?

Is there anything you need from me?

What is your healing gift?

Happy writing!!! xo


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